I am a very jealous person and I get very insecure when my partner looks at other women even if it is just in lads mags or newpapers. It makes me feel ugly and not good enough for him. He knows I feel this way yet he continues to do it and says that I am being pathetic. He has now even accused me of feeling this way because I have something to be guilty about. We are currently separated and have been for 2 weeks because of this problem. I want him back but I am worried that the same thing will keep on happening. Am I the one that is totally to blame for our problems?:confused:

Work on your insecurities. There are going to be women about for his entire life so you gota get used to it! Relationships are based on trust, if there is none of that then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

However your partner should respect you and your wishes. Communication is key.

You are on a break now I believe? So work on yourself in the time being, go out with your friends - why not flirt with some guys, have a laugh, enjoy yourself. Try some new hobbies or join the gym. Do something to keep yourself busy and do not mope around! Or things will get worse, you're the only person who is control of your life :) He will contact you when he is ready I am sure. Just keep on working on yourself, hey and before you know it you would have moved on.

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Originally Posted by jody88

I am a very jealous person and i get very insecure when my partner looks at other women even if it is just in lads mags or newpapers. It makes me feel ugly and not good enough for him. He knows i feel this way yet he continues to do it and says that i am being pathetic. He has now even accused me of feeling this way because i have something to be guilty about. We are currently seperated and have been for 2 weeks because of this problem. I want him back but i am worried that the same thing will keep on happening. Am i the one that is totally to blame for our problems?:confused:

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Jody,

First, you are a very wise girl. You are so right. If the both of you get back right now, what has changed? The same thing will happen.

Oh don't rack yourself worrying about "blame". But here is the thing YOU do have to work on feeling better about yourself.

Having a break right now is probably a really great thing, although it does not feel like it I am sure.

If you can, just try and put all of your focus on you. Have some quiet time - get a piece of paper out - write down the things that you really like about yourself. On another sheet of paper, write down things you would like to change. Pick one from the change list, and start working on actually making the change.

It's all about you now Jody :). You really need to fix inside of you, before any relationship can be fixed.

Am I saying this is your fault, this is why the relationship went off track NO. He could be more sensitive, more understanding, it would have helped for him not to call you pathetic. But still, you do need to work on you inside.

So we are going to put Mr. him to the side just for now. It's Jody time. Start your list, put a lot of thought into them. Run the bathwater, put some nice foamy bubbles in the tub, get in, and relax and think of the one thing that you choose to change and start thinking of ways to do that.

Jody, you can do this!! Happiness for you really is not that far away!

You need to stop acting that way every guys has eyes and it's better for him to look then to touch right stop being so insecure about yourself because just know that when he look's just think that you are the one with him not them other girls that he looks at just get over it cause every guy is going to look so just get use to it

Jealousy fed by insecurity, will poison any relationship and counseling either by a professional, or a trusted older member of your church or school will help you I think. They can guide you through the steps it takes to overcome this glitch and you will learn how to feel better about yourself.

In my experience, insecurities often destroy otherwise good relationships. Have you thought about relationship counseling? If this is a major issue that you can't live with, I'd suggest you both go. But you describe yourself as jealous and insecure, and usually those are traits a person has to work on by themselves (often with a pro) and resolve before any improvement can be made in the relationship. I know I was told by a therapist that she couldn't save my relationship with someone unless he went to a psychologist to work through his issues of jealousy and insecurity first. He didn't, and we are no longer together.

I am quite an insecure person too - someone once said to me though, don't you ever look at other men in magazines and think they are nice looking? And if you do you don't think any more than that, you don't think ' I WISH my boyfriend looked like that' - its silly. Men look and so do most women, also women's bodys are very beautiful and are things to be marvelled - its natural for him to have an appreciation. You are also 19, and I know I was very much like you when I was your age, I'm not old now, 25 but I now don't feel so insecure, they are pictures in a magazine - nothing more.

