I never did talk to anyone about how I felt about my mother. If you ask people what kind of person my mom is they would tell you that she is the best. I wish that was true. I am the oldest of three. I am 28 and my brothers are 25 and 16. Growing up with my mother was hell. I knew when I was little that she never wanted me. She told me that she was going to put me up for adoption but she looked at me and knew she had to keep me. Well life went on and I would she her treat my brothers like they are her little kings and I was the slave. I moved out when I was 17. That Christmas I went over to her house to spend it with the family. As they all opened the gifts I sat there and wondered where was my gifts. It took all I had to hold in my tears. At the end she handed me a card. As I opened the card there was a piece of paper in it that had all the things that they did for the year. (car ride $5, stamps, phone call and ext.) I wanted to die right there. I meet this man and had my first child. The man was a real man that liked to hit and so on. I left him and moved back in with my mother. I had a room at her house because my brother was off to college. That was hell. Every day she would tell me to get the fuc* out. My brother got kicked out of school and I was moved to the couch and that is what I had for a place to sleep keep my things and stay. I meet this man and I took him over to meet my family. My mom said to him “so you want to be with my nasty daughter.” I wanted to die. I could no believe she said that. I felt like a scum. I moved out and moved in with him the Jan. 1 2002. Today my mother is not my friend nor is she a mom to me. She tells me I am jealous of my 2 brothers and I am. I told her you have the 26 your old who likes 14 year olds and you stand by him. You have the 16 year old playing house with a 18 and when I tell you that I feel uncomfortable coming here you don’t give 2 craps. I have 3 girls. 9, 4, and 3. My 2 little was have serious medical problems and she has never came to see them when they were in the hospital. My baby died and they got her back but she never came, but when my brother was in jail they where their ever day there was visiting hours. I just found out that the real reason my mother was going to put me up at birth was because I am ¾ black and she did not know how dark I was. I also wish she would treat me like she does my brothers girlfriends. I live in the same town and she has only been to my husband and my house 9 times in the last 4 ½ years. I love her and I don’t know what I did for her to hate me.

First of all, you did nothing, absolutely nothing that made her hate you. Her problems were not caused by you, were not influenced by you, were not designed or put in place because of you. There are some people who should never have children - or who should have those children removed for their own safety while they are still young enough to have no memory of their parent(s). I honestly believe that.

Your Mother most likely hates herself and cannot admit that her own life is a result of her own actions. So she looks to others to blame, to make fun of, to hurt, to try and make them feel lower than the dirt she herself feels. I understand you wanting her love and approval and acceptance. But you are not going to get that from her. Not now and not tomorrow. That may sound rough but it is true. I have been there.

The best thing, the most productive thing you can do is for your own family. Love them. Show your children what you missed in your growing up. Accept your children as they are, accept yourself for who you are. Walk away from your Mom and that whole scene there. All that does is reinforce all the negative things she has ever said and has ever done to you. Please know you do not deserve that. You did nothing to warrant the poison she spews out at you. Walk away, cut the ties, and resolve yourself to caring for your husband and children and yourself. Make your life happy. The best revenge you can ever have is to take everything dished out to you and turn it around. Like taking an old dress and recycling it, adding pretty things, making the dress better than new.

I would also suggest, strongly suggest, that you get into some personal counseling. You have a lot of torment in your soul and weight on your shoulders. A counselor can help you see how those events in your life were not your blame and also how to turn the ashes in the brightest flame of life.

Do you get a chance to read much? Some books that have helped me gain insight are, "A Well-Tended Soul" by Valerie Bell, "Keep Going" by Joseph M. Marshall III, "Your Perfect Right" by Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D. and Michael L. Emmons, Ph.D, "You Don't Have To Take It Anymore" by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. and "One-Way Relationships Workbook" by Alfred H. Ells.

Blessings to you and your family. May you succeed where you thought you deserved to fail. Because you are one dynamic, wonderful, beautiful woman. God bless you.

Since my wife and I have been married almost 8 years now, we have been to my mom 2 times ( one because my dad passed)

My mom has never been to my home in over 15 years.

A parent may not be a friend, and not all are good at being mothers.
You need to look forward and perhaps get counseling, you need to live your life and not let her control or be a worry in it.

