Ask Me Help Desk - Don't know what to do

Help!

I've been married 4 years now, and I'm pregnant with our first child. The baby is due June 8th. I come home from work today, and I try to work through some issues with my hsuband and he says he's decided that he's done trying to go out of his way to make me happy any longer, because he hasn't gotten anything he wanted and he feels like he's being taken advantage of. I don't know what the hell he's talking about, and he's been angry at me ever since I told him I didn't think we needed to have more than one child. I have a lot of bladder problems that I had pre-pregnancy and now they're much, much worse. He says he will hate himself if we don't at least have one more child, but he really wants two more. I feel like he's being very selfish. He says he's wanted to be a father since he was a kid... etc. I don't think he has a clue what he's getting into. He seems to think that a baby is all fun and games and is shocked when he finds out what he's really going to have to do.

We also have 5 animals; 3 dogs; 2 cats. The cats are 12 years old and 2 years old. The dogs are 4 and 2 years old. One of the cats I've had forever. The other I almost ran over twice and brought home. The dogs were rescues. One of them I brought home with me when I was volunteering with an animal rescue. The other two he had to have,but when they weren't puppies anymore and started tearing up stuff, he wanted to give them away. So, we did - twice. Both times, they came back to us for different reasons. Not because they're bad dogs, but because the people we gave them to didn't listen. These two dogs are half Husky/ half German Shepherd and they weigh approx. 80 lbs each. They are beautiful dogs with great temperament, but because my husband used to hit them a lot when they were puppies, they're scared of a lot of things and they don't know how to play. I have tried to work with them, but it's useless.

When he was complaining about how terrible of a wife I am, he mentioned that he wanted to kill all of the animals while I was at work today,but didn't explain why he didn't. He also said that he would just open the front door and let them run out, but he knew I'd make him help me go look for them. He acts like he's making some huge sacrifice by allowing them to stay at our house while he's as mean to them as he can possibly be. Meanwhile, I'm as big as a house, and he will no longer help me feed them because he hates them.

I knew when we got married that we were total opposites,but I didn't realize just how much. I stupidly believed that we could grow and learn from each other, but all I've learned from him is how not to let people take advantage of me.

Also, I have no family here and his lives nearby and I am not close to any of them. Mostly because they smoke weed regularly and I don't. I'm a lawyer, but I wasn't getting paid enough practicing law, so I took a non-legal job that I hate that pays twice as much to help out with our bills. He claims that I didn't have to do that, but I didn't feel like I had a choice! I'm not really ready to have a baby right now, and I feel bad for the baby having us as its parents. I wanted to have a career for a couple of years first, but that's not going to happen I guess. I hope no one gets offended by this, but the only reason I'm having this baby is for him, because that's what he wants. I know there are people out there who would be really great parents and they can't have a child, and I feel terrible bringing a child into this marriage with us as its parents.

All I keep thinking is how terrible of a person and a wife I must be, but I don't know what to do about any of it. He keeps saying that I've changed since we got married... etc. He's probably right. Before we got married, I used to go out dancing and drinking with my girlfriends all the time, but I stopped doing that when we got married. I didn't think it was appropriate any more. I tried to get him to go out with me, but he doesn't like to. Then, I got him to take salsa lessons with me, and things were going really well, until I got pregnant and had to stop because I was sick all the time. I did find out towards the end of law school that I'm bipolar, or at least that's what one clinician said. It made me very depressed and I lost a lot of my spunk. I was on medications for a while, but I haven't taken any in a while, because they cause birth defects... etc. I am very worried about passing that on to my child. Mental illnesses apparently run in my family, but no one ever told me! My parents don't know about my diagnoses either. They don't believe in that sort of thing much less taking medications for it! I just feel so alone, and the animals always make me feel better, because they never judge you and they love you unconditionally no matter what you look like or what you say. People aren't like that.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been crying non-stop most of the night, but does he care? No. He acts like I'm being ridiculous and I didn't get the meaning of what he said correctly! What a jerk. He's out helping his step-dad with his paper route. And, no, before anyone asks, we are not teenagers. I'm 31 and he's 30. I never thought I would marry someone whose family is so different from mine.

