Hello everyone,

I have been dating this woman for over 2 months now. I am 32 and she is 30. We have a lot of fun together, a lot in common, great sex etc, etc... The problem is, she can't go one week without arguing or making absurd statements that are crazy.

One week we went shopping at a flea market for fresh fruits and veggies. We bought a lot of stuff and I literally had 3 bags in each hand. We went home, unpacked everything, and I started cooking for us. About 30 minutes. Later as she watches me cook she says "You better give me a good foot massage later for cutting me off". I said "Huh". She said "Well you cut me off coming into the house and you forgot to open the car door for me today. I thought you were a sweet guy and a gentleman, now I don't really know who you are. I'm just gonna leave". I usually open all doors for her, but I guess I just forgot because my hands were full. I had to drop three bags to open the door myself.

She wanted to leave over that. She was packing her things and I was trying to talk to her. I find out, she wants to leave ALL the time over little things and she says when she leaves I have to "Chase Her" and that she wants to be chased. I find this very odd. So almost every week something like this happens. I won't do anything wrong, but she'll find some way to make something out of nothing. The, she'll try to leave and she throws a fit if I don't chase her.

So, last week really threw up red flags for me. I bought my house 3 years ago. I had it built and I am the first person to live in it. I keep it clean, neat, and lots of plants and family pictures around my house. She told me she was going to a Reiki healer one night.
After she did she called me and she told me everything that they talked about.

She told me that she told this lady VERY personal things about my family. Then, she told me that they both decided that she shouldn't sleep over my house anymore because there is negative energy and dark spirits around.

She said that she wasn't going to sleep over here unless I "Cleansed" and saged my whole house. She also said that one night when she was leaving and heading to her car, she saw a dark entity pass her by in my driveway that was very cold. I thought this was ridiculous.

I said fine, I'll sage my place. Then she said "Well you can't do it. Only people with a special gift can do it and I have that gift". This is all just a little too much for me. And I have NEVER experienced ANYTHING like this in my 32 years of dating. I just want everyone's advice.

Thanks in advance everyone.

Sorry but no one here can actually say she is certifiable; which means, committed to a home for the insane. From what you describe, she is just a very unusual personality, but I don't think she is insane. Only a panel of professional healthcare workers would be able to determine what she is.

If you don't like this, don't like the way she talks, then end the relationship and move on if it disturbs you.

It's only been 2 months. Cut your losses, she is a princess and a drama queen.

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Originally Posted by hometownguy21

Hello everyone,

I have been dating this woman for over 2 months now. I am 32 and she is 30. We have a lot of fun together, a lot in common, great sex etc, etc... The problem is, she can't go one week without arguing or making absurd statements that are crazy.

One week we went shopping at a flea market for fresh fruits and veggies. We bought a lot of stuff and I literally had 3 bags in each hand. We went home, unpacked everything, and I started cooking for us. About 30 minutes. Later as she watches me cook she says "You better give me a good foot massage later for cutting me off". I said "Huh". She said "Well you cut me off coming into the house and you forgot to open the car door for me today. I thought you were a sweet guy and a gentleman, now I don't really know who you are. I'm just gonna leave". I usually open all doors for her, but I guess I just forgot because my hands were full. I had to drop three bags to open the door myself.

She wanted to leave over that. She was packing her things and I was trying to talk to her. I find out, she wants to leave ALL the time over little things and she says when she leaves I have to "Chase Her" and that she wants to be chased. I find this very odd. So almost every week something like this happens. I won't do anything wrong, but she'll find some way to make something out of nothing. The, she'll try to leave and she throws a fit if I don't chase her.

So, last week really threw up red flags for me. I bought my house 3 years ago. I had it built and I am the first person to live in it. I keep it clean, neat, and lots of plants and family pictures around my house. She told me she was going to a Reiki healer one night.
After she did she called me and she told me everything that they talked about.

She told me that she told this lady VERY personal things about my family. Then, she told me that they both decided that she shouldn't sleep over my house anymore because there is negative energy and dark spirits around.

She said that she wasn't going to sleep over here unless I "Cleansed" and saged my whole house. She also said that one night when she was leaving and heading to her car, she saw a dark entity pass her by in my driveway that was very cold. I thought this was ridiculous.

I said fine, I'll sage my place. Then she said "Well you can't do it. Only people with a special gift can do it and I have that gift". This is all just a little too much for me. And I have NEVER experienced ANYTHING like this in my 32 years of dating. I just want everyone's advice.

Thanks in advance everyone.

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I say, let her go.

Your questions and examples aside, there is the fact that you're asking the questions. This suggests that you've already decided to leave the relationship and are looking for validation for your decision. You don't need that validation, you've made the choice be happy with it.

That aside some things I noticed and wanted to comment on:
1). It has only been 2 months. You're still in the phase of figuring out if your compatible. You've not really invested a lot of energy into this relationship in the grand scheme of things.
2). She is high maintenance. That isn't a good or bad thing, but consider the flea market example. Are you willing to deal with this for the next 30+ years? If you forget to open a door being threatened with a divorce? Beside the tongue in cheek comments of being 'wipped' there is the real comment of being manipulated. This is a HUGE red flag.
3). She's not willing to compromise. It is literally her way or OVER.
4). There is probably a lot of good and happy in her, but will that out weigh everything else?