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Originally Posted by Alone16915

I never did talk to anyone about how I felt about my mother. If you ask people what kind of person my mom is they would tell you that she is the best. I wish that was true. I am the oldest of three. I am 28 and my brothers are 25 and 16. Growing up with my mother was hell. I knew when I was little that she never wanted me. She told me that she was going to put me up for adoption but she looked at me and knew she had to keep me. Well life went on and I would she her treat my brothers like they are her little kings and I was the slave. I moved out when I was 17. That Christmas I went over to her house to spend it with the family. As they all opened the gifts I sat there and wondered where was my gifts. It took all I had to hold in my tears. At the end she handed me a card. As I opened the card there was a piece of paper in it that had all the things that they did for the year. (car ride $5, stamps, phone call and ext.) I wanted to die right there. I meet this man and had my first child. The man was a real man that liked to hit and so on. I left him and moved back in with my mother. I had a room at her house because my brother was off to college. That was hell. Every day she would tell me to get the fuc* out. My brother got kicked out of school and I was moved to the couch and that is what I had for a place to sleep keep my things and stay. I meet this man and I took him over to meet my family. My mom said to him “so you want to be with my nasty daughter.” I wanted to die. I could no believe she said that. I felt like a scum. I moved out and moved in with him the Jan. 1 2002. Today my mother is not my friend nor is she a mom to me. She tells me I am jealous of my 2 brothers and I am. I told her you have the 26 your old who likes 14 year olds and you stand by him. You have the 16 year old playing house with a 18 and when I tell you that I feel uncomfortable coming here you don’t give 2 craps. I have 3 girls. 9, 4, and 3. My 2 little was have serious medical problems and she has never came to see them when they were in the hospital. my baby died and they got her back but she never came, but when my brother was in jail they where their ever day there was visiting hours. I just found out that the real reason my mother was going to put me up at birth was because I am ¾ black and she did not know how dark I was. I also wish she would treat me like she does my brothers girlfriends. I live in the same town and she has only been to my husband and my house 9 times in the last 4 ½ years. I love her and I don’t know what I did for her to hate me.

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That is absolutely horribe. I am in foster care with Department of Human Services yet my brothers aren't, sometimes I get jealous of the way their life is turning out yet I also have to force myself to remember those horrible days when abuse clouded the house, and my mother being so sick, it wasn't a place to live. I am so sorry to here that story but you have to be thankful for your past bewcause it made you the person you are today. It made you stronger, and through all that pain and hurt you are still alive. I would be congradulating myself.

You might not agree to this, but you need to stay away from her. You did nothing to ask for this. However you are setting yourself up for a let down every time you see her. You don't need that kind emotional abuse and you surely don't want your children around that either. Let me ask you this? You said you love her. Why? Was she a mother to you? Did she comfort you and give YOU love? Are you loving her because you feel it is the right thing to do and you would be criticized if you didn't? It is OK to not feel love for someone whether it is a parent or not. Start with loving yourself. Show her what she is missing in her life. STAY AWAY.

I would agree that you need to go into therapy. You are no longer a child, you are a grown woman. Your Mom continues to treat you like you are a child - and if she is abusive now, she was abusive when you were a child. It is not all right for your Mother to disrespect you and hurt you this way. Your Mother needs to know how painful her words are. Could it be that your Mother is jealous of you? Are you competition for her? Women who are jealous of their daughters are notorious for destroying their relationships with their daughters. And this type of Mother will reject her daughter because the daughter is an extension of herself - and if she hates herself, you become the target of her anger for everything that was done to her as a child. She is really hurting you with her hate. Your brothers are men and are not competition for her - so she gets along with them. It is not your issue, it is your Mother's. You really do need to speak to a Therapist about this situation for your sanity and self-esteem.

Your mother is a jackass and doesn't have a clue what the definition of being a mother is. I would NEVER EVER treat my children with anything but love regardless of their race, health etc.. You did not deserve this and she did not deserve you! It sounds as though you have a family and three wonderful children. Focus your energies on provided a good stable home for them, one filled with the love that you never had. Make it your mission to be a great person and fantastic mother and forget about her, she isn't worth it.

Counseling and therapy would be a great option as it can help you channel your negative feelings towards her and your childhood into something positive. Don't waste your life trying to please someone who is clearly very ill.