I feel like leaving,but every time I think about it, I don't because I'm afraid if I do he will kill all the animals, which are my children right now. I will feel terrible if I do this, but I know I have to take them to a rescue place asap. I don't think it will help our relationship that much, because I'll always know that I did that for him and I'll always wonder what happened to them. I hate living in the state we live in, since my family is so far away, but we stay here because of him, and because we can't afford to move. He claims the dogs are eating too much, but I call bs on that one. They don't cost nearly as much as this baby has already cost us or how much it will cost us in the future. Oh, but that's okay with him.

I feel so unloved by him right now, and I thought we were doing so well and he was being so sweet to me, but that wasnt' because of me, it was because of the baby. I don't really have anywhere to go, and none of my friends would let me stay with them with 5 animals. Any comments anyone has would be appreciated. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help!

First of all, I see your post has been viewed a dozen and a half times w/no response, so I'll take a stab at it. Let's try to break this down...

I've been married 4 years now, and I'm pregnant with our first child. The baby is due June 8th. I come home from work today, and I try to work through some issues with my hsuband and he says he's decided that he's done trying to go out of his way to make me happy any longer, b/c he hasn't gotten anything he wanted and he feels like he's being taken advantage of. I don't know what the hell he's talking about, and he's been angry at me ever since I told him I didn't think we needed to have more than one child. I have a lot of bladder problems that I had pre-pregnancy and now they're much, much worse. He says he will hate himself if we don't at least have one more child, but he really wants two more. I feel like he's being very selfish. He says he's wanted to be a father since he was a kid...etc., I don't think he has a clue what he's getting into. He seems to think that a baby is all fun and games and is shocked when he finds out what he's really going to have to do.

Don't worry about fighting over having more children....Neither of you is prepared to answer that question. You still have to get through the rest of this pregnancy, and then there is a tiny baby to care for 24 hours a day. Until you have had one child, you simply can't say how many would be right for your family. Don't address this issue at all right now.

We also have 5 animals; 3 dogs; 2 cats. The cats are 12 years old and 2 years old. The dogs are 4 and 2 years old. One of the cats I've had forever. The other I almost ran over twice and brought home. The dogs were rescues. One of them I brought home with me when I was volunteering with an animal rescue. The other two he had to have,but when they weren't puppies anymore and started tearing up stuff, he wanted to give them away. So, we did - twice. Both times, they came back to us for different reasons. Not b/c they're bad dogs, but b/c the people we gave them to didn't listen. These two dogs are half Husky/ half German Shepherd and they weigh approx. 80 lbs each. They are beautiful dogs with great temperament, but b/c my husband used to hit them a lot when they were puppies, they're scared of a lot of things and they don't know how to play. I have tried to work with them, but it's useless.

You have too many pets! A lot of care taking to do on top of a baby...might be time to look for suitable replacement homes for a few, especially if you are the only one caring for them.

When he was complaining about how terrible of a wife I am, he mentioned that he wanted to kill all of the animals while I was at work today,but didn't explain why he didn't. He also said that he would just open the front door and let them run out, but he knew I'd make him help me go look for them. He acts like he's making some huge sacrifice by allowing them to stay at our house while he's as mean to them as he can possibly be. Meanwhile, I'm as big as a house, and he will no longer help me feed them b/c he hates them.

You can't make him love animals. That threat of his is a little chilling. It deserves some more investigation. Ask him what he plans to do if the baby is colicky and cries all night, or wants fed every hour all night long. Is he going to threaten your child's life too?