You need to think long and hard over whether you think this relationship is sustainable and if it will grow and prosper. You need to use your head AND your heart.

In my opinion I would advise you to leave this woman. Now. I don't think you're compatible. I don't think you need to spend any more time trying to figure this out. She won't change, and you shouldn't have to.

At least your story was mildly amusing.
It doesn't sound like you came here to ask for our opinion though. You know very well that she isn't certifiably crazy.
Lots of people of both sexes can't feel loved unless someone is either begging them to come back, or is willing to have a knock down drag out fight.

I grow my own sage. I wouldn't let anyone burn it. Geez, it tastes too good in cooking. What a waste. I'm certifiably frugal.

Sage burning is a healing process in the native american culture. There is a lot of good to say about native american practices.

I agree with what has been said, so far.

It doesn't matter if she is "certifiable" or not.

What does matter is that she is manipulative and controlling. From what you have said, she doesn't sit down and discuss the relationship with the expectation of finding compromises. Instead, she tells you what she wants and that is it. Not healthy in any relationship.

You know what she wants. What do you want? At this point, are you getting anything out of it besides good sex? Does she really have things in common with you or has she been playing a manipulation game to pull you into what she wants? Are the times together really good if you find out later that she is looking for ways to leave and to her a good time is having you chasing after her?

Only you know how good or bad the relationship really is. IF you think the relationship is better than what you have related in your question, then ask her to sit down and talk with you. Listen to her needs and wants just like you want her to listen to yours. Be honest about your own needs and what needs she has expressed that you know you cannot/will not be able to fill. Discuss ways to compromise. There should be some give and take from both of you. If you cannot find an overall balance or she flatly refuses to discuss the relationship and/or compromises, then letting her leave and closing the door after her will probably be your best option. There could be a chance that what she really wants is someone to act like her equal and not put her up on a pedestal. Then again, she may expect you build the pedestal as well as a throne for her to sit on while she rules her kingdom- you.

This is from the perspective of sitting on a fence and trying to stay balanced: On the subject of negative energies, they do not have to be from the house or its furnishings. They can be from the land. However, if you have not had any negative feelings or experiences associated with your home, then I would surmise that she brings her own negativity with her. I don't think I would allow her to perform any type of spiritually-based rite (even a cleansing). Her own energy does not sound positive or balanced.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

I agree with what has been said, so far.

It doesn't matter if she is "certifiable" or not.

What does matter is that she is manipulative and controlling. From what you have said, she doesn't sit down and discuss the relationship with the expectation of finding compromises. Instead, she tells you what she wants and that is it. Not healthy in any relationship.

You know what she wants. What do you want? At this point, are you getting anything out of it besides good sex? Does she really have things in common with you or has she been playing a manipulation game to pull you into what she wants? Are the times together really good if you find out later that she is looking for ways to leave and to her a good time is having you chasing after her?

Only you know how good or bad the relationship really is. IF you think the relationship is better than what you have related in your question, then ask her to sit down and talk with you. Listen to her needs and wants just like you want her to listen to yours. Be honest about your own needs and what needs she has expressed that you know you cannot/will not be able to fill. Discuss ways to compromise. There should be some give and take from both of you. If you cannot find an overall balance or she flatly refuses to discuss the relationship and/or compromises, then letting her leave and closing the door after her will probably be your best option. There could be a chance that what she really wants is someone to act like her equal and not put her up on a pedestal. Then again, she may expect you build the pedestal as well as a throne for her to sit on while she rules her kingdom- you.

This is from the perspective of sitting on a fence and trying to stay balanced: On the subject of negative energies, they do not have to be from the house or its furnishings. They can be from the land. However, if you have not had any negative feelings or experiences associated with your home, then I would surmise that she brings her own negativity with her. I don't think I would allow her to perform any type of spiritually-based rite (even a cleansing). Her own energy does not sound positive or balanced.

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What Cat1864 Said. (Was trying to give a greenie so hard, but I had to spread the rep)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hometownguy21

Hello everyone,

I have been dating this woman for over 2 months now. I am 32 and she is 30. We have a lot of fun together, a lot in common, great sex etc, etc... The problem is, she can't go one week without arguing or making absurd statements that are crazy.

One week we went shopping at a flea market for fresh fruits and veggies. We bought a lot of stuff and I literally had 3 bags in each hand. We went home, unpacked everything, and I started cooking for us. About 30 minutes. Later as she watches me cook she says "You better give me a good foot massage later for cutting me off". I said "Huh". She said "Well you cut me off coming into the house and you forgot to open the car door for me today. I thought you were a sweet guy and a gentleman, now I don't really know who you are. I'm just gonna leave". I usually open all doors for her, but I guess I just forgot because my hands were full. I had to drop three bags to open the door myself.

