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-   -   Sounding board- friends ? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=833463)

  • Jul 18, 2017, 10:13 PM
    marisol1997
    Sounding board- friends ?
    Are friends naturally sounding boards for one another ? Or can you be a sounding bord without being a friend? I have a friend who called me recently and I am starting to feel like that is all that I am for her. She talks about herself constantly, rarely ( if ever ) listens or gives advice on things that I ask her and I'm really starting to get sick of it. She will call to update on her life be it good or bad and I'm always there for kind word but She rarely returns the gesture. Thanks for the opinions in advance.
  • Jul 19, 2017, 02:35 AM
    joypulv
    She doesn't fit the definition of friend! Of course real friends are sounding boards for each other.
    If you say you have to go often enough, after listening for 2 minutes to make sure there's no serious emergency or tragedy, then she will stop.
    If you start right at the beginning with 'I only have a minute to listen today' it will help get off the phone for real after 2 minutes.
    If it gets desperate, say you have guests. Lies like that are forgivable.
  • Jul 19, 2017, 03:58 AM
    talaniman
    Are friends naturally sounding boards for one another ?

    Yes they are, but its an equal relationship that benefits you both.

    Or can you be a sounding board without being a friend?

    We call those counselors , or shrinks don't we and they get paid for listening and "counseling". Yes another mutually beneficial relationship.

    I have a friend who called me recently and I am starting to feel like that is all that I am for her. She talks about herself constantly, rarely ( if ever ) listens or gives advice on things that I ask her and I'm really starting to get sick of it. She will call to update on her life be it good or bad and I'm always there for kind word but She rarely returns the gesture.

    For your own good limit your availability to this emotional vampire, and be careful thinking they are your friend. Doesn't sound like a mutually beneficial relationship, or a willing one on your part.
  • Jul 19, 2017, 04:29 AM
    Oliver2011
    "I have a friend who called me recently"

    There's no communication between her and you if you don't answer the phone. If you are getting nothing out of the interaction, don't slide the bar to answer.
  • Jul 19, 2017, 04:45 AM
    smoothy
    This is an "Acquaintance" not a friend. There is a difference. As you get older you will learn not everyone you know or are friendly with are actual friends. Some yes, but not all.

    When this happens, you can cut the conversation short by saying you was just on your way out the door, or you have (pick something) to be at shortly. This way you can extract yourself from the situation without making an enemy. Best to not burn bridges because you never know, down the road this person just might be the ONE person who is there when you need them and your "friends" find excuses to be somewhere else. I think most of us have been there at least once.
  • Jul 19, 2017, 06:12 AM
    marisol1997
    Thank you all for the helpful answers, They have honestly helped me :).

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