I have asked the question before 'am I in the wrong for being jealous?' now I am asking could the reasons for my jealousy have something to do with the fact that I am only 18 and my partner is 33.
He was my first and only sexual partner. He has been in love twice before me and has had many more sexual partners than I have. I know that this will not be the whole reason for my insecureties but could it be some part of why I am.
He tells me I have to go and find who I am, that he already knows himself and that when I come back it probably won't be him I'm in love with. But he's the one I want, he's the father to my beautiful daughter and the man I love.
Should I go and 'Find' myself?:confused:

I think that he is being honest and realistic with you. There is so much in life that you have not explored yet. You are at the age to begin and go on that expedition. Why hinder it by being committed to someone so soon?

Your situation is truly an example of not being able to see the forest because of the trees.

Yes, you should go and find who you are, who and what you want to be.

And, in answer to your first question concerning your being jealous possibly because of the difference in your ages - being jealous or not can be a determinant factor as to how mature you are. If you were mature, you would realize that because of the difference in age between the two of you, then of course he would be likely to have much more experience at certain things. You would accept that fact if you were to look at it from a mature persons standpoint.

Being sexually attracted to someone is only the tip of the iceberg as far as having a deep, loving relationship with someone is concerned. Many more things go into truly being in love. Look at the people who are still in love who are no longer able to have sex. Is your love for this man something that goes beyond sex?

Your "first and only sexual partner?" Please give yourself a chance at life. You have only just begun.

I again, would suggest that you find yourself, who and what you want to be. It is going to take some years to do that. Please be patient with yourself.

Concerning your daughter - does he love the child? Is he there for her? Is he providing the money needed to raise her? He is the father, correct?

These questions also need to be answered to your satisfaction from a mature and intelligent standpoint when considering making a commitment to someone with whom you think you are in love.

I am sure that I have not answered this post as well as others can. But, at least it is a start.

I think the previous poster has given some excellent advice. At 18, you are very young and what your partner is saying, he is basing on experience. Most 18 - 23 year olds (or even beyond) need to spend time finding themselves, exploring life and what they want from it. If you make the wrong decisions when you are so young, chances are you will do that exploring later on anyway or have some serious regrets.

The concern here though is you rdaughter and this is a very important thing to consider. He has told you to find yourself but this cannot be at the expense of your daughter. If you did not have a daughter then things would be easier I believe in this situation.

Life has a way of changing us, and the decisions you make now are the ones that will either help, or hinder you through the growing process, so give your actions a lot of thought, and put the welfare of your child first and foremost.

I have accepted the fact that he has had other partners in the past and I knew that when I got with him three years ago. Maybe it is my inexperience that is the problem and if I too had had a past (relationship wise) I wouldn't be as insecure as I am.

I will always put my daughter first.

We have all heard age doesn't matter... well, I disagree in this instance. Age may not matter so much between a 30 year old and a 40 year old, but between you and him, it probably does. I agree that he is being honest with you when he says you need to find yourself. It's hard to make life-long decisions at your age, because you simply don't have the experience to make good judgment call yet. It has nothing to do with a lack of maturity or not being in love, it is literally a lack of life experience that can only be obtained with time.

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Originally Posted by jody88

I am a very jealous person and i get very insecure when my partner looks at other women even if it is just in lads mags or newpapers. It makes me feel ugly and not good enough for him. He knows i feel this way yet he continues to do it and says that i am being pathetic. He has now even accused me of feeling this way because i have something to be guilty about. We are currently seperated and have been for 2 weeks because of this problem. I want him back but i am worried that the same thing will keep on happening. Am i the one that is totally to blame for our problems?:confused:

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Well its natural for everyone to get jealous sometime in there life it natural and don't blame yourself cause it only makes it harder on yourself talk to him and remember that just because he looks doesn't mean that he wants that girl and take it slow call him up and tell him your sorry for your action and that you want another chance you have to have trust in your relationship for it to work

I have been separated from my partner for just over 2weeks now and last night he asked if I could phone him. So I did and when he asked where I was I answered him honestly and told him I had gone out for a drink. When I had told him this his mood changed and he said that what he phoned about didn't matter anymore. He has told me before he doesn't want me back so why is he bothered that I have gone out?

The best way to get information, and not be confused is to ask him whats up. I suspect he was expecting you to be at home crying your eyes out over him. Ask him.