Experienced Girlfriends Past
This is silly, but I am having a real problem with my girlfriends past. I know that who and what she is now.. what I fell in love with... are all necessary products of what she's been through. I also know the pat answer of... " well she's with YOU now".
In the disclosure part of the beginning of our dating, she mentioned that when she first divorced, she was seeing two guys who knew each other. You can imagine where this is going, they all got together for a threesome. She stated it was something she had always wanted to do, and did on more then one occasion with these guys.
She and I have both had lengthy past sexual experiences, and are very good together. This one thing I've always wondered about, but never done. So going tit for tat, I can relate to everything she's done but that. I had a few questions, but the whole idea of it is eating at me and I don't know why.
She mentioned that this one thing was at the very edge of what she was willing to live with, but at the time was just doing what she wanted after a rather lengthy divorce in a stagnant marriage. I got all that, I just can't seem to get over it.
There is one part of me that wants all the details.. hoping that it was not a thing that these guys abused her, another part that would love to know that she initiated it and was just going with what she wanted to know. It's sick to even ask these things, but I've got to get some closure with this.
She's got two great kids, a wonderful career, and is very beautiful. She and I are great together, and she is the most satisfying woman I've ever been with. I've been married twice, once for 11 years, and once for 15. This is the first type of dating situation I've been in in a while. I know that there are things I've done that seem to bother her... such as the fact that most of my ex relationships were just that... relationships that started as friends and advanced. She states these guys, were in a list of 'friends' she had that she could get together with she wanted some 'guy/girl' time. She stated she was not interested in them for anything other then sex. She likes the bad boy type, and was with these guys strickly for that, and I'm also cool with that. She is from a different socioeconomic situation then most of them, and would not be caught dead with them, they were just as she put it, "play things". She baciscally has the sexual appetite of a man, but has told me that if she was one, she'd be gay.
I want to engage her in converstaion about all of this, which I'm sure will help sooth my ego... but I just can't figure out the 'why' part of it. Is it that I'm afraid that one ( me ) can't compete with two? Is it that I'm shocked? Is it that I can't relate from my own past as to the mechanics of all of this? She's told me that the reason I'm the one for her, is that I'm the ONLY one that has ever satisfied her, PEROID. YEA for me, but what about this THING!!
HELP?!
