Really confused I'm 30 she is 28
Me and my ex have been together for 8 years. We have a great relationship never really argue,fight and both pretty open and honest with each other. I have a daughter maybe with another women from 9 yrs ago. I have never seen this child. In the midst of going to court for a paternity test. Last year we broke up for 6 weeks because I didn't see my daughter tried finding this other women but to no avail. We ended up back together and rented a new place to live last July. I have found baby's mom now and am in the midst of the paternity test and stuff. Now my ex leaves me in February saying gshe can't handle that I don't see my daughter. But for the last 6 weeks she has been coming over to watch TV we go out on dates out for dinner and all that stuff . During this time she was telling gme that she loved me. Then last week she said Ithink our time has past and I think we should just be friends. I don't know if I have the spark anymore and don't know what to do to get it back. Then called the next night crying saying what I did on our date was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and she loves me but doesn't know how to get the spark back. She told me she was preparing for this for the past few months? She in a sense broke up with me over the phone? What is that did I not deserve at least a face to face?
Now the rumours start to fly one of her relatives was over and told me that her brother is running around saying I treated her like and never did anything for her! Which I know is BS so does she. So I called her and asked if we could talk she came by and I said you have to be honest with me even if it hurts tell me why you are doing this. She says I'm not close enoughto her family WHOOOOOO hold on there I'm more closer to her family then my own family and she knows that after we talked she said yes you probably are. Then said she wished I did something bad to her like yell at her or something so that this would be easier for her to deal with she said she doesn't know if she will wake up one morning and realise what she's lost then drops me off at my house and says she loves me
I don't know what to think my mind is all over the place just know that I love her and want to be with her. We have all the same friends and then today I get told that MY FRIEND is having a surprise birthday party being held by his girlfriend and I'm not invited and she is like why does he want to see her who knows? Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated need to know what other people think about this? Everything in here is the truth no need to lie would like any opions from people on what I should do? Thanks if you need to know more just ask I got no reason to lie don't understand why she would in a sense lead me on if she knew all along?

motherload, it does appear that you are upset. I found it a bit difficult to follow your post. It is very hard to tell someone what we think when we don't know the players. Frankly, her responses seem very strange and not very truthful. It sounds like she doesn't want to be the bad guy here. She wants you to get angry with her so that she will have a reason to back away. Rather childish if you ask me.

What I would suggest is that you start the "no contact" rule. You both need to sort out what you want. As long as you are in contact with her, you will continue to be confused and hurt. As long as she is in contact with you, she will keep up this back and forth confusion she seems to be in. If you don't talk to her for a while, she may just wake up and realize that she misses you and that she needs to try to work on the problem with you. If you don't talk for a while it will also give you a chance to clear your head. When we are too close to a situation, our emotions tend to cloud our judgement.

Does this make sense to you?

Yes it does but still very hard. Every other person I talk to says she has found someone else. That's the only reason she would do this! I don't think that just because I thought I knew her and she doesn't seem like the type.Who knows just don't want to push her away even more tehn she already is. But also realise that being apart for so long might not help the situaton either. Just really confused tx for your response

I am sorry that you are so confused and hurt. Relationships are never easy. They always require work. Since you have been together for so long, it makes it that much harder. If your friends are telling you that she has found someone else, maybe you need to ask her if she has met someone else to find out what is really going on with her.

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Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

I am sorry that you are so confused and hurt. Relationships are never easy. They always require work. Since you have been together for so long, it makes it that much harder. If your friends are telling you that she has found someone else, maybe you need to ask her if she has met someone else to find out what is really going on with her.

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I have asked her and she says she's not interested in anyone and won't be for awhile. I really truly believe her because she's not like that at all. She couldent of conned me for 8 years could she? That's one thing that makes me feel a little better about what's going on is that I do trust her and don't think she would do that to me. So it could be she just needs some space at the moment to figure things out for herself and for me to do the same. But just don't want to lose her during that time. If that makes any sense tx

Makes a lot of sense. But, if you love her, you need to give her space. It may work itself out, it may not. Unfortunately, if you keep pushing her, you will guarantee that you will lose her for good.

When two people who have been together for quite awhile, it is helpful to set terms for this space, or break. That way you both know that either you try to work it out after a reasonable time, or walk away. A time limit or some sort of an agreement is in order. If not, my advice would be to move on, and get a life you enjoy without her.

This woman is probably confused herself. She's doesn't want to be alone, but doesn't know if she wants to be with you.

I would suggest that you be clear with her about what it means to be "just friends" and what "being together" means. Frankly, if after 8 years this relationship is not leading to something permanent, it's been nothing more than a fun ride and it is time for both of you to move on.