I knew when we got married that we were total opposites,but I didn't realize just how much. I stupidly believed that we could grow and learn from each other, but all I've learned from him is how not to let people take advantage of me.
Also, I have no family here and his lives nearby and I am not close to any of them. Mostly b/c they smoke weed regularly and I don't. I'm a lawyer, but I wasn't getting paid enough practicing law, so I took a non-legal job that I hate that pays twice as much to help out with our bills. He claims that I didn't have to do that, but I didn't feel like I had a choice! I'm not really ready to have a baby right now, and I feel bad for the baby having us as its parents. I wanted to have a career for a couple of years first, but that's not going to happen I guess. I hope no one gets offended by this, but the only reason I'm having this baby is for him, b/c that's what he wants. I know there are people out there who would be really great parents and they can't have a child, and I feel terrible bringing a child into this marriage with us as its parents.

If you feel you need to work, then you need to work. If you weren't ready for a child, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant to please anyone else. Do you intend to raise this child? Or are you considering leaving your husband and the baby? Not wanting to be a mom yet, or ever, doesn't make you a bad person.

All I keep thinking is how terrible of a person and a wife I must be, but I don't know what to do about any of it. He keeps saying that I've changed since we got married...etc., He's probably right. Before we got married, I used to go out dancing and drinking with my girlfriends all the time, but I stopped doing that when we got married. I didn't think it was appropriate any more. I tried to get him to go out with me, but he doesn't like to. Then, I got him to take salsa lessons with me, and things were going really well, until I got pregnant and had to stop b/c I was sick all the time. I did find out towards the end of law school that I'm bipolar, or at least that's what one clinician said. It made me very depressed and I lost a lot of my spunk. I was on medications for a while, but I haven't taken any in a while, b/c they cause birth defects...etc., I am very worried about passing that on to my child. Mental illnesses apparently run in my family, but no one ever told me! My parents don't know about my diagnoses either. They don't believe in that sort of thing much less taking medications for it! I just feel so alone, and the animals always make me feel better, b/c they never judge you and they love you unconditionally no matter what you look like or what you say. People aren't like that.

Sadly, everybody sits in judgment. Being bipolar is manageable, though I doubt you can take most meds during pregnancy. Mental illness is in EVERYONE'S family anymore. But the illness could also be part of the reason you feel so depressed and lonely. It tends to make your feelings more exaggerated. Regular meds (when possible) along with therapy will drastically improve your mood, and it will be necessary for you to take excellent care of yourself in order to be able to care for your baby.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been crying non-stop most of the night, but does he care? No. He acts like I'm being ridiculous and I didn't get the meaning of what he said correctly! What a jerk. He's out helping his step-dad with his paper route. And, no, before anyone asks, we are not teenagers. I'm 31 and he's 30. I never thought I would marry someone whose family is so different from mine.

Maybe you could both benefit from some marriage counseling.

I feel like leaving,but every time I think about it, I don't b/c I'm afraid if I do he will kill all the animals, which are my children right now. I will feel terrible if I do this, but I know I have to take them to a rescue place asap. I don't think it will help our relationship that much, b/c I'll always know that I did that for him and I'll always wonder what happened to them. I hate living in the state we live in, since my family is so far away, but we stay here b/c of him, and b/c we can't afford to move. He claims the dogs are eating too much, but I call bs on that one. They don't cost nearly as much as this baby has already cost us or how much it will cost us in the future. Oh, but that's okay with him.

Expenses will be viewed differently. He wants a child more than anything, so he'd gladly pay the price. You want your pets, so you'd pay whatever it cost. It's the same principal applied to two different objects of affection.

I feel so unloved by him right now, and I thought we were doing so well and he was being so sweet to me, but that wasnt' b/c of me, it was b/c of the baby. I don't really have anywhere to go, and none of my friends would let me stay with them with 5 animals. Any comments anyone has would be appreciated. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help!

Get counseling for the bipolar disorder, marriage counseling for you and your husband, reduce the number of pets (compromise), and see where things go from there.

