I would like to hear any stories from anyone who went nc and got the ex to come back. Ive just started nc with my ex after she wanted a break after 3 1/2 year relationship she said she just wants to be on he own for a while I bugged her for a month but then gave up and went nc. During the month I tried to discuss it and she slept with me once and was saying how much she wanted it that just confused me more. I have now began NC anyone had any success I really hope I get her back. I realise NC is not for that but I want her back...

Yes NC can be used as a tool to get your ex back. It really is the best tool to use after you have already explained to your ex how you feel about her. By leaving your ex alone for awhile you are giving her time to appreciate and reflect on the good qualities that you brought to the relationship.

This does not mean that you ignore her if she IMs you or calls you. You should answer her calls or return the calls within 2 days. Anytime the contact is incoming you should reciprocate just so she knows that the door is still open. NC really means no contact initiated from your side.

The last time my ex broke up with me I had no contact initiated from my side for 32 days. Then I asked to meet up with her. The meeting was light. I bought her flowers and a friendship card. Then after the meeting I went back to NC for 10 days. Then 4 days after that I met up with her a 2nd time. We went out for pool and ice cream. At the end of that she took me aside and told me she wanted to try again with me.

Of course we only lasted 14 months before our most recent breakup. I'm on day 14 of no contact initiated from my side. Yeah I'm still playing the waiting game hoping that my absence can rebound her interest level. The only time I talk to her now is when she initates contact. She's done it 4 times in the last 14 days. I don't sign online on fridays or saturdays. I think my showing up online less and less is raising her curiousity level. So I'm letting challenge do its magic.

You don't have to be strict with no contact in order to get your ex back. If she doesn't call you in 1 month then fire her off a call. Just be kind and upbeat. Don't talk about your feelings or the past. Then end the conversation after 6 minutes of conversation. Now if she has requested that you leave her alone then you need to be strict with no contact until she gets in touch with you.

No Contact used as a way of getting the ex back is very unhealthy and debilitates your own healing. Most of us are guilty of having used it for this purpose but I don't really believe that this by itself works. It depends on why the relationship ended and the circumstances surrounding the breakup.

Relationships end for reasons and if you don't take the time to reflect on why things ended then if you did get back together, how long before another breakup happened if there was no significant change?

I think it is all too easy to get caught up in the 'I must get her back' syndrome and ignore the negatives that were evidently there during your time with that person. After a breakup, the one left behind often thinks only of the good and forgets/ignores the bad times or aspects of the relationship.

I think that in a real solid, mature relationship, the two individuals should work through any problems and try to resolve them before making the harsh decision to end it. I tried this with my ex but she was not interested in this idea. That's what I mean, in a mature, solid relationship you would be willing to do that.

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This does not mean that you ignore her if she IMs you or calls you. You should answer her calls or return the calls within 2 days. Anytime the contact is incoming you should reciprocate just so she knows that the door is still open. NC really means no contact initiated from your side.

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No Contact means no contact from either side. It means not taking her calls and leave her alone. No contact is for you to get healthy and make good decisions, and and can see things clearly and logically. If you have been breaking up 3, 4, or 5 times you have not worked on what's wrong in your relationship, if that's what you want to call it. I call it going around in circles and getting nowhere. A relationship is when two people work together to solve their problems to the benefit of both, not breaking up whenever there is a problem. By leaving that door open, you do nothing but get fed false hope, and make no progress to working on yourself, and that is not healthy.

You cannot 'win' an ex back. NC is used for reflection and healing, to concentrate on yourself, your friends and family! After a certain amount of time in NC - maybe you might have had light contact (IM for instance) you should have had time to think.

Perhaps then you may become friends, lovers once more or the most healthy option - you would have moved on.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

You cannot 'win' an ex back. NC is used for reflection and healing, to concentrate on yourself, your friends and family! After a certain amount of time in NC - maybe you might have had light contact (IM for instance) you should have had time to think.

Perhaps then you may become friends, lovers once more or the most healthy option - you would have moved on.

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Thanks jiser I undrstand what you say no contact is for I jusy want her back that's all. She also dumped me 5 months ago and came back after two weks. I worked out whaywas wrong and what I could do to fix it but the problem was it was just that she wasn't emotionally in love so I turned that around by going to the gym and not giving her as much of my time and she became real keen and always wanted to see me when I was free but then the old me came back and gave her more time and once again she needs the break case the love may be fading. Its hard to keep them keen if you want to see them all the time cause I was going the gym 3 times a week so I had to cut that vback to see her more and I think that cost me her in the end.I do wish o just stayed going to gym and made her wait to see me then she may still be keen,, Going no contact started today hoping she changes her mind thanks...

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Originally Posted by talaniman

No Contact means no contact from either side. It means not taking her calls and leave her alone. No contact is for you to get healthy and make good decisions, and and can see things clearly and logically. If you have been breaking up 3, 4, or 5 times you have not worked on whats wrong in your relationship, if thats what you want to call it. I call it going around in circles and getting nowhere. A relationship is when two people work together to solve their problems to the benefit of both, not breaking up whenever there is a problem. By leaving that door open, you do nothing but get fed false hope, and make no progress to working on yourself, and that is not healthy.

