Hello everybody,

I'm very new to this site and this is my first post.

I've been searching for a rational answer to my question below for a very long time, but unfortunately I haven't been able to find a convincing one up to moment. I hope that someone could help me here.

Okay, my question (or to put it in a better way, my "problem") is:
- I strongly believe in the law of Karma; the law of cause & effect in the interpersonal relationships; (but I don't have any belief in reincarnation).

- I'm a successful 27 year old male, but have been suffering from low self-esteem, and very poor self image & self-concept since early childhood.

- I always have the feeling that I must suffer this low self-esteem. That this is what I really deserve! I don't deserve to like myself. I feel that it's my karma, so I shouldn't be complaining for not respecting myself!
I have a very good job and I earn very well, I have a fine built and I look almost good, but, I am not able go to the mirror and say "Hey, I like you, you're attractive, you're a loveable person, etc". I know many people around me who earn less, don't look as good as me, but feel comfortable with themselves. I tell myself, that's because they haven't made the mistakes I've made in my life, God has rewarded their righteous deeds with a rich and healthy self concept and self image. If I'm suffering from a low self-esteem, it's because I've made too many big mistakes in life. It's because of bullying at school, it's because of breaking the heart of my girl friends, it's because of annoying my parents, and so many other bad things which I've done to so many people in the past 27 years.. .
As I said I strongly believe in the law of karma. And I believe that my poor self image is some sort of a punishment. The Lord hasn't taken my health or my money, instead he has taken my self-respect from me!

What should I do now? Concerning my belief in Karma, how can I increase my self-esteem? How I can love myself? How I can start enjoying who I am? How can I be happy with myself? How can I have a beautiful self-image and self concept?
(Please don't tell me to buy gifts for myself and to go to the mirror everyday and say affirmations and etc, I don't believe in these technics).

I'd be so grateful if anyone could help... Your wise advices would highly be appreciated.

Thank you very much in advance,

Something from your past has caused you to feel that you are not worthy. You go back into your past and relive the old memories like they were old movies with you as the leading man. These movies play over and over in your head, creating your reality now. When you are not living in the past, you are worrying about the future. You think the future will be as bad as your past. All the while, you miss the most important thing in your life. Now. Now is where you really are but you don't stay in the now for long. Oscilating back and forth from the past to the future while all of your thoughts are centered around the illusion of yesterday and tomorrow. The past is no longer where you are, it is GONE. You have not entered the future yet, it doesn't exist, another illusion. Just another movie. Stop for a minute, look around yourself and focus on yourself. Then, just ask yourself, "What is my biggest problem that faces me right NOW?" Wait for the answer.

Dear Magprob,

First of all I would like to thank you for caring and posting a reply.

I know what you mean by living in the past/future and neglecting the present. Although its not that easy, I can start practising your council; but I doubt it would make me feel that the negative karmas of my past deeds have been erased, make me feel more loveable, attractive and respectable, or increase my self-esteem and self-worth.

Anyhow, thanks for replying. I would appreciate absolutely any comments and hints. I'm really down on my knees...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rainbow Voice

If I'm suffering from a low self-esteem, it's because I've made too many big mistakes in life. It's because of bullying at school, it's because of breaking the heart of my girl friends, it's because of annoying my parents, and so many other bad things which I've done to so many people in the past 27 years ... .
As I said I strongly believe in the law of karma. And I believe that my poor self image is some sort of a punishment. The Lord hasn't taken my health or my money, instead he has taken my self-respect from me!

---

On a positive note, I applaud you for not blaming others for your poor self-image. On the downside, you're blaming yourself and God. What you need to do is get beyond blame altogether. If you really have been an aszhole to others, you might start by apologizing to as many of them as you can, and where possible make amends in some way for your bad behavior. According to the Lord's Prayer, forgiveness is something that you give and get in equal measure, so if you need more of it (which you do), give more of it. In your case, it's a little different than the usual situation where you feel wronged by others and need to forgive them. You feel that you have wronged others, so you need forgiveness from them, and from yourself. In some ways forgiving others' failings is easier than forgiving yourself. The law of karma doesn't preclude forgiveness; it is forgiveness that puts weight on the other side of the wheel, slowing down and eventually reversing the momentum of bad choices and misunderstandings.

I suspect that there are some childhood issues that you need to recognize and deal with, and some form of counselling or therapy might help you to get to the root of it. Your patterns of negative thought and behavior are apparently long-established, so it will take some time and persistence on your part to unlearn these destructive habits. I wish you all the best in your journey to healthy self-respect and acceptance of the new person you are becoming.