When I got married - we planned on having a large family. We moved out of state a year into our marriage and then bought a home. I wanted to start our family. My husband wasn't ready. Resentment was building. Finally, after 2 more years of practically begging, I got pregnant. We have a great little girl. Well, I wanted more. He changed his mind. He decided, on his own, that he only wanted one. It was really hard to deal with, because I never thought I would just have one. I had to learn to nuture the family we had and stop dwelling on a child that wasn't even here.
But, to have children or not, is a deal breaker for marriages. Right now, though, is not the time to have this argument. Until you have your child - you have no idea what you are in for. His mind might change also. So, table that discussion until you are both informed on what it takes to be parents.
The animals - you might find that YOU will want to find new homes for them after the baby. Just because a baby demands so much of your time - that you don't have much left over. And the time you do have - you aren't going to want to take care of anything but yourself.

It has been said (an I don't know if I agree with this 100%) that you can tell what can of parent a person will be by the way they treat their pets. If he is constently abusive to a defenseless animal - what is he going to do to a baby? Especially when it isn't all the fun he thought it would be?

And, shame on him for dumping this on you when you are preparing to give birth to his child.

[The animals - you might find that YOU will want to find new homes for them after the baby. Just because a baby demands so much of your time - that you don't have much left over. And the time you do have - you aren't going to want to take care of anything but yourself.

I agree. I have already begun looking for a place for them. We have tried to give two of our dogs away two times before, and both times we took them back. The first time, I gave them to a friend's mom b/c she has 5 acres and I thought it would be perfect for them to run around. Well, a week later, her mom said she couldn't take them anymore and would we take them back. I had already explained to her mom that they would dig and chase small animals and she acted like she understood that, but I guess not. We took them back and they were covered in ticks! We had to take them to the vet to get them removed and then have them tested for tick-bourne illnesses. My poor puppies. :( At this time, they were only like 6-8 months old. They were escaping from the yard all the time and we just couldn't handle them.

At the time we got the puppies we already had one dog who was 56 lbs that I brought home when I volunteered with an animal rescue organization, and she had issues. Well, my husband hated her b/c she peed every time he made eye contact with her. I tried to explain what he needed to do to make that work, but he would instead hit her and yell at her all the time. As a result of that, he demanded a dog that he picked out, and he wanted a big dog. So, we drove out to this guy's house to see some 1/2 German Shepherd, 1/2 Husky puppies b/c he couldn't decide which of these breeds he wanted, so why not get a mix! He picked the one he wanted, and I was playing with another one. He wanted a confident one that didn't sit down when he was petting it. He found one, and we started off down the driveway for home. He stops the car and decides that we can't leave the other one, b/c the guy that was caring for them was such an idiot and he wasn't feeding them...etc., So, we leave with 2 puppies vs one. There was still one puppy left and its purebred Husky mother when we left. I've always wondered what happened to that poor little thing.

The 2nd time we gave them away, we put an ad in the paper; free to good home. These people came to our house and they had 2 acres of land and two kids. The mom acted like she hated dogs, but the dad was really sweet with them and so were the kids. They refused to give me their phone number to keep in touch, claiming they didn't have one. I thought they'd be okay. 3 weeks passed and we took our one dog to the dog park all the time, and my husband kept saying how much he missed the puppies and wished he could take them the the park, too...etc., Later that week we got a call from a rescue org that had found them running free in a horse pasture right next to the rescue org. At first, he didn't want to take them back, but then he decided he missed them so much we had to have them back. I did not pressure him into any of this by the way. So, since that time, they have escaped from the yard at least 3 times, and one of those times they've ended up in the pound which makes you pay to get them out. My hubby was none too pleased about that.

It has been said (an I don't know if I agree with this 100%) that you can tell what can of parent a person will be by the way they treat their pets. If he is constently abusive to a defenseless animal - what is he going to do to a baby? Especially when it isn't all the fun he thought it would be?

