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-   -   How do I get over my flatmate? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=836115)

  • Dec 17, 2017, 03:36 PM
    DanyT12169
    How do I get over my flatmate?
    Hey, so I’m currently in uni living in halls, and I really don’t want to but I really, fancy my flatmate. I can’t even tell you why cause I have no clue. I can’t escape him we even have the same friends. I need to know how to get over him - any advice would be really helpful.
  • Dec 17, 2017, 06:13 PM
    paraclete
    Find some new friends
  • Dec 17, 2017, 07:09 PM
    joypulv
    You NEED to make a choice between suffering this way, or telling him and suffering if you get rejected (you have to assume that you will be rejected, even though there's a tiny chance you might not).

    If you still can't chose, then flip a coin. The split second that it lands, you gauge your reaction - glad or sad? Then you do the right one.
  • Dec 17, 2017, 07:10 PM
    talaniman
    Choices!
    You have options.

    You talk about it, and see where this can go. Sure, there is a risk of rejection, and as much as that sucks, its an everyday fact of life that we all learn to deal with. Feelings are not often shared the same way between two people. The upside is you gain clarity and do NOT harbor false hopes, and fantasies of something happening that won't if the object of your feelings doesn't feel as intensely for you. It's a reality check for sure. It also may require some adjustments, and leave you both awkward with each other for a while.

    You ride it out in silence, until the lust/attraction fades, in other words, do NOTHING! We all can develop crushes and likes that get very intense especially when we are around a person or people a lot and share activities, and good times, and even bad ones. Shared experiences often lead to attractions.

    You remove yourself from the situation. If you cannot learn to deal with your OWN intense feelings then best to simply get a new flatmate somehow. Of course that may not be an easy thing to do, and may turn your world you are comfortable with upside down. It would be a drastic step and difficult adjustment.

    You develop a life that you enjoy besides him, and your mutual friends. Nothing wrong with breaking from the pack, and being out of your comfort zone. It may help you develop enough self confidence to stand on your own and be independent, and able to expand your horizon, and broaden your perspective of your life, and abilities.

    I suppose it comes down to what you want to do, and what can you handle. How willing are you take take a chance and rock the boat?

    Young relationships are a crap shoot going from thrill to chill, and with flatmates even if there is a mutual connection when it ends (99.99 DO!), everything goes to crap. So what do you think is best for YOU?

    Its okay to be confused about what you want to do about this situation, just be cool until you do figure it out. Mighty hard to get over someone you see everyday though, even harder if they have no clue about how you feel about them.

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