I have been in a relationship since two years. Our relationship has been on and off because we have had so many issues. We both wanted to make this relation work and regardless of our fights, we always got back to each other. End of last year I broke up with him and we weren't in touch for a month or two. I met one guy during that time and I kind of developed a fling for him. However apart from some flirtatious conversations and hang outs, there was nothing else. My boyfriend believed that I left him for this new guy. I started missing my boyfriend and when I called him, a girl answered his phone and told me that she was his girlfriend and asked me to not call him again. I met him in person and again we sorted things out. He did that because I am the one who broke up with him. He told me that she was his friend's girlfriend (that friend has multiple girls whom this friend s around with). We decided to start fresh. He promised that he didn't sleep with her. He kept on asking if I did with the guy whom I met in between. I honestly didn't even touch that guy and I was the one who told my boyfriend about this guy, else he wouldn't even know. Last night my boyfriend came over and we were having a good time. When he left he forgot his phone at my place. By the time I went behind him to hand over the phone he had left. I wasn't planning to check his phone. But all of a sudden a message popped up which said 'I miss you'. I broke the ethics and opened the chat to see that it was a flirtatious chat. She has been sending her pictures for which he would say 'sexy woman'. She sending him kiss smileys and miss yous etc. I couldn't read much. This was just a glance. By then he came back. I locked the door, he was paranoid.. he was panicking. And he broke in the locked door and grabbed the phone from me. I asked him to show the chat and he deleted the entire chat. He kept on saying that she was his friend's girlfriend (who spoke to me before), and that he is just trying to be nice with her, because his friend broke her car, and he doesn't want her to call the cops. He also said that he saw his friend and her having sex and that's why he is being nice with her (I don't understand this logic though). I was annoyed and I asked him to call her and talk like normal, so I would know what's going on. But he didn't call. Rather he turned the tables on me. He asked me to call the guy whom I said I had a fling on. I couldn't call him because we weren't even talking. I couldn't just call him out of the blue for no reason. Like we aren't even on talking terms. He wanted me to call him and tell in front of my boyfriend that I didn't have sex with him. He started to call that guy from my phone. So I grabbed the phone and no way I could let him make a call and embarrass myself. I asked him to call her because I know they are talking, because the recent message showed that they are talking. I asked him to leave. He became a monster and he tried to take the phone from me and started to blame me for cheating on him. He was like he knew hat I had sex with the other guy and that's why am not calling him. I just wanted him to leave the place but he wasn't leaving. My room mates and everyone came to know because I cried out for help since he wasn't leaving and was trying to grab the phone from me and hurting me in the process. When my flat mates came out of their rooms and I threatened him saying I will call the cops he left. Later I called him to ask to fix the door that he broke, he again questioned me asking if I slept with the other guy and he started crying saying that I cheated on him, else why would I show the behavior I showed. So basically since I didn't let him call the other guy from my phone, he thinks I cheated on him and he blocked me from everywhere. I am feeling very depressed and disturbed since yesterday. I don't know if I overreacted. Or was he was really cheating on me. He was like he was talking to her as a friend and that there was nothing. Then why would he delete the chat? I don't know what to do. In general I have always felt that he really wants me in his life, and that I am important to him. He always tries to initiate the conversation after a fight, and he has always wanted this relation to work - at least that's how I have felt. But I have no idea whom he chats with or whom he meets. He constantly asks me if I slept with the other guy, and now he concluded that I did and he blocked me from everywhere. Please share your thoughts.. I am really really depressed.

Please turn off the computer and go back to your middle school.

You two sound way too immature to have a relationship with anyone including a pet. If you have a pet, give it up for adoption. And why the heck would you be depressed? This is your life minute by minute by minute. Honestly this could be the most immaturity I've seen on this site. My 14 year olds when they were 11 were much more mature than this.

OH
MY
GOD!
tulip1234, how old are you both?
First of all, NO ONE can tell you if he's cheating on you, especially strangers online. NO ONE can tell you if he had something sexual going on after YOU broke up with HIM.

There's 2 very different situations here. One is what went on after you broke up. It is NONE of your business.
Second is now that you are back together. You are both acting the SAME and it's childish. Neither of you trusts the other, nor believes the other.

I suggest that you break up again, and don't have any relationships until you can be more adult.
Maybe if you can afford it you can both go get lie detector tests. Whoever passes gets paid by the whoever fails. DOUBLE. At least!

I wasn't even asking him what happened after we broke up. I asked once if he had sex with her. He said no, and that's it. But this annoyed me because we are back together and even then the flirting is going on.

I'd be flirting too. You aren't very reliable - remember????
Do you see how you want it both ways?
You can't just break up with someone and then decide 'you are starting to miss him' and expect everything to be just like before.

Neither of you actually TALKS about what matters. Your entire overly long story is all about who flirted or more and who believes it or not. You are just not ready for a relationship.
And you just sound younger and younger..... and haven't said how old you are yet.

We both are in our early twenties

Quote:

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Our relationship has been on and off because we have had so many issues.

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So now it's off again, because you still have issues. Is this a new issue, or a different type of issue? What are the issues that broke you up before? Lying, cheating, snooping?

Quote:

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Last night my boyfriend came over and we were having a good time. When he left he forgot his phone at my place. By the time I went behind him to hand over the phone he had left. I wasn't planning to check his phone. But all of a sudden a message popped up which said 'I miss you'. I broke the ethics and opened the chat to see that it was a flirtatious chat.