She wanted to leave over that. She was packing her things and I was trying to talk to her. I find out, she wants to leave ALL the time over little things and she says when she leaves I have to "Chase Her" and that she wants to be chased. I find this very odd. So almost every week something like this happens. I won't do anything wrong, but she'll find some way to make something out of nothing. The, she'll try to leave and she throws a fit if I don't chase her.

So, last week really threw up red flags for me. I bought my house 3 years ago. I had it built and I am the first person to live in it. I keep it clean, neat, and lots of plants and family pictures around my house. She told me she was going to a Reiki healer one night.
After she did she called me and she told me everything that they talked about.

She told me that she told this lady VERY personal things about my family. Then, she told me that they both decided that she shouldn't sleep over my house anymore because there is negative energy and dark spirits around.

She said that she wasn't going to sleep over here unless I "Cleansed" and saged my whole house. She also said that one night when she was leaving and heading to her car, she saw a dark entity pass her by in my driveway that was very cold. I thought this was ridiculous.

I said fine, I'll sage my place. Then she said "Well you can't do it. Only people with a special gift can do it and I have that gift". This is all just a little too much for me. And I have NEVER experienced ANYTHING like this in my 32 years of dating. I just want everyone's advice.

Thanks in advance everyone.

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Let me tell you... just from the opening part highlighted... that's a deal-breaker for me... there isn't anyone that good in bed that you should have to deal with the rest of that... because THAT is going to become a bigger and bigger part of your life together as time goes on... and at some point you will get fed up with it... and probably be handing half your future paychecks over to her the rest of her natural life... because most other guys won't put up with it either so she won't remarry and end the alimony.

I've had friends who didn't listen to me when I told them run not to the alter but far far away....years later after the divorce and the alimony (some cases child support) they "got" what I told them.

That's just who she is....some people might find that endearing, others put off...I hate incessant drama, so I'm in the put off camp.

My wife is Chinese, I have incense burning at the door, We have to have some large object to deflect evil in front or right behind a door, a door can not lead directly into the house, but has to be an entry way or something outside. ( normal chinese for apartments, universities entrances.

If you were to get a cold, she would come with a wooden box to place on your body, because you have to get the evil out.

It is a belief, many people believe what she does. It appears you don't and are not willing to allow her, her beliefs

The point of dating is not to "make it work". The point is to discern whether the other person and you are compatible on a core level, and that you can be comfortable with each other if neither of you substantially change.

It worked. You found out she's bat-s*** crazy and that she gets on your nerves, disrespects your family and has wackadoodle values and ideas. You've also realized she is not seeking a partner - she wants to be elevated in the relationship with you taking care of her and her doing - uhm, I'm not sure. She might have carried half the bags - really. When I see a man in an airport loaded with bags like a pack mule and his wife or girlfriend walking beside him carrying only her designer bag, acting like an arrogant jerk, my first thought is "wow, that relationship is doomed - he's going to get sick to death of that b".

Dating worked - you figured out she's not for you. Move on.

A gentleman will open a door for a lady when it's not ridiculously awkward. Etiquette does not require you to open a door when you are loaded down. In that situation, the polite thing would have been for her to either taken some of the bags from you and/or run ahead to open the door and ease your burden. Etiquette is for showing courtesy to everyone, not just to women.

I think you know enough about this experiment to figure out if it's worth continuing or not. If you cannot make the adjustments to grow as a couple, then you will grow apart, but after just a few months, it's safe to say that you are both strangers in each others ways, and you already think she is a weird nut. That can't be good, even if you are still hooked on the good sex and times.

Two months is too little time to even consider any deep or long term commitments or plans, so enjoy it for what it is, until you no longer want to put up with her crap... or she gets tired of yours! That's usually how it works with most couples.

What do you think?

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

A gentleman will open a door for a lady when it's not ridiculously awkward. Etiquette does not require you to open a door when you are loaded down. In that situation, the polite thing would have been for her to either taken some of the bags from you and/or run ahead to open the door and ease your burden. Etiquette is for showing courtesy to everyone, not just to women.

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Ahmen to that. What a wonderful statement.

I know sage burning is a native custom. Doesn't mean I go for it, especially the size of the bundles I've seen!

Throwing fits for not opening a car door? Especially when you usually do that!
Nobody has ever opened the car door for me, it happens only when I am the one who is holding groceries bags. Lol! :p .
Jokes apart! As someone said above, Sounds like 'Princess' nothing wrong with that but too much of Fantasies of a 'man chasing for Princess' and getting thrilled of it, sounds more like immature expectations.
Not sure about those ''Dark spirit things''. Be careful though, when she says that ''She has the special gift to do that and she will do it by herself''. Make sure it doesn't come to asking you to give some kind of 'human sacrifice' for cleansing. Lol! I am sorry. :P
Again Jokes apart, Just be carful around her. ;)

I guess it takes a "special" kind of person to want to stay with a "special" kind of high maintenance person of either gender. I've dated around enough to know they are the minority... and none are "special" enough to put up with. Its annoying and really... I think most people want someone who has their feet on the ground, and their brain rooted in reality...not in the clouds and some fantasy alternative reality, or they will after they learn their lesson the hard way.