My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 8 months and recently I just got back from a vacation on Sunday and since then we've been arguing a lot lately. Mainly it's my fault over stupid little things that I said and did. We argued so much that yesterday she said that we needed a break from each other because we've argued so much in just a few days and that she couldn't take it anymore. She said we just needed a few days or even a week off from each other, but I'm worried that we won't get back together. We agreed to setting some limitations to this break such as no dating other people, no talking to anyone who might have been disrespectful to our relationship in the past, or anywhere along those lines that might hurt either one of us. We didn't really text each other at all today, other than her asking if I had a ride home from work today since my tire was flat. I've been stressing about this break so much even though it's only been a day. What should I do? It seems like we're still ink I'd terms, she didn't remove any pictures of us on her Facebook or Instagram, and she said she would still tell people she has a boyfriend if they asked. The only thing is that she said she wouldn't wear her promise ring that I had given her while we were on this break. I'm giving her, her space, but I did tell her that I missed her.

ONE day ago?
You need to prepare for this to go either way, most likely not the way you hope. Asking for a break almost always ends with the person wanting the break finding someone else, or at least finding out that they prefer to make the break permanent.
You already told her you miss her after one day, a bad sign. If you want to beat the odds, let HER do the contacting! This was her plan, so honor it.
As for rules of time off? A waste of effort. They never hold. If you were 50 years old and had a wife and 3 children, then you have rules about time off.
At least there's hope for you - you admit that it's your fault for 'stupid little things you said or did.'
You have time to work on yourself.

This is a good time for you to reflect on this relationship and decide if it is what you want for the rest of your life. After 1.75years you're having fights with your parnter that are bad enough that a break is warranted isn't a good sign for longevity in this relationship.

As a general observation, breaks don't really fix anything. A break is a sign that one or both of the people in the relationship have doubts about the viability of the relationship. The problem lies in that after the break, will either one make a change to allow the relationship to flourish or will you fall back into your old patterns causing the failure of the relationship. The change necessary is usually significant and beyond most people's ability. To put it in perspective. My First wife and I took a break in our relationship when we were dating, about two years in, we got back together. We got married. Less then a year in she decided that she never loved me. The reason we took the break? She wanted to make sure that she loved me.

On to you. What does this mean to you? You need to decide if the problems in this relationship are salvageable. After the break will anything have changed? Will the problems still be there. If you think they will be, I Wouldn't go back. It isn't worth it to put more effort into a failing relationship. If you think things can be fixed you need a plan and a goal to fix them. She does as well. Then maybe things can get better.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

ONE day ago?
You need to prepare for this to go either way, most likely not the way you hope. Asking for a break almost always ends with the person wanting the break finding someone else, or at least finding out that they prefer to make the break permanent.
You already told her you miss her after one day, a bad sign. If you want to beat the odds, let HER do the contacting! This was her plan, so honor it.
As for rules of time off? A waste of effort. They never hold. If you were 50 years old and had a wife and 3 children, then you have rules about time off.
At least there's hope for you - you admit that it's your fault for 'stupid little things you said or did.'
You have time to work on yourself.

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Well the main reason why we always argued was because I used to hide or delete things from her, such as text messages or my internet history. She has always said that she doesn't like it when I delete things because she's afraid it would eventually lead to hiding bigger things such as cheating. I'll be honest ever since she caught me doing this several months ago I've stopped, but the other day our friend who is a girl, had to pick me up from work so I messaged her for her number, but after she gave it to me I deleted the message. This is a problem for her because she knows I think she's cute, but I told her what was said/asked when she found out I deleted a message. I don't know why this is such a big deal, when I've told her I've only hidden materialistic things that involved my privacy. I've never hid anything in relations to another girl, except for this message from our friend, who is her best friends Gf.

DOOMED. She shouldn't be snooping or demanding to see your phone and computer. How long will romance last with that going on?
Neither of you sounds mature enough for this relationship. You don't give ages.

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Originally Posted by vmaypa

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 8 months and recently I just got back from a vacation on Sunday and since then we've been arguing a lot lately. Mainly it's my fault over stupid little things that I said and did. We argued so much that yesterday she said that we needed a break from each other because we've argued so much in just a few days and that she couldn't take it anymore. She said we just needed a few days or even a week off from each other, but I'm worried that we won't get back together. We agreed to setting some limitations to this break such as no dating other people, no talking to anyone who might have been disrespectful to our relationship in the past, or anywhere along those lines that might hurt either one of us. We didn't really text each other at all today, other than her asking if I had a ride home from work today since my tire was flat. I've been stressing about this break so much even though it's only been a day. What should I do? It seems like we're still ink I'd terms, she didn't remove any pictures of us on her Facebook or Instagram, and she said she would still tell people she has a boyfriend if they asked. The only thing is that she said she wouldn't wear her promise ring that I had given her while we were on this break. I'm giving her, her space, but I did tell her that I missed her.