Dear OrdinaryGuy,

Much thanks for your wise advice!

Well the fact is that I don't even blame God for my low self-esteem and negative self-concept. The one and only person whom I blame is me myself! I believe God is not responsible for it, nor anybody else. According to my beliefs, God has just established the law of Karma in the world, I don't think that he's cruel or mean. I believe that If I reap evil (of any kind: poverty, illness, misery, low self-respect & poor self-image, etc) it's my fault, not God's. That has been merely the reactions of my own actions!

Dear OrdinaryGuy your answer gave me a lot of insight on how to resolve the negative portions of my self-image by concerning the law of Karma. In fact you answered 50% of my question. Well although it's really hard to go and meet an ex-gf and say "I'm sorry for cheating" or "I'm sorry for saying I love you just to have sex with you", your hard prescriptions did sound reasonable and rational to me.
Now my question for the other 50% is: After doing the things you said (or even parallel to them), how can I add and create some positive portions to my self-concept & self-image by concerning the Karma law?

Thanks a lot again,

Good

Hi,

I also believe in Karma, but because your feelings of low self-image have been rooted from your childhood, I think it has nothing to do with Karma but rather what you have been through, i.e.. Not what you have or haven't done.

I believe that you decide how much or little you love yourself, Karma does not decide on how you see yourself.

You need to put what you have done, good or bad aside, and concentrate on building your self-esteem, be it through talking to a counselor or through reading self-help books.

Whatever it takes, you need to believe that you probably hurt people or did bad things as you said because you had/have low self-esteem and not that you have low self-esteem because of what you have done in the past (ie. Karma).

You deserve to have a high self-image. Concentrate on accepting and loving yourself for who you are. Find out who you are and what you would like to improve about yourelf inside.

If you carry on having a low self-image it would effect your Karma negatively because if you don't love yourself you are more likely to hurt other people because you can't love others before you accept yourself.

Good luck! Its easier said than done, I'm in the same position, low self-image, but I'm working on it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rainbow Voice

I believe that If I reap evil (of any kind: poverty, illness, misery, low self-respect & poor self-image, etc) it's my fault, not God's. That has been merely the reactions of my own actions!

---

I don't believe that every bad thing that happens to us is caused by something bad we have done. Some of them are just due to the random hazards of life in the material world. Still, being a selfish jerk has consequences that can't all be escaped. The first step to a better self-image is don't be a jerk from now on. The second is to make amends where possible for being a jerk in the past.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rainbow Voice

Now my question for the other 50% is: After doing the things you said (or even parallel to them), how can I add and create some positive portions to my self-concept & self-image by concerning the Karma law?

---

The third step is to replace habitual negative patterns with positive ones. Learn generosity, kindness, tolerance, forgiveness, helpfulness, and trustworthiness. Be a mentor, be a friend, smile at someone who needs it, give compliments for good work or beautiful creations, support artists and musicians by buying their work and telling them how much you appreciate it, read good books, do volunteer work, visit the sick, honor your commitments,. stuff like that, you get the idea. You may be surprised how easy it gets with a little practice.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DragonFire

You deserve to have a high self-image. Concentrate on accepting and loving yourself for who you are. Find out who you are and what you would like to improve about yourelf inside.

---

How do I deserve to feel to good about myself when I know how bad I've been to others? A jerk deserves the sense of embarrassment and shame rather than self-esteem and self-worth!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DragonFire

Good luck! Its easier said than done, I'm in the same position, low self-image, but I'm working on it.

---

Good luck for you too my friend. I wish both of us get rid of our poor self-images at some day and enjoy the pleasure of true self-esteem and self-respect. As OrdinaryGuy wished for me, I wish that sometime in the future we both realise that we've became a new person... someone we will really love, respect, and enjoy!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

I don't believe that every bad thing that happens to us is caused by something bad we have done. Some of them are just due to the random hazards of life in the material world. Still, being a selfish jerk has consequences that can't all be escaped. The first step to a better self-image is don't be a jerk from now on. The second is to make amends where possible for being a jerk in the past.


The third step is to replace habitual negative patterns with positive ones. Learn generosity, kindness, tolerance, forgiveness, helpfulness, and trustworthiness. Be a mentor, be a friend, smile at someone who needs it, give compliments for good work or beautiful creations, support artists and musicians by buying their work and telling them how much you appreciate it, read good books, do volunteer work, visit the sick, honor your committments,...stuff like that, you get the idea. You may be surprised how easy it gets with a little practice.

