There’s a problem I’ve struggled with that I could never tell anyone besides my best friend. People are, no doubt, in worse situations, which has probably stopped me from talking about it, but here goes: I’ve never felt loved by my father. I can't remember the last time he said "I love you." or the last time he gave me a hug. He told me once that I drive him nuts. I would try to do things to make him happy or proud of me but he never seems happy.
For instance, I am the baker of the family, and I am the only one (except for my mom but it’s rare) who will bake something if we are running low on deserts. Apparently it has become expected of me, and well, a few times I would forget to bake desert or am too busy to bake and my dad would come home and lecture me how much he does for me and I can’t even remember to bake some desert. He makes me feel like a complete jerk, and I’m sick of it. Another time I did make a cake that took literally hours to make. When he gets home I showed him what I did and all he says is how ugly it is. Never even got a thank you.
I try to make him proud of me by getting super good grades. Twice I got close to a 99% on my report card for that quarter of the year. When my dad found out all he says is “Oh ok” without any enthusiasm at all.
I am currently taking a course and on our second exam I scored with the highest grade in class. I almost didn’t tell my dad because I didn’t think he would care. Well, I was right. I was hoping for a small change in him, but no, all he says is “good” and left the room; he seemed like he could care less. It hurt me so bad. I worked so hard for that grade and was so proud that I actually did it. Now, I don’t care about it anymore. I feel like a failure and I’m not good enough. My greatest fear is failing this class.(My brother told me once that I "Wasn't college material") I don’t want to sound like I’m a whip. Or I don’t want to be complaining about something that doesn’t matter, but I’m so sick of dealing with these things that I don’t know what to do anymore.
Once I told my best friend about these things (And worse that has happened to me) but my mom found out and warned me that “Whatever goes on in this house, stays in this house.” I can’t talk to anyone, and I’m too scared to anyway. But I feel like a worthless, pathetic jerk and don’t know what to do anymore. Please help.

You are indulging in self pity. Get out of it and move on. Put a smile on your face when interacting with your father and maybe you will receive a smile back. This will happen throughout your life; it happens to all of us. Immaturity drags us down.

Stop seeking your fathers approval and celebrate your own great achievements that you have worked very hard for. You are not like him, so don't be like him and let his attitude toward you be your attitude FOR YOURSELF. Don't take it personally and talk to your mom about this and I have no doubt she knows what you are going through.

He is who he is, the way he is and maybe that's the best he can do with what he has. You can thrive and be better though, despite your frustration with him. Grow into it, as things will soon change once you have reached your own independence.

Good Luck.

Oh teenage drama...

A lot of people... (and parents are people) aren't very touchy-feely. He doesn't have t say something to feel it. Also you need to take personal pride in things you do, which it does appear you do, (and this is a good trait to have) but you aren't going to get positive reinforcement or acknowledgement for everything you do in the real world ( which is when you have your own place, and your own job supporting yourself).

You really don't know what sort of pressure he has to deal with every day, It does sound like he might be a single dad raising a family, and if that's the case, he is under significantly more pressure than the average parent. That will cause many people to spend so much time focused on how to make enough to raise the family they really don't have time enough to truly relax enough to enjoy the little things.

Its not that he really doesn't notice... I think he does, he just has a combination of things that makes him the way he is. And its not uncommon, many families struggle to make enough to pay bills every day. I think its possible yours might just be another one of them.

When you get older and have to make ends meet yourself, you will begin to understand your father a lot better than you are able now.

My suggestion is suck it up for now, look at it as another challenge of life you will have to face as an adult every day, and you might end up better prepared to enter the adult world than many of your friends are.

You are doing good helping your family now... don't stop, just try to see more of the big picture.

Smooth, she says she has a mom. So dad is not a single parent.

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Originally Posted by Kit78eo

I feel like a worthless, pathetic jerk and don't know what to do anymore. Please help.

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As a child, your parents are your world. It's emotionally easier for you to blame yourself than to blame your father. We don't know why he is the way he is. Something may have happened in his life years ago or maybe he has major stressors at work or maybe there are financial problems you don't know about. You know he's hard to please. Sit down with your mom, and ask her for some insight into this.

Remember, do your best in school for yourself. You're the one who will benefit from this. Don't get good grades to impress anyone or make someone love you. Get them for you and for your future! It sounds like your dad knows you're smart and expects you to do well in school. (My dad was like that, too.)

As for desserts, keep them simple -- sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, cupcakes, no-bake cookies, apple crisp. What I used to do was make a double batch and put half (labeled and dated) into our freezer. At times when we'd run out of dessert because I was too busy with school stuff to bake, I would pull a container out of the freezer, thaw the cookies or whatever was in the container, and bingo bango! there was dessert. I'd even mix and match -- thaw six chocolate chip cookies and six brownies and six sugar cookies so there would be choices.

Best wishes and keep us informed as to how things are improving!

Parents can do so much harm with words, or lack thereof, to their children.

How old are you? I'm guessing you're in high school, so maybe 16, 17?

It sucks when the people you rely on the most, don't show you the love you need. Sadly, you can't change people, and that's something you do have to learn.

You're an emotional person, you need praise, you need hugs, you need words of encouragement. It seems that your father, and your brother, aren't the kind of people that are able to give you what you need.

What about your mother? You don't mention how she reacts to your accomplishments.

Bottom line, you're not getting good grades for them, you're doing it for yourself and your future, so don't stop trying hard in school, that won't do anything to change the family dynamic, all it will do is ruin your future, and your future doesn't have to include your parents if you don't want it to.

As for baking. The next time dad says that he expects you to bake, tell him that you'll bake as soon as it's appreciated by everyone you bake for. You don't expect lavish praise (well, maybe you do), but at least a thank you would be nice, and would make you want to continue baking. But harsh words when you spent hours baking for your family, well, that means no more baking.

All people are different. You happen to be a person that needs attention for the things you do, and you need to be acknowledged for the things you do. But your parents aren't those types of people. You have to learn to read between the lines with them, because I'm sure they do love you, they just don't express it the way you want them to.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Smooth, she says she has a mom. So dad is not a single parent.

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I missed that somehow. But the general point I was trying to get across still holds, being a parent is a tough job. Just a little be less so when you have both parents there. He probably isn't being forthcoming with what stresses he is dealing with, and unfortunately, its easy to take the little things for granted when you are dealing with a lot of stress, be it making ends meet, overbearing boss, tough deadlines at work, etc.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I missed that somehow. But the general point I was trying to get across still holds, being a parent is a tough job. Just a little be less so when you have both parents there. He probably isn't being forthcoming with what stresses he is dealing with, and unfortunately, its easy to take the little things for granted when you are dealing with a lot of stress, be it making ends meet, overbearing boss, tough deadlines at work, etc.

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You know smooth, the dad probably has old fashioned ideals. Times were tough so you had to have your kids tough too. And he is probably not moving on with the times and still stuck back when he was growing up with his dad. It happens unfortunately even now.

:)