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What do you do, is man-up and give her the space she demanded. Sure it sucks... but you really have no choice.

With all this whining after only "one" day... I can see her point. Jeeze, don't you have a life of your own? You really need to get one no matter where this ends up.

Whiny and clingy are not endearing traits for anyone, male or female.

As was mentioned... use this time to look at all the wrong things you've done, and the shortcomings in your own behavior. Work to correct them.

Leave her alone for now... or you WILL seal your fate and it won't be what you like. As it is it can go either way, IF YOU LEAVE HER ALONE. Want to make up her mind keep it up and you will be blocked from everything and will convince her that you really do have issues.

You suck it up... because you really have no alternative. That's life... you have to do a LOT of things you don't like when you become an adult had have to support yourself and pay your own way. Something you have yet to learn. Consider this the first lesson of many.

What makes it obvious you are still in school? The Friendship ring thing...its not something adults do, or obsess over.

I see a few problems here...

First, the whole promise ring thing. Cute but it doesn't really mean anything. A promise ring really means "I'm going to do whatever the hell I want to do, and so are you because we're way too young to get engaged or married, but I really don't want YOU to date anyone else". It's more possession than promise.

Second, the whole "take a break". What the hell is that? "I can't stand being around you - you infuriate and suffocate me and make me crazy. But I think I'd like to keep you on standby in case I change my mind." Hell, no! If you aren't dating, you aren't dating.

Third, all this "she didn't text me all day and....". For the love of Pete. Married people don't text people during the work day all the time. There is nothing to talk about when you're together if you have to report every detail of life in real time as it happens. Let some space exist - physical space and time - between you and the people you are dating. It's exhausting to tell someone where you're going and what you're doing and who you are with all the time - which is why teenagers hate living with their parents. Why would you want to move on from your parents to college or whatever, only to have to start reporting the same stuff to a girlfriend? You need to set ground rules early on - not like "don't bother me" but rather, "I don't want a relationship where we have to be joined at the hip 24/7. I want you to live your life, I'll live mine, and when we're together we can catch up. I want to have something left to talk about when I see you, and not live our relationship over text messages. I also need to focus on my other friends and family when I'm with them, and my classes and work when I'm working on those." If she cannot live without hearing from you every 2 hours, you will NEVER be able to sustain that. Don't even try. And for the love of God, let her talk to her friends, spend a day with her Mom, finish her paper... don't expect constant updates on her either. Let her alone during most of the week, maybe establish certain habits like meeting Wednesday for Coffee, or having a date on Saturday, but don't try to tie her to your back as your constant companion.

Here's what I'd do. Give her the break and give yourself one too. Go do your homework. Meet up with the guys for a pick up game of basketball or to play poker or whatever. Pick up extra work hours, catch up on your laundry, pay your bills... whatever is your responsibility to do, and whatever you enjoy doing when you aren't in a relationship - do THAT. You are not ready to get married. So, do the things that will get you ready by a reasonable age - set the stage for a great, well-paying career. Establish those close friendships with the guys who, with their eventual wives, are going to be right there to celebrate with you when you get married, and have kids, and get promoted at the job. Work on the hobbies that are going to fulfill you as an individual throughout your life because no woman will ever meet your every need. Fish, or run, or build something, or work on your car - men and women all need personal interests and outlets because after you've been with someone for a few years, if they don't give you a minute alone, there's going to either be a divorce or a homicide, lol.

Your relationship needs space - not just for a few days or a week, but every single day, every single relationship. It's suffocating otherwise.

I hope this is helpful to you. I see this happen with my 21 year old son. He starts dating a girl and within a week, they are inseparable. Within 6 weeks they are fighting. If they just continued the rest of their lives and maintained some perspective and space, didn't see each other every day, didn't constantly text - it would be fun.

Listen to yourself. You argue over what YOU do with your phone? You should be the one who needs space and plenty of it. The fact you can't go a day without her is a really bad sign. Leave her alone until she calls you, and try to grow a pair when she wants to police your phone.

You sound like two very young insecure kids that have no business in any relationship, let alone with each other. Sorry, but why are you doing this crap! It's just not healthy, for you or her. The good news is this will teach you what a healthy relationship is NOT, and you will have a chance to do better. Hope you have good memories of better times and let her have the ring. I doubt things get better with this one.

By the little things you said and by reading between the lines, you sound controlling. Drama begins to weigh on a relationship and if you keep this up, this relationship is doomed. It might be anyway. Give her the space she's asking for. As far as the rules of taking a break, I'm guessing that came from you. If she takes you back make sure you put her and her needs above your own. That's what people do in a relationship. If she doesn't take you back, then all you can do is learn from this.