Ask Me Help Desk - Friends with an Ex

My ex and I are really good friends even after our break up of almost three months. I broke up with him, I had an emotional night and it was stupid. I was extremely offended by something he said. I know I can't get him back, he won't trust me. The thing is, I really like him. It is hard to just hang out as friends. We always make out or have sex with each other when we see each other. I don't want him to be my friend just for the sex. He says I drive him nuts and that's why we are not together. Well, I don't think I drive him that nuts if he can have sex with me. Okay, well, I know I should stop this sexual relationship. I like that stuff, but I also feel so sad all the time afterwards because I love him and it hurts so bad to no longer have him. I don't want to give up a genuinely good friendship, but I guess it's not good if it's sexual. Could he just be using me? And how do I stop? Like I want to not talk to him again to spare myself, but I love him and I can't get it through his thick skull. He was a huge component in my life. I try to remember life before him, but now as its been two years since I have known him, I haven't really found anything to do in my spare time, except him. Any advice?

After a break up its almost impossible to move on, when your still hanging out and having sex, or talking on the phone. You need time to heal and get over the emotional roller coaster you've been riding for so long. You must break all contact for now, and work on rebuilding a life that you enjoy without him. That means focus on new friends, an old ones you haven't seen in a while, and activities and things you couldn't do before. It takes time and a lot of hard work, but as your feelings settle down, you will be able to be healthy, and see the world much clearer. Until you ge to that healthy part forget having him as a friend, as this will only stop you from moving ahead.

Yea I agree I read an article about this somewhere a long time ago and you can't be friends if you still look at him as your ex its not until you see him and refer to him as just a friend wouthout the thought of him as an ex can you be friends. And its too early for that.

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Originally Posted by 51days

yea i agree i read an article about this somewhere a long time ago and you can't be friends if you still look at him as your ex its not untill you see him and refer to him as just a friend wouthout the thought of him as an ex can you be friends. and its too early for that.

Absolutely!!

How do you accept it's done and that he has changed? You liked him for the kind of person he was, but now you have no idea who he is. I have a new boyfriend now. He just asked me out earlier this evening. I like him, I told him that I loved another man. Now, I just got in a fight with my ex over our friendship. I can't be friends with someone who is rude to me. He implied he will be dating someone else very soon. So, I tried to get advice from him on how to survive in my new relationship and he said he was sick of my problems. He says I drive him nuts. I don't want to talk to him again. He's a great person, just not to me. I don't know why this is happening? I know tomorrow I will want to talk to him. As my boyfriend told me, it's over. I want to move on, so I should move on with him. That's the first step. So, I guess I am doing the right thing?

You are I made a choice almost 2 years ago and that was to never forget my ex and now where speaking again and its stressful for both of us cause she has a boyfriend. We hang out as friends but if where alon its not long before where getting closer and closer and next thing I know where cuddling we can't be friends I'm too jealous of her boyfriend and he's jealous of me I have know idea how this is going to turn out and if I could I would have not come back in contact with her I love her too much again and I remember why I loved her in the beginning. This is a bit of a paradox but I'm at the same time of wishing I never started talking again I'm don't regret it?? Don't ask. If you want things in your life to be simple you will forget his phone number you will delete his email you will forget he exsistes. Its not a matter of what's right and what's wrong it's a matter of how simple you want the next part of your life to be. If you want things to be complicated and confusing you will continue to talk to him if you want things to be simple you will stop talking to him. You won't forget how you feel about him, ever. But you will forget what it was about him you liked in the first place and that's going to take time but if you keep talking to him you won't. Even though you know he has changed you won't be able to forget his face his smell his eyes his hair it will all remind you of the person he was..
I know I'm a hypocrite.

That's my problem. Truthfully, please don't be ticked that I am so young, and I am acting like my love life is a castrophoe. I am eighteen, I am graduating from high school in a month and half. I am going to college. But, I hate school so why am I going to college? My ex was the first person to understand me. I had sex with him even though I swore to God I would wait till marriage. I feel like such a whore. But, I have to remember that I did it in a loving relationship. I just thought he was the one and I feel like it was a horrible judgement call. I feel like no one understands me. I look like I am twelve, my ex says I act like I am ten. Everything is so confusing to me. My problem is that I am very outgoing. So, maybe I am like a flirt. When my ex and I were together I wanted out, but when we were over, I wanted in. I took it as I never knew what I had until it was gone. My ex is a nice person, but not to me. I tell him that and he says well why do you talk to me? That is an excellent question. Truthfully, mabye I am not in love with him. I was in love with the idea of havign someone to love me. I am extremely jealous he is dating someone else now and happy. Everyone else is happy except me always. It's horrible. I broke up with him because he was an absolute jerk and I knew it. We never see eye to eye and it won't work. He puts me down so often even though he hates that about my friends and he is very controlling and always wants me to do stuff. He says I'm obsessive, but the truth of the matter is, he had a fit when I would work late and said I like not seeing him. Well, the guy I am dating, he doesn't know me. He doesn't know what he's getting into. I wanted a boyfriend after my breakup, but now I have one, and I know he will drive me nuts with calling me all the time. I like being independent and doing what I want when I want and having no one to answer to. But, at the same time, I want to be married one day and be a Mommy. I have goals in my life, I don't think he does. I liked my ex for the goals. I think right now, my ideal relationship is no relationship, but I keep digging deeper holes for myself. I fear that I won't have a good life. I fear that I won't do well in college, I won't find a fulfilling job and no man will be able to put up with my moodiness. I want to do what I want when I want and I don't care what anyone thinks. But yet, I want everyone to like me, so I don't make sense, I want to, but I don't know.

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Originally Posted by sarxx7

My ex and I are really good friends even after our break up of almost three months. I broke up with him, I had an emotional night and it was stupid. I was extremely offended by something he said. I know I can't get him back, he won't trust me. The thing is, I really like him. It is hard to just hang out as friends. We always make out or have sex with each other when we see each other. I don't want him to be my friend just for the sex. He says I drive him nuts and that's why we are not together. Well, I don't think I drive him that nuts if he can have sex with me. Okay, well, I know I should stop this sexual relationship. I like that stuff, but I also feel so sad all the time afterwards because I love him and it hurts so bad to no longer have him. I don't want to give up a genuinely good friendship, but I guess it's not good if it's sexual. Could he just be using me? And how do I stop? Like I want to not talk to him again to spare myself, but I love him and I can't get it through his thick skull. He was a huge component in my life. I try to remember life before him, but now as its been two years since I have known him, I haven't really found anything to do in my spare time, except him. Any advice?

I'm 13 and I think you should be friends but when you are about 2 have sex or make out you should think before you do it just remember if you need more help I'm at [email protected] :cool:

That is the whole point you know, is recognizing that we don't know, and taking the time to find out. When we are young, we often make decisions based on our feelings, because that's all we have to go on, but as we get older, and figure out what we want, we can use our life experiences and the facts, to make better decisions. It's a process we all go through, and we all make mistakes along the way, but we learn and keep living and growing.