Ask Me Help Desk - Should I Call Him BACK?

Hi everyone -

I've been dating a 51year old man and I'm 40. Things were great and I felt we were growing closer. He is such a gentlemen and we laughed all the time! He is separated not divorced yet. 25 year married and 2 kids in there 20's... he has a lot on his plate as far as career a lot of stress.

Ok here's what happened... we were going on a weekend trip over easter and that morning before we were going to leave I called to see what was up. He said he did not want to go and he doesn't want a relationship and wants to be a lone!! I was shocked and just responded in a mature loving way by saying OK I'm not going to force anything and told him how sorry I am it turned out this way.
He said sorry to me a few days later (BY TEXT) with a huge apology saying how this was an all time low for him to act this way... and he doesn't know why he had a meltdown. Sorry for me to be the brunt of it all, and stress is a lame excuse. I have not contacted him back it has been almost 2 weeks. This is not the first time he has told me he can't give me 100% and he wants no expectation. But things were so fun and easy... I just wanted to ride the wave and see what happens.

His x is an alcoholic and it was a very tough few years towards the end of the married.

I'm missing him now! But I'm stubborn and want to let him know he can't apologize by text and if he really wants to be with me now... I do want things to change if I continue to date him. I'm not getting any younger!

Help pleeez... ~ lulu

The man isn't divorced yet. You are correct. He does have a lot on his plate. The man probably just needs some space to sort out his own thoughts and feelings, let alone what he is dealing with in his life.

Seven years together with someone is a long time. I'm wondering who is divorcing who? After someone gets divorced it can take a long time before a person may feel like dating. It may take many months or longer.

If there truly are mutually good and honest feelings between the two of you, then they will still be there after the divorce.

It is best not to act as though you are desperate. Please be patient and not in a hurry.

Clough -

Thank you for your advise... I will be patient and if it is meant to be it will happen!
I'm sure it is hard to get over a 25 year married sorry not 7 he told ne the last 7 years has been really tough... her drinking got very bad.

Do you think that because he is a bit older and maybe stubborn. That is why he has not tried to contact me after his apology? He has too much pride since I did not return the text?

I just got a great promotion and going to Greece for a week before I start my new job! To many good things are happening to get to worried about what he's thinking.

I do really miss him but I have to trust things are happening for a reason.

Thank you for reading.

Lulu

Quote:

Originally Posted by lululovesaloha

Hi everyone -

I've been dating a 51year old man and I'm 40. Things were great and I felt we were growing closer. He is such a gentlemen and we laughed all the time! He is separated not divorced yet. 25 year married and 2 kids in there 20's.....he has a lot on his plate as far as career a lot of stress.

Ok here's what happened....we were going on a weekend trip over easter and that morning before we were going to leave I called to see what was up. He said he did not want to go and he doesn't want a relationship and wants to be a lone!!! I was shocked and just responded in a mature loving way by saying ok I'm not going to force anything and told him how sorry I am it turned out this way.
He said sorry to me a few days later (BY TEXT) with a huge apology saying how this was an all time low for him to act this way...and he doesn't know why he had a meltdown. Sorry for me to be the brunt of it all, and stress is a lame excuse. I have not contacted him back it has been almost 2 weeks. This is not the first time he has told me he can't give me 100% and he wants no expectation. But things were so fun and easy....I just wanted to ride the wave and see what happens.

His x is an alcoholic and it was a very tough few years towards the end of the married.

I'm missing him now! But I'm stubborn and want to let him know he can't apologize by text and if he really wants to be with me now...I do want things to change if I continue to date him. I'm not getting any younger!

Help pleeez...~ lulu

Hello!
I would really think about how he hurt you on the phone when he said what he said! Do you really want to get back with him and him do that to you in 6 months tme when you are a lot closer.
He not even divorced yet. And it can take people years to get over something like that! She might have a drinking problem but deep down he will still love her after 25 years of marriage! So if you really need to talk to him maybe you should wright him a letter saying how you feel and how his text apoligy was not good enough! You don't even need to post the letter but it will get some of the things off your mind!

Love abi xx

You really are thinking about this too much. I would be doing the same thing. If you don't know, you don't know. Please don't keep ruminating about it.

Best to get on with things in your own life. You are absolutely correct when you said, "To many good things are happening to get to worried about what he's thinking."

And yes, things are happening for a reason. Just trust in that fact. You don't need to know everything. Also, like you said, "If it is meant to be, it will happen."

Have a great time in Greece! I'm sure that it will help to take your mind off things that are bothering you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by abi123

hello!
i would really think about how he hurt you on the phone when he said what he said! do you really want to get back with him and him do that to you in 6 months tme when you are alot closer.
he not even divorced yet. and it can take people years to get over somthing like that! she might have a drinking problem but deep down he will still love her after 25 years of marrage! so if you really need to talk to him maybe you should wright him a letter saying how you feel and how his text apoligy was not good enough! you dont even need to post the letter but it will get some of the things off your mind!

luv abi xx

Thanks I really do need the realization @ times when I'm thinking about him! I am a strong person with great loving people in my life so your advise was great!
It really made me feel better.

Best to you,

Lulu

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

You really are thinking about this too much. I would be doing the same thing. If you don't know, you don't know. Please don't keep ruminating about it.

Best to get on with things in your own life. You are absolutely correct when you said, "To many good things are happening to get to worried about what he's thinking."

And yes, things are happening for a reason. Just trust in that fact. You don't need to know everything. Also, like you said, "If it is meant to be, it will happen."

Have a great time in Greece! I'm sure that it will help to take your mind off of things that are bothering you.

Yes! Thanks I will How can I not... right? OK on with my life:)

Yoga and a night out with the girls will be the plan for the weekend!

Best to you,

Lulu

Ps I love this site... you've been on for a while huh? My first time

Quote:

Originally Posted by lululovesaloha

Hi everyone -

I've been dating a 51year old man and I'm 40. Things were great and I felt we were growing closer. He is such a gentlemen and we laughed all the time! He is separated not divorced yet. 25 year married and 2 kids in there 20's.....he has a lot on his plate as far as career a lot of stress.

Ok here's what happened....we were going on a weekend trip over easter and that morning before we were going to leave I called to see what was up. He said he did not want to go and he doesn't want a relationship and wants to be a lone!!! I was shocked and just responded in a mature loving way by saying ok I'm not going to force anything and told him how sorry I am it turned out this way.
He said sorry to me a few days later (BY TEXT) with a huge apology saying how this was an all time low for him to act this way...and he doesn't know why he had a meltdown. Sorry for me to be the brunt of it all, and stress is a lame excuse. I have not contacted him back it has been almost 2 weeks. This is not the first time he has told me he can't give me 100% and he wants no expectation. But things were so fun and easy....I just wanted to ride the wave and see what happens.

His x is an alcoholic and it was a very tough few years towards the end of the married.

I'm missing him now! But I'm stubborn and want to let him know he can't apologize by text and if he really wants to be with me now...I do want things to change if I continue to date him. I'm not getting any younger!

Help pleeez...~ lulu

I'm going through the same thing with a guy loving the text messages, I think it's just simpler for men to do so and they don't get we need a call. But a good friend told me, never except a text from a guy more then "i'm running late"... haha I think it's a good theory! Of course the "have a good day" ones are even better.