I have actually discussed this with him, and he claims to view babies differently than animals. I totally agree with you, and I can only hope and pray that I'm wrong about him.

And, shame on him for dumping this on you when you are preparing to give birth to his child.[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is rather odd that we can be watching TV or someone in public interact where the woman is pregnant and the husband is yelling at her and making her cry, and my husband always said, "what an a-hole, I would never do that to a pregnant woman!" Ha! He does it all the time. When I bring it to his attention, guess what he says? He says it's just not real to him yet. In my head, I think what a friggin idiot! Does he think I've gained 40 lbs for no apparent reason, or that I look like I swallowed a basketball for fun?

Anyway, thanks for responding. I really appreciate the comments.

[QUOTE=vlee]First of all, I see your post has been viewed a dozen and a half times w/no response, so I'll take a stab at it. Let's try to break this down...

Thank you for responding. I definitely appreciate it!

Don't worry about fighting over having more children....Neither of you is prepared to answer that question. You still have to get through the rest of this pregnancy, and then there is a tiny baby to care for 24 hours a day. Until you have had one child, you simply can't say how many would be right for your family. Don't address this issue at all right now.

I keep telling him we need to wait and see how things work out with one child before we talk about having any more. He views this as I've ruined his life and his dream of being a father is ruined. What a drama queen! I'm pretty sure you're still a father regardless of the number of kids you have... right?

You have too many pets! A lot of care taking to do on top of a baby...might be time to look for suitable replacement homes for a few, especially if you are the only one caring for them.

See my response to the other poster on this one. Sorry I can't remember the name! :(

You can't make him love animals. That threat of his is a little chilling. It deserves some more investigation. Ask him what he plans to do if the baby is colicky and cries all night, or wants fed every hour all night long. Is he going to threaten your child's life too?

I totally agree. This isn't the first time he's threatened to kill them or hurt them in some way. I have had to make him stop hitting them before, and feared for my own safety. Sometimes he just gets so angry it really scares me. He blames it on me, of course. I think it's because he acts like he so "easy-going," but in reality he just keeps it all bottled up inside until he can't take it anymore. Me, I wasn't raised that way. I was raised to confront issues immediately as they occur and take care of them so they don't crop up again.

If you feel you need to work, then you need to work. If you weren't ready for a child, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant to please anyone else. Do you intend to raise this child? Or are you considering leaving your husband and the baby? Not wanting to be a mom yet, or ever, doesn't make you a bad person.

The sad thing is that I really did want to be a mom until just recently. I had purposefully stopped taking the pill... etc. But I didn't think I could get pregnant. We had been trying without actively trying for about 2 years and nothing was happening, and then all of a sudden... We were planning to start actively trying in 2 years. I wanted at least 2 kids, maybe 3, but since I got pregnant, I have been so miserable, and I hate depending on others to help me with stuff. I am very independent, and I it drives me crazy to not be able to function normally or remember stuff! I just don't know if I can handle that all over again.

Sadly, everybody sits in judgment. Being bipolar is manageable, though I doubt you can take most meds during pregnancy. Mental illness is in EVERYONE'S family anymore. But the illness could also be part of the reason you feel so depressed and lonely. It tends to make your feelings more exaggerated. Regular meds (when possible) along with therapy will drastically improve your mood, and it will be necessary for you to take excellent care of yourself in order to be able to care for your baby.

You can't take any meds during pregnancy or while breast-feeding. I'm not really sure if I'm bipolar or not, because the woman I was seeing wasn't a psychiatrist or psychologist, and I got sick once and had to miss a visit, and she sent me a letter saying she couldn't see me anymore! What the hell? If I was really severely bipolar, isn't that kind of wrong? I know I have a lot of severe anxieties, and I have difficulty controlling my emotions sometimes, but I've never tried to commit suicide or done anything really dangerous. So if I am bipolar, it's very mild. I would like to go to a real psychiatrist or psychologist, but my husband switched our insurance when I got pregnant so that only certain things are covered! He never believed I was bipolar anyway. He just kept saying I should, "act normal," and " get over it." That was none too helpful.

