I'm a junior and my boyfriend is a senior in high school. We both currently live in Missouri, and he has been accepted into Boston University with a lot of financial help. So there's no way that he won't end up moving to Boston. Although I'm happy that he has accomplished his dreams, I'm very upset that he's going to move that far away. I'm not smart or rich enough to go to Boston next year, so it'll be a while before we can live closer again.

Now I know that this is a high school relationship and a lot of people doubt it. But we've taken it very seriously and we both love each other very much. He refuses to break up with me over something "as silly as distance". I don't want to end it, but 'm so afraid of what's to come next fall. I don't want to spend my senior year in pain.

Any advice is accepted, whether it's tips for long distance or your opinion on what you would do in the situation

He's going to have a girlfriend up there within 2 months... move on.. Thats life.. he will NOT be the same person he is by the time he graduates, and neither will you.

I totally agree. Plus, even though this is not something you want to hear, you two are too young to have to deal with this. His college time and your senior year should be fun and dealing with the pitfalls of a long distance relationship will not make it fun.

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Originally Posted by pom14

I'm a junior and my boyfriend is a senior in high school. We both currently live in Missouri, and he has been accepted into Boston University with a lot of financial help. So there's no way that he won't end up moving to Boston. Although I'm happy that he has accomplished his dreams, I'm very upset that he's going to move that far away. I'm not smart or rich enough to go to Boston next year, so it'll be a while before we can live closer again.

Now I know that this is a high school relationship and a lot of people doubt it. But we've taken it very seriously and we both love each other very much. He refuses to break up with me over something "as silly as distance". I don't want to end it, but 'm so afraid of what's to come next fall. I don't want to spend my senior year in pain.

Any advice is accepted, whether it's tips for long distance or your opinion on what you would do in the situation

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A person matures and changes a lot between the ages of about 18-25 ish. The school system forces a lot of relationships that are based on proximity and not on compatibility. There are precious few friendships that I have seen that have survived the transition out of school and into adulthood. Some of the maturity that comes shows how much you've settled and how much in friendships you've overlooked so you would have a friend.

What your boyfriend is going to realize is that there are a bunch of people that will be better and longer term friends who share more common interests then he ever had in high-school. You'll realize that too once you've graduated. Does this mean that your relationship with your boyfriend will change? Probably. Will it end? Maybe.

What may end this relationship could be domestic issues when you finally move together.

I think that you and your boyfriend need to have some long term planning and long term discussions. Any relationship should have these questions at the VERY least:
1). Marriage/civil union/co-habitation. What is the plan for living together? Once He's out of post-secondary, what then? Move back to Missouri? You move to Boston? When are you going to marry?
2). Sex/pregnancy/children? Protection? Family Planning? When/where does children fit into the picture,if at all?
3). Support and money?
4). Visitation. When he's home for the holidays what happens?
5). Communication? Skype? Facetime? E-mail? Phone? Letters? Carrier Pigeons?

If you want to make this work, it is going to take effort and commitment on your part.

I have been in one long distance relationship. She was in university 300km away while I was in university in my home town. IT worked for about two months. Then we drifted apart. Not having the primal/instinctual connection that comes via proximity makes it REALLY hard to sustain the relationship. We're friends and we couldn't been partners I think if we'd been local.

Give it a try and expect it to succeed. Plan things out with your boyfriend. Also realize that the odds are stacked against you.

Good luck.

It has been my experience that relationship challenges either bring you closer, or break you apart. Distance is a HUGE challenge, but the pain you speak of is entirely YOUR CHOICE. Why do you choose to be in PAIN?

Seems to me that you are not accepting this life changing event that separates you, or worse, you are afraid or unable to maturely deal with your own feelings. No big deal with not being mature at this point,as this is probably your first experience with dealing with such a huge challenge to your heart. The fear of breaking up before you are ready is so typical of very young love so its natural that your fear is painful (Commonly called growing pains, and everybody gets them).

My best suggestion is make a plan to enjoy your senior year without your boyfriend being there, with friends, family, and fun activities that keep you happy and positive. The worst thing you can do is cry, nag, whine and make yourself miserable and a pest to those around you, and especially the guy you love, who are all going through the same growing pains you are, and dealing with their own life issues.

It's real simple don't make being in love the whole focus of your happiness, and miss the other opportunities you have to be HAPPY. So it's your choice to be in pain over this, so what will you choose to do?