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You broke the ethic, didn't like what you saw, and confronted him, but he managed to flip the script. Did I get that right? How old are you both? If the pattern holds as it's been, then you will work it out get back together and bust up again when your ISSUES catch up to you. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship if you cannot learn to resolve the issues you both have.

I don't know if he cheated or not, but it's obvious he feels free to do his thing with others when you guys are OFF, and it was his turn to say it is off. Imagine that. It was better than making a stupid phone call to this flirty female though, so it was a slick move on his part, plus now you are depressed, and he still gets to talk to the flirty female without cheating, or answering to you.

You really do need to rethink this make up to break up relationship, and why you think this is a healthy love. I'm all ears. This should be good.

Our initial issues were different. He doesn't have a stable job, and he was financially dependent on me, and was wasting time playing video games. But we resolved that issue, and he saved up money later. Also, he promised that he will find a better job before the year end. That's when I broke up with him earlier. He asked for another chance, I didn't give. That's when I met this other guy. However, I started missing my boyfriend and I got back with him. But as per my boyfriend, I left him for another person, which wasn't the case. There wouldn't even be a third person if things were fine between us. Anyway, we started fresh. Things were going fine until I saw this chat between him and that girl. And he is mad at me now because he turned the tables on me, and he believes I cheated on him when we were not together. I don't even care what he did when we were apart. It bothered me to know he still was having secret chats with women when we are together. And he deleted that chat when I asked him to show it to me. I showed my phone and there was no chat. He thinks I deleted everything. I didn't delete any. There was no chat. That's it. He is 23 and I am 24.

When people go online to ask for relationship advice, they direct how they want the advice to go without realizing it.
You are sort of changing your tune to 'he's not that bad.'
So it sounds like he's been irresponsible about life and career, but is 'trying.' You have said nothing about yours. That is important! MUCH more important than who is flirting or not.
Finances are statistically far far and away the number one stated area of stress in couples, more than sex or jealousy.
He's been depending on you financially. That is only fair for so long. You know what? 'Before the end of the year' isn't good enough in my book. It's only February!
Sit down together at a nice calm friendly time with paper and pencil and work on a time limit. Write down your joint expenses, including rent, even if you are paying the rent, or most of it - he has to be able to pay half of everything.
If you set a deadline, mean it. No excuses about 'a job I heard about sounds good.' He leaves.

You'd be surprised how other things fall into place when you live well together financially. It's concrete. It's a start. It's doable.
And stop snooping. It's never anything but trouble.
I don't see that you are overall a more mature person than he is.

We used to live together before. And he knew I was the more responsible one. So he never really bothered. I used to pay bills and rent on time. Though he used to pay me later. Since this behavior annoyed me and we used to have fights based on these topics, we decided to live separate. It was me who wanted to move out, because I felt too much responsibility on me. And then once he started living separate, he saved up some money apparently. He owes me around 600 $ which he never gave. I wrote it off. I have a full time job and I earn more than him. We talked on all of these topics, and he agreed that he will do better and that he is already doing better compared to before. The deadline is till September this year. So I decided to stop nagging and let him do things his way. We tried to make this work because when we are happy we are the best. We have similar tastes and views about life. So we thought these issues will go away in time. However after this trust issue, I guess he is not going to get back to me unlike previous times. Once before he had blocked me and broke up with me (as I said before where another girl spoke on his behalf from his phone). And I had to go behind and plead and make things fine because I was the one who broke up. But this time, I didn't do anything bad. I didn't fool around, I didn't flirt. Even if I did, that was when we weren't together. But he behaves as if I cheated on him, when it was he who deleted and kept the chat and conversations with some woman a secret (while we are together). And now he blocked me from everywhere. Though I feel like going behind, I feel I shouldn't.. Just because I didn't call that guy and proved in front of him that I didn't fool around, he started crying and started to behave as if I am the culprit. The base is trust. That is broken. It is very difficult for me to deal with break ups, and hence I keep on clinging on to this. Honestly, I have felt many times that he is very genuine and committed. But after that chat that I read, I really don't know whom to trust and whom to not.

"We have similar tastes and views about life." We see that and it's called nonstop fighting.

Walk away. Block each other. Move. Change your name. Go into the witness protection program. Become a freedom fighter. Anything...

You two have created a volatile drama relationship that is built on nonstop drama. Life is way too short for this or me reading about it.

There are a lot of old sayings about distrust - basically, if someone insists on not believing what they are told the truth is, then they have something to hide themselves.
Of course it isn't really that great a saying, despite a lot of truth to it, because sometimes it's just so obvious that someone is lying.

Anyway, you can keep protesting that you didn't do anything whether together or not, but that's just a good way for him to put all this on you.
You can tell him ''You can keep seeing this woman and block me for what you think you need to do for revenge when there's nothing to revenge. I can't prove anything to you, nor you to me. At the rate we are going, we aren't going to last. You either want to move forward or you want to wallow in mistrust. Mistrust will doom the relationship.''
That's not just words. It's true.
I really do think he's doing this for revenge.
I'd break up with him for good.

I have a little saying of my own:
"You're in love with a memory that never was him.''

Stop clinging and make a clean break, and then the drama, lying, and crying, and blaming stops, and you don't have to worry about trust, or being trusted, or SNOOP after him. Take some time to fix yourself, learn, and do better. Then you keep your dignity and self respect and can slowly get over that break up depression.

If you haven't learned your lesson by now, then this off/on thing you have will repeat itself. Issues just don't go away, they have to be dealt with, and resolved, either together, or apart. You tried it together already, and it didn't work, did it?