I need advice from an outside source other than bias friends, there is this girl who is my friend she is going out with an ex mate she supposedly has mutual feelings for me she has expressed a certain dislike for some qualities in her boyfriend and has expressed that if circumstances were different she would be with me, every time I get close to getting her to dump her boyfriend she pulls away this goes back even before he was going out with her I would get to a certain point with her it was like she was afraid of something she dropped contact with me then the next time I saw her it was like nothing had happened, normally with all the other girls I have been this would never affect me, before I would have given up but for some reason I can not let go and she is not helping by expressing feelings for me back, I need help what should I do?

Well you obviously have strong feelings for her have you told her how much you like her or why she keeps pulling away when you get to ( a certain point ) ?

She is getting you prepared in case she gets tired of her current b/f. Its like training a puppy to come when called. Same technique. Hope your house broken.

Thanks for the abruptness, I probably needed it but.

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Originally Posted by figuccio

Thanks for the abruptness, i probably needed it but.

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But what?? You asked and that's what I see. What do you expect from a female with a boyfriend, that she complains to you about, and leads you on and is still with him?? Did I miss something?? I wasn't being abrupt, just honest.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

But what??? You asked and thats what I see. What do you expect from a female with a boyfriend, that she complains to you about, and leads you on and is still with him???? Did I miss something???? I wasn't being abrupt, just honest.

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Whether it was abrupt or honest I needed it. Thank you.

Are you sure she has feelings for you? Are you sure your not just a really close friend? Sounds more like she is just complaining about her boyfriend to you cause you're a good friend

I'm afraid you do seem to be her back up plan. If she really wanted to be with you she would honey. All I can suggest is that you try to move on. At worst you will get over this girl, but also she may realise you are not going to sit around and wait for her!

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Originally Posted by Lowtax4eva

Are you sure she has feelings for you? Are you sure your not just a really close friend? Sounds more like she is just complaining about her bf to you cause your a good friend

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I failed to mention that I have hooked up with her while she is going out with him.

Honey, that still doesn't meant that she has real feelings for you though. She may be confused... I would still back away and give her time and space. While she has a boyfriend and you to be there when he is not, she is never going to let that go. Also if she did leave him and get with you could you trust her not to cheat on you with him, or anyone else for that matter?

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Originally Posted by EnglishRose

Also if she did leave him and get with you could you trust her not to cheat on you with him, or anyone else for that matter?

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To me that wouldn't matter I wold cross that when it comes to it, she has some problems with her past that I know of that leads me to believe why she does that.

You can look at this any way you want to, and justify her behavior, but she has shown she is a liar and a cheater. So where does that leave you in this mix, since you have done the same thing she has. This isn't a healthy relationship at all, and she is unhealthy. Its been my experience that misery and pain follow those that engage in this sort of behavior, and they get stuck in a vicious circle of lying and deceit. You need to get away from this or suffer the consequences of your actions.

So are you telling me that you know she may cheat on you but it is OK because you know why she does it? That sounds like madness to me. No matter how hard someone has had it, there is no excuse to be unfaithful honey. You deserve better than this and I really think you need to move on and find a relationship that is easier and less painful. Relationships can be hard, I admit, but at the beginning and whan you are young they shouldn't be like this.

You know why she cheats, you dontknow that, she cheats cause she is insecure and the reason she ahas you there is in case it doesntwork with him she has you on the side.

Yes she has problems with him do you know whayt these propblems are I DO AND IM MILES AWAY AND Don't EVEN NO HER. Ill take a quick stab at it she is worried because he is always out and treats her crap and she is scared of him dumoping her and that's wy she talks to you about all these issues.

This girl obviously wants a guy who trest her bad and mate that's not you she might like you on occasions but you just don't fulfill her I the way she needs to ve felt.

Ifyou want to have a crack at her become a bit more distant become a bit more like you dontcare. Do not listen to her sob stories aymore takeastad and tell her you like her but arnt interested in her issues tell her if she happty with him stay there if not keave. STOP listeningto all her issues you think by doingthis you may be getting her your not you are just getting her when she is feeling down andthen she goes back to him. Get some balls and tell her how it is she is obviously into the Ars***les... Become a bit ofa player anddont talk to her for abit she might start tolike youmore than a friend... and by the way if you aresleeping withher give her a bit of rough treatment next time show her you're a bit rough

OK look, coming from a girl's point of view, she like's the attention you give her when you're flirting, making moves and showing interest. These three things are things that girls feel they need and they might think that they have falling in love but unfortionatly if she pulls away every time you try to get closer it means she isn't interested in that way and she is afraid of committing to you. You show a girl you are emotionally intact and you will be her best friend but in my opinion if you make a move and she's not into it she never will be.

I am in the same position. I'm not close friends with her and she gets really shy round me sometimes. She even told me before that she liked me. But... same as you she has a boyfriend who she loves. I'm confused as well how she says she likes me but has a boyfriend? Well after reading things on the web and talking to people, I have realised that the best thing to do is to try and get over her. Stop contact with her as much as possible (even try not to look at her if she's by you). This may help you get over her but also, if she does like you then you will find that she might try that extra harder to talk to you or she might realise what your doing and she will do the right thing... hope everything turns out for the best mate :)