My fiancé of 5 years work with a female co worker who has been inapprioate flirting with him and he feels I am jealous and insecure because of my past relationship. First time was when she was in the back ground while he was on his phone talking to another co-worker on his blue tooth and I was in the car with him and heard her said calling him by his last name come rub my feet. He said she was just playing, I didn't take to it at all. Second time, he ask me should he be in a GQ magazine, I said who told you that, it had to be a women, because a man would not tell you that. Of course he said it was the girl who is 27 years old and he is 53 years old. He had grown a grey bread shape up very nice. Third, he took me to his job BBQ cookout at a park, I met his co-workers. He's been there for one year and four months, I believe she been there for about 7 months. I saw how she looked at me when she arrived at the BBQ, we were there before her, I think he told her I didn't like what she had said about come rub my feet. Well, she was in his face through out the time we were there, and poking him in his side. He even call her name out when she walk away to go to the bush to use the bathroom, yes the bushes. And she even took a drink out his hand aggressively and pour it out on the ground. We were all talking and don't remember what the conversation was about, but she was bold enough to take a drink out his hand in front of me, and all he said was "I don't believe you did that. Now at this point I am pissed. When he had introduce me to her earlier before these incident at the park, I could tell she didn't want too. When he did bring her over, and I wonder why I could careless that he did. I did say to her Oh so you are the one who told my man to rub your feet, of course she say Oh I didn't know I say that. I don't remember. I say yeah any way. Well he got so angry with me when I approach him and say lets take a walk. I told him how I felt and he of course said I was being jealous and I say we need to leave. We left and argue going to the car, I ended up taking the bus home, and when he got there it got really out of control. He really act like he has not done anything wrong, since I feel like for her to feel that comfortable around me to do what she had done, he had to be flirting with her before that or something happen between them. And said he has never cheated on me, I want to believe it. When we got home from the BBQ and we were arguing He had grab me up and literally push me out my own apartment , took my keys and cellular phone. I ended up going to my grandson mother's place, because I didn't want to get my 31 years old son involve, since they already had and issue since last year. There was some words said by my grandson mother and her cousin, they had came back with me over to my place, which I told him to leave and he went to his father place to stay for about a week. We are back together, he said he has never cheated on me that I should trust him, but why would he let this girl act like she can do whatever she wanted to do and he not correct it, and disrespect me. What do you think I should do. Am I taking this too far. I just want respect and for him to correct this situation. He should have put her in her place and there should not have any playing going at work, or being too friendly. Work is work and there no problem having general conversation, but that's it.

You are much too old to be acting so young.

Ahhhh middle school memories...

How is he your fiancé when you have no trust in him and he has no boundaries?

Good grief... after reading that... find someone else... who needs that much drama in their lives... (both of you).

Yeah in my opinion he's a bit too touchy feely with his coworker, but you on the other hand also ARE insecure, and jealous...something you need to work to improve yourself as those aren't desirable or endearing traits to most people, and usually a source of drama and conflict in your own life.

1. My fiancé of 5 yrs.
2. 5 years?
   
   1. I just want respect
   
   What are you waiting for? Who's afraid of marriage? You are commenting like he is married to you. He's 57 and you are?

One story after another.... this is how teenagers describe their lives. I read half. We want to know what the heart of the problem is, not a diary of events.
Try to summarize him. Don't even bother summarizing her - she's not important.
Sure, he may enjoy watching you fight HER over HIM, but that's also childish.
Your questions to work out with HIM are about YOU and HIM. Does he love you? Is he trying to dump you? Is he trying to make you jealous to bring some excitement back into your life with him? Do you love him, or are you just hanging on because you feel that you are at an age where you have to have a man?
(I'm 70 - went through a lot of that....)

To talaniman:I don't feel like I was acting young in any way. I was simply confronting him with the inapprioate behavior she was doing to him in front of me, which is disrespectful. At any time if I was not acting my age which is 55 years old she would have been approach my me and it could have gotten out of hand, but what I did was confront him to correct the situation. What would you have done if it was you?