Maybe you could both benefit from some marriage counseling.

You are correct sir. I have asked him to go several times, but he won't, because he doesn't want to pay for it!

Expenses will be viewed differently. He wants a child more than anything, so he'd gladly pay the price. You want your pets, so you'd pay whatever it cost. It's the same principal applied to two different objects of affection.

I think all that you have suggested is right on. We'll see what I can get done and what I can't.

An update to my initial post:

He came home from the paper route and felt really bad for being so mean and was all lovey-dovey, and I just wanted to punch him in the face. Later, he wanted to talk about it and he apologized for being such a jerk. He said that it's okay if we keep the dogs, because we can afford it, and it's not that big of a deal. A side note: when he was being such a jerk the other day, I even asked him if there was a better time to discuss how he was feeling; perhaps a time when he was less angry, and he said, "no." So, he now says he should've not talked about it then or put it in our "thought box" and talked about it then. ( the thought box is a box I came up with where we can put stuff in when we're angry and talk about at a weekly scheduled time instead of blowing up right then and there. Unfortunately, he never puts anything in there!)

So, we were getting along really good, and he was being really sweet until we got into it again about something random last night, and he started yelling at me since I responded in such a way he considered to be evasive. I don't get it. If you don't know, can't you just say, "I don't know?"

Just beware, if he is the way you have described him in your posts, I feel he could be a threat for domestic violence. Classic signs include cruelty to animals, explosive temper, blaming others for everything that goes wrong, and convincing apologies after saying or doing something awful. I hope he has never hit you, but if he ever would I also hope you have a plan to get out.

Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling unsure about wanting a child now that you are pregnant... a lot of women have doubts and fears for their child and themselves, especially the first time around. It may be natural to have children, but that doesn't mean you won't ride a complete emotional roller-coaster the entire time. I am sure that once you look into your baby's eyes you will melt with joy and delight and although you will probably still be a little afraid and overwhelmed (as all moms are), you will welcome all the surprises this new life may bring.

I agree with the others who have said that there are real red flags about abuse. It sounds like there may already be some verbal abuse going on. Please be careful, your responsibility is not only for yourself but for your child as well. You're going to have to make a decision if he becomes abusive with your child, or physically with you. You may have to put both your and your baby's welfare above that of the animals if it comes down to it. If you need to leave and go to a shelter you may have to leave the animals. You could probably report him for threatening the animals especially if someone else heard it. At least then there would be someone looking after them.
As far as the pregnancy and bipolar disorder, you may want to consider going back on your meds right after the baby is born and bottlefeeding the baby. Although there are many benefits of breastfeeding, I think it is far more important that you be balanced so you can give the baby proper care. I have ADHD and my sister is Bipolar. I know what a difference the meds make on your emotional stability.
If it comes down to it and your husband becomes abusive, make sure it is documented so that you can prove it. If you don't think you and your husband can care for the baby contact child protective services. They can help you manage, or give your baby a proper home if you cannot.
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I think your husband maybe the bipolar one. Or have some other mental issue.

I also think that if you were with someone supportive and loving - you would enjoy your pregnancy more. I loved being pregnant - even though I gained 60 pounds and could only fit into one pair of shoes and looked like a picture straight out of national geographic. My husband was wonderful.
My best friend had a terrible time because her husband was kind of like yours.
She is divorced now and about to remarry. She really questions if she wants to have another child because of how it was the first time.
Her fiancé is a great man. He is loving and supportive. I keep telling her that I am sure it would be different this time because of the man she is with.

