Ok I have been Dating this guy now for 7 years, we are madly in love and in fact we are getting married in September, But, I have a Secret I would like to tell him before we get married, I can't live with this quilt anymore. It was about 3 years ago, we got into an argument and we kind of went our own ways, ( not split up though) , Well I was so mad at him that I ended up Having sex with one of my really good friends ( guy).
And all I told him was that we kissed. And I have not a clue how to tell him what happened ,I am so scared that he will Leave me for good. What do I do?:(

That's a tough call... if you tell him, you will be guilt free, but you will have some consequences. Either he will leave, or it is something you will have to work through... and it may not be easy. But in the long run, if you work on it productively, maybe even though some pre-marital counseling, it might make your relationship stronger. If he leaves, then that is his choice, and you are giving him that choice and not taking that choice away from him.

If you don't tell him, you will have some guilt, but less consequences. Will the guilt be too much? Do you think it will come out eventually? Will you have other consequences? Will it effect your relationship subconsciously?

Ask yourself which is more important to you?

I would tell him you need to if you are going to be married you guys need to be honest with each other although be careful he might not be able to forgive you but honesty is the best policy you never know this might come back to haunt you later if you don't tell him.

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Originally Posted by YeloDasy

THats a tough call... if you tell him, you will be guilt free, but you will have some consequences. Either he will leave, or it is something you will have to work through.... and it may not be easy. But in the long run, if you work on it productively, maybe even though some pre-marital counseling, it might make your relationship stronger. If he leaves, then that is his choice, and you are giving him that choice and not taking that choice away from him.

If you dont tell him, you will have some guilt, but less consequences. Will the guilt be too much? Do you think it will come out eventually? Will you have other consequences? will it effect your relationship subconsciously?

Ask yourself which is more important to you?

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Thanks for the Support, I know what to do now

Tell him!

Imagine he finds out once you tie the knot from someone else, wouldn't that put a big strain on your marriage and could end up in divorce!

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Originally Posted by Krs

Tell him!

Imagine he finds out once you tie the knot from someone else, wouldnt that put a big strain on your marriage and could end up in divorce!

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He wouldn't fine out Because he didn't know the guy, and he no longer lives here anymore, he moved to Florida. And he has never been introduced to that crowd that I hung out with then. And no one else knows about it ,but the guy and I.

If the situation was vice-versa, would u like to know?

Can I ask what you decided to do?

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Originally Posted by Krs

if the situation was vice-versa, would u like to know?

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Maybe it is best left alone, what you don't know, can't hurt you.
But I do understand where you are coming from. I really don't want him to leave me. We already have 2500.00 wraped up in this wedding,I know that I should have said something before ,but I really love him, and do not want to hurt him.

What changed your mind? And what you don't know can hurt you! You are just making a choice for him... it is really his decision how he feels and what he wants to do... and you wanted to tell him... what changed?

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Originally Posted by advicecritic

Ok i have been Dating this guy now for 7 years, we are madly in love and in fact we are getting married in September, But, I have a Secret I would like to tell him before we go ahead and get married, I can't live with this quilt anymore. It was about 3 years ago, we got into an arguement and we kinda went our own ways, ( not split up though) , Well i was so mad at him that I ended up Having sex with one of my really good friends ( guy).
And all I told him was that we kissed. And i have not a clue how to tell him what happened ,i am so scared that he will Leave me for good. what do I do?:(

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You already know the answer. You need to tell him. Tell him you want an open and honest marriage and didn't want to go into it with a that secret. If he loves you he will forgive you. Love and forgiveness go hand in hand. Unconditional love is what you want.

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Originally Posted by YeloDasy

what changed your mind? and what you dont know can hurt you! You are just making a choice for him.... it is really his decision how he feels and what he wants to do.... and you wanted to tell him... what changed?

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I still do want to tell him, and I am going to , But I am trying to find the right words.I just feel so bad, because he has been nothing but faithful. And I know that this is going to hurt him so bad. Just really needed some advice on how to tell him, Not advice on whether to tell him.:(

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Originally Posted by advicecritic

Ok i have been Dating this guy now for 7 years, we are madly in love and in fact we are getting married in September, But, I have a Secret I would like to tell him before we go ahead and get married, I can't live with this quilt anymore. It was about 3 years ago, we got into an arguement and we kinda went our own ways, ( not split up though) , Well i was so mad at him that I ended up Having sex with one of my really good friends ( guy).
And all I told him was that we kissed. And i have not a clue how to tell him what happened ,i am so scared that he will Leave me for good. what do I do?:(

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You should tell him after u guys get married. Tell him your trying to be honest. Hunney. He might have done it too. You never know!

Good luck!
playbunii420

Put yourself in his position and think 'what if the guy you slept with comes back?', wouldn't you husband to be rather be told about the fact that you cheated on him before you get married? because at some point something like this would come out surely, the honest desent thing to do is tell him about what happened but also that it meant nothing, yes its going to hurt him and yes he's going to be angry at you for a while but if he loves you then he's not going to leave you, but also remember that for the rest of the time that you are together that he will always have the moral high-ground, and that when it comes down to it you will always feel some shame about your actions regardless of what your choice is

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Originally Posted by advicecritic

Maybe it is best left alone, what you don't know, can't hurt you.
But I do understand where you are coming from. I really don't want him to leave me. We already have 2500.00 wraped up in this wedding,I know that I should of said something before ,but I really love him, and do not want to hurt him.

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I think it's a little too late to worry about hurting him. I am a guy and I am telling you ,you can't let him marry you and then have him find out later. That is just plain wrong and morally bankrupt. :mad:

Do you think if you tell him after your married that there's a better chance of working through it? :confused:
Because marriage isn't easily undone in mind, heart or law. There should be only one reason sticking out right in front of your face, telling him is just the right thing to do hands down!!! Think about him too, Don't be so selfish...

She has said that she wants to tell him. She is asking HOW!!

You sit him down and tell him the same way you told us. I cheated when we had a big argument, because you made me mad and I wanted to get even.

The best thing you can do with this is to tell the truth, let everything be known NOW before you get married. Yes you say you already have 2500 in the wedding and that's a lot of money to lose, but even if you say he'd never find out, you need to tell him now before anything goes any further. It's going to eat away at you until you tell him, and you know what? If he really loves you enough and loves you like a man should love a woman, he's going to forgive you and stay with you. If he doesnt love you that much, then you may save a lot of heartache that may happen later in life. If you want him to be completely honest with him, you're going to have to do the right thing and tell him the truth. He may be mad at first, but honestly, if he knows you're the right person for him and wants to be with you forever, he's not going to stay mad long.

LISTEN TO THIS! Don't tell him honestly. It will ruin everything. I had a boyfriend for 2 years and I cheated on him and I didn't think he would leave me because he treated me like a princess so I told him and he left me. I was heart broken I ended up in hostpital because I tried to kill myself. I know you will have to live with the guilt but what's worce? Living with the guilt but him and you being happy together OR you having a life without him. And you and him being unhappy and all he will think about is you and that man and that will hurt him so much. Just don't tell him really. It ruins everything. Xxx

She has already decided to tell him and that is the right Thing to do. You owe it to him to tell him the truth and if he leaves you that is his choice.

It's not going to get any easier to tell him no matter how much you think on it. Once you get in front of him about this your not going to have the words any ways so all that there is to it is to get it over with.