Yes it was drama and I didn't bring that to the relationship. If you see your mate is doing something or someone doing something inapprioate to your relationship, wouldn't you address also. I can be jealous, but I don't feel this was jealousy or insecure. Me simply addressing something I didn't like and felt it was disrespectful.
I address it to him, and he got bent out off shape, Why? If your partner tells you something is upsetting them about someone disrespecting them how would you handle it.
I simply told the story to just get an opinion on how I should have handle it. Things happen in life at all ages of peoples life. So I should have just suck it up, and move on.

Well, he want's to get married, it's me. I guess I am the one that feels he needs to correct something first. He had some other issues, and I didn't just want to jump into marriage. I am 55 years old and I don't like drama. I simply wanted an opinion
Of how others would have handle this.

I was not trying to give you a story, just simply telling you what happen and getting your opinion of how you would have handle that situation, this has not ever happen before in our relationship. It was never about her, but as a women you want your man to not allow another women to think that she can just do and say anything to him in front of you. Which I felt he should have correct her and it didn't have to be in a mean way. Because again if I was immature I could have approach the situation negatively. I didn't. I pulled him to the side and said this was upsetting me. What would you have done as a women? Yes it is about myself and him, that's why I address it to him. I do believe he loves me, but I have told him in the past that sometimes he doesn't know his do and don't in a relationship at times. I can be alone, and have been alone in the past before him. I am very secure with myself. I will not allow my mate or anyone else to think that it's ok to allow certain thing to take place and disrespect me, without me speaking up. the outcome wasn't nice, but I did get my point across to him. know your boundaries in your relationship with your co-workers plain and simple.

You simply just should have been cool, and ignored the young beetch instead of CONFRONTING your boyfriend, I mean fiancé of 5 years. Just the fact that all this drama over BS from the outside by someone from the outside is a BIG RED FLAG that after 5 years you both still cross lines of good behavior and it brings the worse out and involves every freaking body else that should NOT be involved.

After 5 years you confront instead of express? After 5 years you live with a guy who doesn't know what you seem to DEMAND, and obviously don't ACCEPT his ways? Let me ask you this. After 5 years do you think he will change his ways? Or you change yours?

You have had 5 years to see what this relationship experiment is about and how it's going to be, and I can only suggest a less emotional, and less confrontational approach to resolving your issues. From what you have written though, and I thank you for your response, you have not reached that point yet where you can get past the drama and high emotions when issues crop up, and maybe that's the nature of this relationship, and if so your fiancé of 5 years may well be your fiancé of 10 years.

You have no commitment to each other, just a run of the mill living together experiment full of drama, conflict, and chaos. Is this your first break up to make up event? How was your first marriage? Not being nosey just some context for THIS ONE(?) event you outline. I suspect a long pattern of such behavior between you. Am I correct in that or NOT?

I don't know, maybe you both need the high emotion and drama for whatever reason, and maybe that's how you work through it and stay together, and that's okay as long as you can put it behind you and move beyond it. But fair warning, if you still have that nasty taste in your mouth, and are STILL angry, then I don't see much of a point of making this a 6 year engagement, or a lifetime of conflict drama and chaos.

Could you be taking this way to seriously or personal? I say yes since you admit to being jealous and insecure. That was my point about you being old enough to control your own impulses because fact is you cannot control his. If you got back together without resolving any issues, then expect them to reappear, AGAIN! Did you both promise to change for each other? Did one cave to the other?

Please tell us HOW you got back together.

"I don't like drama."

Drama is what you have. You both are seasoned veterans in life and should appreciate life without all the drama. I am married and I can tell you there's not one piece of drama in our lives. That's because we both put each other first. From the moment we started dating, we agreed that drama had no place in our lives. It takes too much energy and at the end of the day it's not fun.

At his age are people generally willing to invest the time to change their behaviors? I mean you have spent five years with him. Is he worth another five years waiting for things to improve?

To Oliver 2011: Yes you are right about the drama, which I can honestly say I haven't brought drama to the relationship. I have been trying to work it out with him. I don't know if he can change to improve himself for the better, he's trying at this point. I will give it at least 3 months to see if any improvement will be positive. After that I will be giving up the relationship and moving on. We are too old for this and I will have to make some changes for myself. Its not easy but I know you can't change a person unless they want to. So I will see. In the meantime thank you for your opinion.