Ask Me Help Desk - Can't shake it off

Can't shake it off

My husband and I have had a unstable marriage over 8.5 yrs. Finally, as a result , we decided to separate for a while and possibly reconcilliate later on. This was agreeable to both of us until my father and step mother caught him in public with another woman. I was devastated! almost to the point of totally losing it. To make matter worse, I found a pair of his pants on our sofa with faint blood stains (of course he says it's pizza sauce) but Iam a health professional and trust me I KNOW BLOOD STAINS anywhere! Can't shake the thoughts of him having sex with someone else and leaving the evidence behhind. How can I shake this or get past the thoughts of him having sex with someone else?

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Originally Posted by scorpio124

my husband and I have had a unstable marriage over 8.5 yrs. finally, as a result , we decided to separate for a while and possibly reconcilliate later on. This was agreeable to both of us until my father and step mother caught him in public with another woman. I was devasted!!almost to the point of totally losing it. to make matter worse, I found a pair of his pants on our sofa with faint blood stains (of course he says it's pizza sauce) but Iam a health professional and trust me I KNOW BLOOD STAINS anywhere! can't shake the thoughts of him having sex with someone else and leaving the evidence behhind. How can I shake this or get past the thoughts of him having sex with someone else?

Didn't you think or know that 'separation' opened the way for your husband to see other women, or, you seeing other men? That is one reason some couples get a separation.. to see if their spouses are really the ones for them after they 'play the field' again for awhile. Do you mind saying why your marriage had been 'unstable'?

I forgot to really comment on your real question. I think the only way you could get past the thoughts of your husband having sex with another woman depends on how much you both feel about one another when he comes back. I can tell you truly love him since you are so upset. I have a feeling that you will be so thrilled when he returns that you'll put aside the thought of the 'other woman', and feel special and cherished that he turned away from her (one night stand) and returned to his true love, you. I hope it works out for you. Having positive thoughts for you!

First, I know it may sound crazy but we both decided that a separation was needed for a while because of a very stressful marriage and my health. At this time, I am not dating or intend to. Why? Because we are still married and the separation was meant to allow time to sort out our feelings. ( not to screw other people). Currently, he decided to leave and move into an apt. He continues to deny being involved with anyone. But all this does not matter, I have thought about this and decided to file for a divorce. The marriage was unstable because I chose to marry an habitual liar and a whore of a man. Yes, I do love him but not enough to catch a deadly disease. No sloppy seconds acccepted here

If that is the way you feel and you know for a fact he is with others, then the best thing for you to do is get a divorce.

Joe

It looks like the separation gave YOU time, too, to think things through.. and to come to terms with how you had been feeling about your husband. You love him, but you don't love what he has become. I'm so sorry it has come to this for you and your marriage. You sound like your head is on straight and you are moving ahead with confidence. I wish you luck and a painless journey. Take care.

Thanks for all those who gave me advice and wished me luck. I'm still aching and cry daily but I know that this is necessary in order for me to heal. Thanks again! Sincerely, scorpio

Ps-nothing like a pair of your husband's blood stained pants ( in the front inside zipper area) to help you make up you mind- no what I mean?

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Originally Posted by scorpio124

thanks for all those who gave me advice and wished me luck. I'm still aching and cry daily but I know that this is necessary in order for me to heal. Thanks again! sincerely, scorpio

Ps-nothing like a pair of your husband's blood stained pants ( in the front inside zipper area) to help ya make up ya mind- no what i mean?

Thinking about the stains you saw would be the clincher, I agree. I guess if you are having any 2nd thoughts, all you'd have to do is remember the blood stains. :mad: I think even if you gave him a 2nd chance, your mind would always go back to seeing those stains. I wish you strength. I have no doubt that you cry and ache. You were in the marriage for the long haul.. you didn't expect this diversion. Take care and stay strong.