Okay.. here it is quick and fast... Was in a year and a half relationship with my ex... broke up over communication issues (she stated I never opened up enough:confused: ).. so we broke up in February and were doing the on and off no contact during that time.. By April I got real good at not contacting her especially at how cold she would seem but she texted me 2 weeks ago saying Hi and how hard the break up was for her too.. I'm a sucker and do want her back so I replied that I know and agreed to her open invite for coffee... didnt hear from her for another two weeks but texted her two days ago asking why she wanted to go for coffee... she replied that she was missing me and had been "selfish":confused: in not following up... I told her that if we meet we need to hash out what are issues are and not meet just to catch up.. she didn't reply until the next day when she said that she didn't know how to take that and that she would call me that night... so she did,last night and I basically played it cool trying to allow her to talk... She said she didn't know what to say and when I tried to talk to her about the reason why she said she was missing me, she got defensive saying that it was a weak moment and said that she didn't want to get back together.. this from the same person who when we broke up and I gave back her key had told me that I'm taking our "break" way to serious and that there is still something there between us!. so I got frustrated last night and gave it back to her and told her to never contact me again ever!. Dont know what to do? Actually I do, but still love her! Help !:confused:

She had also slipped in her conversation with me last night, and mentioned a friend (who I suspected had been involved in counselling her on our situation)... it was a slip on her part and as soon as she brought up her name she immediately changed the subject and got extra defensive... not sure on how this plays into things but can't help but feel that this friend is hindering any progression with us! The ex had before mentioned (while we were together) how this friend went through a similar situation with her current boyfriend and I can't help but feel that she is feeding her a blueprint thinking everyone is the same and will react the same way... and that she is buying in to this... does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this? Or better yet is there anything that I can even do! :confused:

Guess you two still have a lot of issues to heal from. Personally the conflict seems to be in the way you communicate with each other. You don't seem very patient when expressing yourselves.

I don't understand the question. Do you want to know how to get over her or what you two need to do to get your act together?

She doesn't love you so what you need to do is maintain no contact and move on. Every time you make contact you get hurt deeper and deeper. She was apparently having a weak moment and contacted you because she knew you would be there... kind of using you to help her through a bad spot. Stop letting her control your life - you deserve someone who is capable of returning your love.

Hugs, Didi

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Guess you two still have a lot of issues to heal from. Personally the conflict seems to be in the way you communicate with each other. You don't seem very patient when expressing yourselves.

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There are other issues and I tried to keep it brief.. I agree that the way we communicated wasn't helpful to the situation at all... I chose to keep things that bothered me inside while she always wanted to discuss them... I think this scared her a great deal in going forward and I recognized this and tried to share that with her at the beginning of the break up but our conversations always ended up breaking down into a blame game... also she had said that I had said that I loved her when we initially broke up but that it seemed forced... it kills me that she believes that because I always felt I showed it by doing everything for her. I just can't believe that these issues can't be resolved and more over that she would not want to give this a try again... I don't think I'm reading to far into things when I say that even though I can see the hurt in her eyes that I believe that there is still feelings there? Guess I just wanted to know if hope is totally gone?

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Originally Posted by Emland

I don't understand the question. Do you want to know how to get over her or what you two need to do to get your act together?

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Moreover what I need to do to get my act together? Or whether it is probably too late for that after our last exchange?

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Originally Posted by grammadidi

She doesn't love you so what you need to do is maintain no contact and move on. Every time you make contact you get hurt deeper and deeper. She was apparantly having a weak moment and contacted you because she knew you would be there.... kinda using you to help her through a bad spot. Stop letting her control your life - you deserve someone who is capable of returning your love.

Hugs, Didi

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Thanks Didi.. I believe your right in saying that she had used me to get through that tough spot.. but I just can't believe that there is nothing left in terms of love towards me. Probably naïve yes, but I know this girl... We have had little arguments in which I always suggested us taking a break and she always was against it.. so for me to believe that she totally doesn't love me and maybe want to work things out down the road is a hard pill for me to swallow.. Again maybe just naïve and needing a reality check... :(

Reality check, You are not able to effectively communicate, therefore a relationship is very difficult. Accept the shortcomings and leave each other alone and move on.

No, there is nothing you can really do. Your ex girlfriend needs to make decisions. It is up to her if she makes them on her own or from somebody else feeding her information on how to. Your broke up and I have a feeling in this situation it is best that there is NO MORE CONTACT.

So those of you who have read my past post know that the ex and I broke it off in February. So we have had on and off contact initiated by both sides since then... but our last conversation has me perplexed.. She had sent me a text 3 weeks ago saying Hi, I responded the next day saying Hi as well. The delay seemed to bother her and she told me how hard this has been for her too. I caved in on my coolness towards her a bit and she invited me for coffee sometime. I said that sounded good but didn't pursue a date. Fast forward to last week while I'm telling my friends the latest on my situation. They think she was offering an olive branch and suggested I call her and find out why she really wanted to meet. I text her with the question and at first she was evasive saying she had no real agenda, but after a few more texts she says "I was missing you and have been selfish thats why I didnt call..didnt want to talk to you about being buddies...you seem put off by the meet, take care". I had previously told her during our break up that I don't want her as a friend, its all of her as a girlfriend or nothing. Anyway, I think I jumped the gun and reiterated that in a reply text to which she responded after a couple hours, "I dont know what to think of that,call you tommorow".
Fast fwd again to the next evening, I return home from a baseball game and she calls me. I didn't get two words into asking how she is when she says " I dont want to get back together!" she then starts bringing up old argument issues. I asked her then why she stated she missed me and she blurts out "It was a weak moment!". Now she knows I never really get upset but I was pissed and yelled at her to not call, text or attempt to contact me anymore, that we were done! And hung up.. she texts me not 10sec. Later and writes "I am really sorry (my name)". I told her that I don't want her sorry or her pity. Whew! (sorry so long)... bottom line is I still want her back and I want to know if I ruined everything by jumping the gun on her olive branch offering and making altimatums? Do you think she will ever try to contact again? And what should I do now? Would appreciate ANY advice!

I'm thinking that she mostly wants you to be wanting her.

And I don't think you can really know whether she misses you, she misses the attention (whether its you or not), or whether she just wants to know if you are hurting.

Lets face it... we all want our exs to miss us. Whether it was an ugly breakup, a break, or amicable. We want the other person to want us a little most of the time... since we found comfort in that before.

So... I don't think you did anything wrong. You got mad. She was playing head games. I think she might be hurting but that doesn't mean that she's ready to be in a relationship.

Again... flipping back and forth is unsteady. Even if you like her, its better to be with someone who is standing on solid ground.

I don't know the story behind the breakup. But id suggest not getting back together unless you really think you can solve whatever the problem was. If it isn't solved, in time the comfort of getting back together will again fall to the issues that caused the break in the first place.

Only you can decide if you are willing to try again. If she keeps running head games, id say you are better off without.

Forget the head games and posturing back and forth as this is confusing and unhealthy. I can only suggest you leave each other alone for a while with no contact between you so you both can get your feelings in a better perspective. She is needy for your attention and you want more than she is going to give you so leave each other alone and work on yourselves for a while. She probably will contact you , but I guarantee either you argue or there will be even more confusion.