Ask Me Help Desk - Help In The Bedroom

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years I'm 22 and he is 34 and it seams as if he has no desire to have sex with me. In the beginning we did it every night but that didn't last long and now we only do it once a month and there are some months that it doesn't happen at all. When it does happen I have to make the first move. Most times when I want it and try to make the first move he pushes me away or moves my hand or rolls over or if I put his had on me he pulls it away fast and if its in the morning he will just jump out of bed. When It does happen we only do two positions missionary him on top and cowgirl me on top. I have asked him to try new positions and he don't seem interested. Also He never wants to go down on me but is always up for me to go down on him. I have tried to talk to him about this and when he does answer me and don't blow it off he says that sex get boring. He said he is still sexually attracted to me and still likes having sex with me but that sex its self after doing it so many times just gets boring. Also he's not a big fan of kissing, hugging, or holding hands ether. I don't want to leave him because I do love him and the rest of our relationship is great and I don't want to cheat. But I have tried everything! How do I get him to want to have sex with me? P.S. He has premature ejaculation and is on Celis and is on a whole bunch of other pills and we live together if that helps.

What is his health like? Stress levels? Exhaustion levels?

Common causes of reduced libido do include drugs, stress, and physical/mental exhaustion. IF, after a long day at work, he is too tired then he will not want to have sex. If he is stressed out about something, he won't either. If he is in poor health or certain drugs will cause a lack of libido as well. It could also be the embarrassment of have premature ejaculation: "What is the point if I am just going to go in three strokes?". It is hard on the ego and the libido.

It isn't surprising that you were f**king like bunnies in the beginning. That is the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Everything is new and happy, but that doesn't last does it? Most, if not all relationships, experience a drop in intimate activities after a few months to a year.

What is concerning me is his refusal of intimacy. No sex, no hugging, no kissing, etc. This could be the way he is and it doesn't sound like it is the way you are. Most relationships have common pillars without which it will fail. Attraction, intimacy, communication, respect, to name a few. Sex and intimacy is a tricky one because it is still VERY taboo in our society. You can have everything but if the sex is lacking then you're a shallow person for leaving them. The things is, you're not. Your intimate life is very important, and when it is lacking then the relationship goes to unhealthy very quickly. You have your needs, which aren't being met.

I would contemplate leaving this fellow. If you're not happy after 2 years, what is it going to be like in 10 years? 20? It is okay for you to just say that your sexual needs aren't being met and find a new relationship. That is my recommendation because you're not happy and things aren't going to change.

The sexual part of a relationship is important. If he is not wanting to have any type of intimacy with you and it's obviously important to you, this relationship will not last that much longer. Do you guys communicate outside of the bedroom? It seems he has no interest in seeing that you are satisfied. You may have to walk or stay frustrated. You are too young for that.

You say he is on a "bunch of other pills." What pills are those and why are they prescribed? Many times medications and/or health issues decrease libido.

For sure the honeymoon is over and the reality of living together and learning to live together has set in. You either talk and work it out together, or stop living together. When the lust wears off and there isn't enough love or willingness to work together through honest communications the relationship dies a natural death anyway.

He doesn't sound that willing to me, sorry.

Odds are it's the medications (as well as some familiarity). You gloss over that topic like it's just an aside. MANY medications ruin the libido, and what about the conditions for which he is taking them??
I'm a woman and I'm feeling sorry for HIM because of your lack of understanding.
Write down all his conditions and medications and spend a good 10 hours or more googling all of them.

That bit about "sex got boring" is somewhat of a red flag. Hopefully he's just trying to compensate for his medical conditions-induced loss of libido. On the other hand it could indicate that he doesn't know how to move past the honeymoon phase so is shutting the relationship down.

You might consider asking his Doctor if he has indicated where his head is regarding the relationship. Be prepared for there not to be a relationship, because without communication there won't be one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catsmine

You might consider asking his Doctor if he has indicated where his head is regarding the relationship.

. Unless the boyfriend has given permission for the doctor to discuss his/her treatment of the patient, expect the doctor to refuse any discussion. HIPAA prevails.