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Yes your right she broke up 4 months ago cause the love was fading so I fixed that by not being available so often it worked so well she was so keen and then when I fell back into the trap of giving hr too much time she's gone again how stupid do you really have to kep them keen so often...

In all honesty you shouldn't have to keep anyone keen - if your in love. Bit of immaturity going on if like this.

To bad you can't see she keeps you as a friend so she can be free to date whomever she wants without guilt.

I really do believe that your ex wants out to explore, to date other people. She tells you what you want to hear, not what is really going on. She wants to ease her guilt as tal says..

She knows what she is doing, I guarantee it.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

No Contact used as a way of getting the ex back is very unhealthy and debilitates your own healing. Most of us are guilty of having used it for this purpose but I don't really believe that this by itself works. It depends on why the relationship ended and the circumstances surrounding the breakup.

Relationships end for reasons and if you don't take the time to reflect on why things ended then if you did get back together, how long before another breakup happened if there was no significant change?

I think it is all too easy to get caught up in the 'I must get her back' syndrome and ignore the negatives that were evidently there during the course of your time with that person. After a breakup, the one left behind often thinks only of the good and forgets/ignores the bad times or aspects of the relationship.

I think that in a real solid, mature relationship, the two individuals should work through any problems and try to resolve them before making the harsh decision to end it. I tried this with my ex but she was not interested in this idea. Thats what I mean, in a mature, solid relationship you would be willing to do that.

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I agree that NC only works if your ex still has feelings for you. The dumper still has to have feelings in order for any strategies from the dumpee to work. But once that interest level crosses below 50% it's over for the most part. It's not going back up.

I don't want to give you false hope, but I did no-contact/low-contact, and my ex did come back. The cirumstances might be different, but your only hope is, if she still has some sort of feelings for you.

Here's my "success" story: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ory-80955.html

Hope it helps.

My most recent thread is about my ex calling me. She didn't ask to get back together, but at least I know she was thinking about me. I really don't want her back in a relationship right now anyway. So no contact did work in a way for me.

I think that strict no contact is only necessary if you are trying to heal and get over the ex. But if you still have hope and desire for reconciliation then reduced contact is a better option. Reduced contact would mean calling no more than once a month if she doesn't call you. But you have to set a deadline for how long to wait for her to come around.

If her interest level was still above 50% when she dumped you then backing off will help turn her. She won't ask to come back until her interest level rebounds back up to 80%. Interest level from 51%-100% means she still has feelings for you.

Interest level from 0%-49% means no feelings at all. She either sees you as a friend or she's hanging around you to ease her guilt or feed her ego

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Originally Posted by VADawg

My most recent thread is about my ex calling me. She didn't ask to get back together, but at least I know she was thinking about me. I really don't want her back in a relationship right now anyways. So no contact did work in a way for me.

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Yeah if nothing else a period of no contact works to raise the dumper's curiousity especially if they are used to you calling everyday.

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I agree that NC only works if your ex still has feelings for you. The dumper still has to have feelings in order for any strategies from the dumpee to work. But once that interest level crosses below 50% it's over for the most part. It's not going back up.

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I disagree, and until someone can comeback and say that no contact got them back together for the long haul, and they have a better relationship I have to say that your putting the wrong emphasis on no contact. Now if your saying you used the break wisely to change yourself and made yourself better, I can dig that and only time will tell that. For wharever reason she came back, talk and listen as good relationships call for a lot of work from both partners.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

I really do believe that your ex wants out to explore, to date other people. She tells you what you want to hear, not what is really going on. She wants to ease her guilt as tal says..

She knows what she is doing, I guarantee it.

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I thimk your right I must be kidding myself, she said to me I don't want anyone else I just want to be on my own to know that I can be OK on my own and prove to myself that I don't need anyone she said I rely on you too much. She said I want to be on my own till I'm ready to let someone into my life...

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Originally Posted by mckenzie134

I thimk your right i must be kidding myself, she said to me i dont want anyone else i just want to be on my own to know that i can be ok on my own and prove to myself that i dont need anyone she said i rely on you to much. She said i want to be on my own till im ready to let someone into my life...

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See mate this is very similar to the crap my ex fed me when we broke up albeit in a different way. My ex said "I just think we should leave it for a while Geoff" and "I don't want to be with anyone else, I just want to be on my own". Well, as you know from my PM, I bumped into her brother 4 weeks later and he told me that a guy from her work asked her out for a drink a week before she broke up with me, so she was already clearing the path for someone, she pursued this and found out that he was a complete a**ho*e that had more than one woman he was playing.

This was typical, a jerk taking advantage of vulnerability. Sensing she was confused and muscling in so he could use a woman while playing others and she fell for it, although not sure how far it went before she realised. The funny thing is that she gave up a good, sincere and caring man for a line of Jerks.

Don't buy the bull**it mate, read between the lines. It may be different with your ex, it may not but protect yourself and pull away, to stop yourself from getting hurt anymore.

This is just a thought but listen to what your instinct tells you, whatever that is. I tried to believe otherwise against my instinct in my situation at the time but my instinct turned out to be right.