When it comes to counseling - you don't ask. You tell. This is what has to be done in order for me to stay.
Let me tell you, if he is bad right now with the stress of animals and whatever - it won't get better when you have a baby. You will be running on little to no sleep for days on end. You are going to be trying to figure out what this cry means or that cry means.
The stress level is going to be turned up by 10. This will pass, but it does happen. You need to get help NOW. You both need to learn how to communicate with one another so you can HEAR each other. The old saying goes, I know you are listening - but do you hear what I am saying.
This advice I give is if you want to stay and make this work. If you do not - then you need to leave or ask him to. Trust your gut when it tells you you are in an unsafe environment. Honey, I truly think that he is one break down away from hitting you.
Hitting your animals is just a diversion (which is totally unacceptable) For now.

I think you both are under a lot of stress, with such a life changing event hanging over you. Now is not the time to take every comment personally, or every action as some grand expression of being dissatisfied. Try relaxing more, and give him space to as its his first time as well. If things were great before, chances are if everyone keeps his cool, then things will be greater after the package has been delivered.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you both are under a lot of stress, with such a life changing event hanging over you. Now is not the time to take every comment personally, or every action as some grand expression of being dissatisfied. Try relaxing more, and give him space to as its his first time as well. If things were great before, chances are if everyone keeps his cool, then things will be greater after the package has been delivered.

You are definitely correct that we are both under a lot of stress. Unfortunately, things were not what I would call "great" before. Our marriage has always been somewhat tumultuous from the beginning.

I think I may have married him without really thinking about it very much, but I'm not willing to just walk away without doing everything I think I can do to make it work. He has a lot of behaviors that I wish he would change, and he claimed that he would when we first got married. Now, it's like pulling teeth getting him to listen to anything that I say.

I doubt very serously that things will be better/greater after the baby comes, and if they are, it will only be because I'm sweeping everything under the rug and pretending that they are. I do tend to be a little bit of a pessimist sometimes, so I can only hope that your assessment is correct.

Thanks very much for responding!

Quote:

Originally Posted by vlee

Just beware, if he is the way you have described him in your posts, I feel he could be a threat for domestic violence. Classic signs include cruelty to animals, explosive temper, blaming others for everything that goes wrong, and convincing apologies after saying or doing something awful. I hope he has never hit you, but if he ever would I also hope you have a plan to get out.

I have been afraid of that since I saw him being mean to the dogs. He hasn't ever hit me, and he says he never would, but he has scared the crap out of me and yelled at me and gotten in my face and certainly made me think that he might hit me. I do definitely have a plan to get out if he ever does.

Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling unsure about wanting a child now that you are pregnant....a lot of women have doubts and fears for their child and themselves, especially the first time around. It may be natural to have children, but that doesn't mean you won't ride a complete emotional roller-coaster the entire time. I am sure that once you look into your baby's eyes you will melt with joy and delight and although you will probably still be a little afraid and overwhelmed (as all moms are), you will welcome all the surprises this new life may bring.

Thank you so much for saying that! I have felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling this way, and my husband certainly doesn't help any when I tell him how I feel. I have only one friend I can tell that I feel this way, and that's because she would feel that way, too. Others get all judgemental and start chastising me and stuff. It makes me feel really bad, and like I have no one to talk to.

You have to go with your gut, not with anything else. No one is alone with him like you are, and most people who have a dark side hide it in front of others. I would like to suggest that you speak to a counselor and confide your fears in him/her. He/she can help you determine how safe you feel, and if anything can be done to turn things around, or if you'd be better off on your own. A lot of women who ended up being abused saw small signs and disregarded them. The best advice I have ever heard is GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCTS!

Quote:

Originally Posted by vlee

You have to go with your gut, not with anything else. No one is alone with him like you are, and most people who have a dark side hide it in front of others. I would like to suggest that you speak to a counselor and confide your fears in him/her. He/she can help you determine how safe you feel, and if anything can be done to turn things around, or if you'd be better off on your own. A lot of women who ended up being abused saw small signs and disregarded them. The best advice I have ever heard is GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCTS!

Yes, some hide it so well, that it is unbelievable to others.