Help!
I've been married 4 years now, and I'm pregnant with our first child. The baby is due June 8th. I come home from work today, and I try to work through some issues with my hsuband and he says he's decided that he's done trying to go out of his way to make me happy any longer, because he hasn't gotten anything he wanted and he feels like he's being taken advantage of. I don't know what the hell he's talking about, and he's been angry at me ever since I told him I didn't think we needed to have more than one child. I have a lot of bladder problems that I had pre-pregnancy and now they're much, much worse. He says he will hate himself if we don't at least have one more child, but he really wants two more. I feel like he's being very selfish. He says he's wanted to be a father since he was a kid... etc. I don't think he has a clue what he's getting into. He seems to think that a baby is all fun and games and is shocked when he finds out what he's really going to have to do.
We also have 5 animals; 3 dogs; 2 cats. The cats are 12 years old and 2 years old. The dogs are 4 and 2 years old. One of the cats I've had forever. The other I almost ran over twice and brought home. The dogs were rescues. One of them I brought home with me when I was volunteering with an animal rescue. The other two he had to have,but when they weren't puppies anymore and started tearing up stuff, he wanted to give them away. So, we did - twice. Both times, they came back to us for different reasons. Not because they're bad dogs, but because the people we gave them to didn't listen. These two dogs are half Husky/ half German Shepherd and they weigh approx. 80 lbs each. They are beautiful dogs with great temperament, but because my husband used to hit them a lot when they were puppies, they're scared of a lot of things and they don't know how to play. I have tried to work with them, but it's useless.
When he was complaining about how terrible of a wife I am, he mentioned that he wanted to kill all of the animals while I was at work today,but didn't explain why he didn't. He also said that he would just open the front door and let them run out, but he knew I'd make him help me go look for them. He acts like he's making some huge sacrifice by allowing them to stay at our house while he's as mean to them as he can possibly be. Meanwhile, I'm as big as a house, and he will no longer help me feed them because he hates them.
I knew when we got married that we were total opposites,but I didn't realize just how much. I stupidly believed that we could grow and learn from each other, but all I've learned from him is how not to let people take advantage of me.
Also, I have no family here and his lives nearby and I am not close to any of them. Mostly because they smoke weed regularly and I don't. I'm a lawyer, but I wasn't getting paid enough practicing law, so I took a non-legal job that I hate that pays twice as much to help out with our bills. He claims that I didn't have to do that, but I didn't feel like I had a choice! I'm not really ready to have a baby right now, and I feel bad for the baby having us as its parents. I wanted to have a career for a couple of years first, but that's not going to happen I guess. I hope no one gets offended by this, but the only reason I'm having this baby is for him, because that's what he wants. I know there are people out there who would be really great parents and they can't have a child, and I feel terrible bringing a child into this marriage with us as its parents.
All I keep thinking is how terrible of a person and a wife I must be, but I don't know what to do about any of it. He keeps saying that I've changed since we got married... etc. He's probably right. Before we got married, I used to go out dancing and drinking with my girlfriends all the time, but I stopped doing that when we got married. I didn't think it was appropriate any more. I tried to get him to go out with me, but he doesn't like to. Then, I got him to take salsa lessons with me, and things were going really well, until I got pregnant and had to stop because I was sick all the time. I did find out towards the end of law school that I'm bipolar, or at least that's what one clinician said. It made me very depressed and I lost a lot of my spunk. I was on medications for a while, but I haven't taken any in a while, because they cause birth defects... etc. I am very worried about passing that on to my child. Mental illnesses apparently run in my family, but no one ever told me! My parents don't know about my diagnoses either. They don't believe in that sort of thing much less taking medications for it! I just feel so alone, and the animals always make me feel better, because they never judge you and they love you unconditionally no matter what you look like or what you say. People aren't like that.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been crying non-stop most of the night, but does he care? No. He acts like I'm being ridiculous and I didn't get the meaning of what he said correctly! What a jerk. He's out helping his step-dad with his paper route. And, no, before anyone asks, we are not teenagers. I'm 31 and he's 30. I never thought I would marry someone whose family is so different from mine.
I feel like leaving,but every time I think about it, I don't because I'm afraid if I do he will kill all the animals, which are my children right now. I will feel terrible if I do this, but I know I have to take them to a rescue place asap. I don't think it will help our relationship that much, because I'll always know that I did that for him and I'll always wonder what happened to them. I hate living in the state we live in, since my family is so far away, but we stay here because of him, and because we can't afford to move. He claims the dogs are eating too much, but I call bs on that one. They don't cost nearly as much as this baby has already cost us or how much it will cost us in the future. Oh, but that's okay with him.
I feel so unloved by him right now, and I thought we were doing so well and he was being so sweet to me, but that wasnt' because of me, it was because of the baby. I don't really have anywhere to go, and none of my friends would let me stay with them with 5 animals. Any comments anyone has would be appreciated. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help!