---

A big thank you is all I can say! Thank you very much indeed... thank you! You really helped OrdinaryGuy!

[QUOTE=Rainbow Voice]How do I deserve to feel to good about myself when I know how bad I've been to others? A jerk deserves the sense of embarrassment and shame rather than self-esteem and self-worth!

Yes, I agree that a jerk deserves shame, etc but rather than dwell on the negatives you have done others, work on making yourself a better person. Its only from continually working on making yourself a better person will your self-image/self-worth increase. Self-image is often rooted in childhood, and surely children deserve a high self-image.

What I was trying to say was that you are punishing yourself when in fact you are punishing your inner child because this is when all these feelings of low self-esteem started. You need to think back.. why were you a jerk? Was it perhaps because you felt bad about yourself?

You can only stop hurting others if you stop hurting yourself by not loving yourself.

Like ordinaryguy said, start by helping others. Start small.

Maybe you just need to be told YOU WERE A JERK SO YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD but like I said before you will only feel bad for as long as you are meant to do, tis uncontrolable

Hi,

I'm back again; unfortunately haven't been able to resolve the low self-esteem/poor self-image issue in my head yet.

Okay... What do we mean by LOW self-esteem? LOW relative to what? LOW comparing to what?

A 175cm tall male would may be considered tall in China, but short in Norway. 30 centigrade Celsius might be considered cold in one land, but hot in an other country. Am I right?

So what do we mean by LOW self-esteem or UGLY self-image? Am I right to think that we compare our self-esteem and self-image to others'? Am I right to think that we regard our self-esteems and self-images as LOW and UGLY, relative to the ones of others? We can see others senses of self-esteem and self-worth through their body-language, can't we? And we usually do measure others' sense of self-respect and dignity and compare it to ours, don't we?
Isn't it where the problem come from? (In my case I think it does to some extends).
To put it in a better way, lets set the highest level of self-worth to 100 and the lowest level of self-respect to 0. I believe that there's nobody on earth whose self-esteem is at the level of exact 0 (Well maybe except those who commit suicide). But I assume that even those who are painfully and dreadfully suffering from an extremely low self-esteem (like me for example) do have some small and few positive thoughts and beliefs about themselves. No one's self-concept is by 100% a dark and ugly image. Everybody has at some stages in life done some (even though very small) things to be proud of! Does anybody agree/disagree?
So in my opinion the problem isn't THE LACK of self-esteem, the problem is its LEVEL and GRADE. Have you ever heard anybody complaining "I don't have self-esteem"? I think they (like me myself) say that they're suffering from a LOW self-esteem.

So am I right to say that we suffer from feeling less good about ourselves than the way the people around us feel about themselves? Am I right to say that this is where the sense of discomfort and dissatisfaction comes from? Do you disagree? Yes? Then, have you ever been in a city/party/gathering/picnic/etc that the majority of the people over that place had a sense of self-esteem lower than yours? How did you feel? Do you remember? How about the opposite situation? Where the majority were feeling more proud than you? Do you remember the way you felt? So?

So am I right to think that one of the main causes of unhappiness in life is to be surrounded by people who own a higher self-esteem and self-respect than us? Would a man living alone on an island ever complain from low sense of self-worth or ugly self-concept?

Everybody has a picture of herself or himself in mind and everybody assesses that image in someway. Do you agree that the pain arises when we find people around ourself that their pictures in mind are prettier than ours? (As stated above I think we can measure theirs and compare it to ours via their body-language).

One of my biggest dreams in life is to eventually achieve a beautiful and attractive self-image... Any help and aid from you wise people would be highly appreciated!

Thousands of thanks,

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rainbow Voice

Hi,

I'm back again; unfortunately haven't been able to resolve the low self-esteem/poor self-image issue in my head yet.

---

I suspect that you may be putting too much emphasis on thinking about it and not enough on actually doing things that contribute to a solution. I don't really think it has much to do with comparing your own self-image to your perception of others' self-image. That way lies endless mental entanglements. You can't really know another persons' self-image. You can make inferences, some of which may be right, but some of which will certainly be wrong.

Just focus on 1) Not being a jerk; 2) Making amends for past jerky-ness; and 3) Being kind and helpful to others. If you fill your mind with how to do these things, your self-image will improve, and you won't have to wonder about other people's self-image or how yours compares to it.