Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend dumped saying I am drama

I was with a guy for 3 months and initially things were going good. He used to text and call me in the initial two weeks, but he is someone who doesn't text much and still things between us were good till I had go out of town for 10 days, to sign my divorce papers finally. While I was away he never texted me, and of course when I am going through a tough time of my life I expected his support. I sent emotional texts to which he never responded. He had told that he will come to pick me up at airport, but he didn't come. When I asked about it he said he thought that I need my time. After I came back, I tried hard to meet him but he was always busy.

My insecurity, anxiety and my bad traumatic situation caused me to send him more texts. He met me finally and he sad he is always busy and that he would give more time when he moves to anew place. So basically, after I came back, he met me once in a month without any calls, though he replies to my texts if I ask something. He says he is like that with everyone. In between I started talking to his best friend in the hope that he will help in making things better.

One day I got so frustrated and send my boyfriend a text saying if this I how things are moving forward then there is no point. He replied saying k that's better and dumped me. He also said he has too many things to worry about and can't do this. I went behind him pleading and texted and called which annoyed him. I finally stopped it and decided to give him his space.

After 3 days I went out with his friend for a party and I explained him how badly I wanted my boyfriend back. HE said he will help me. But he was playing a game behind my back and I came to know that when I happened to read a chat between him and his brother where he thinks he can break me up with my boyfriend and take advantage of my vulnerability.

I immediately tried to talk to my boyfriend about all these and he didn't want to listen and blocked me because I was continuously calling him. He texted next day saying am too much of drama to handle and not to bother him again. I probably have annoyed him but that was because he never had time for me. Is there any way he comes back if I give him his space? I am so devastated and depressed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roserose24

I was with a guy for 3 months and initially things were going good. He used to text and call me in the initial two weeks, but he is someone who doesn't text much and still things between us were good till I had go out of town for 10 days, to sign my divorce papers finally. While I was away he never texted me, and of course when I am going through a tough time of my life I expected his support. I sent emotional texts to which he never responded. He had told that he will come to pick me up at airport, but he didn't come. When I asked about it he said he thought that I need my time. After I came back, I tried hard to meet him but he was always busy. My insecurity, anxiety and my bad traumatic situation caused me to send him more texts. He met me finally and he sad he is always busy and that he would give more time when he moves to anew place. So basically, after I came back, he met me once in a month without any calls, though he replies to my texts if I ask something. He says he is like that with everyone. In between I started talking to his best friend in the hope that he will help in making things better.One day I got so frustrated and send my boyfriend a text saying if this I how things are moving forward then there is no point. He replied saying k that's better and dumped me. He also said he has too many things to worry about and can't do this. I went behind him pleading and texted and called which annoyed him. I finally stopped it and decided t give him his space. After 3 days I went out with his friend for a party and I explained him how badly I wanted my boyfriend bak. HE said he will help me. But he was playing a game behind my back and I came to know that when I happened to read a chat between him and his brther where he thinks he can break me up with my boyfriend and take advantage of my vulnerability. I immediately tried to talk to my boyfriend about all these and he didn't want to listen and blocked me because I was continuously calling him. He texted next day saying am too much of drama to handle and not to bother him again. I probably have annoyed him but that was because he never had time for me. Is there any way he comes back if I give him his space? I am so devastated and depressed.

I think he might be right.

Look, you have only been together 3 months by your own words... you barely know each other and yet you are going off like you spent the last 10+ years together. Then you crossed lines dragging his friends into this... again. You have only been together 3 months by your own words.

And to top everything off you admit to almost continuously hounding him after he said he didn't WANT to talk. Seriously.. did you honestly think he would find that endearing? Most people would go running for the hills at that point... man OR woman.

I see some seriously scary obsessive behavior here.

Maybe what you need is alone time to get your emotions and life back in order. Again... all this after ONLY 3 months together?

Sorry to be so harsh... but yeah... I think you are a drama queen. Try this... pretend (you may not HAVE to pretend if you have been through this before) you have a guy you barely know almost obsessively hounding you and inserting themselves into every part of their life they can and getting upset you weren't enthusiastic about it. This is getting dangerously close to being stalking. Trust me... you don't want to go there. Consider this beginning relationship over, ruined, kaput... take some ME time alone to reflect back upon this and see where you went wrong.

I think you will see the point I am trying to make after some time alone... might be weeks, might be months... but you will in time.

Trust me... been where he was once before... tried to be nice... she didn't get the message... SOMEHOW weeks later she managed to find out where I lived somehow... And I had never told her.

That wasn't a time I remember fondly.

When someone decides they don't want to be with the other person... the more that person keeps pushing the further they push the other person away. I don't doubt it hurts for you... but you need to walk away.

I am a woman and even I find all of this really obsessive and depressing and creepy.

And you glossed right over the part about him finding a new place, good grief! You are definitely all about yourself. Saying that insecurity etc CAUSED you to text him more, you reveal that you think of yourself as a victim. You are capable of controlling your behavior but don't want to. And so you lose the guy... relationships are tons of compromise. Tons and tons and tons. And talking about compromise on the part of each person, so that one isn't demanding more compromise than the other. Constant negotiation. (And that's the number one ingredient of love.)

Sorry, but I doubt he comes back and you should have dropped him when he didn't keep his word to pick you up at the airport. That makes him a liar in my book, and unreliable, but in no way excuse your over the top needy, stalkerish, disruptive behavior at all. Not after 3 months or 3 years and he is right, YOU need the space sort your own head out, and get over this time in your life as clearly you are way out of control.

Clearly you need a friend, but he ain't it nor should you expect him or any of his friends to be in the future. I hope you get it together for your own sake, and drop the drama. It's a relationship killer, as you see.

Good luck.

When he ignored you while you were gone and didn't pick you up from the airport, that should have told you that your 3 month relationship was over.
You went way over the top with the texting and calling and bringing his friend into this.
He does not want to be with you. Leave him alone.

You were drama, you were obsessive and you were as said, really creepy, I would not have even stayed 3 months. He must have really liked you, to have stayed that long.

No, there is almost no second chance from all of this, Your best thing is to stop sending him any messages and just consider moving on.
And getting counseling for your insure behavior

Heal from your divorce. Focus on your work, education, family, and friends. It sounds, by your own admission, that you are not in a good place for maintaining a healthy relationship right now. That time will come... now is the time to get stronger, wiser, and rebuild your confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem. That comes from in you, not from others. I wish you well.

Hi!

I would like to start by saying that I don't think you're emotionally ready for a relationship after your divorce. I will explain this as we go through your post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roserose24

I was with a guy for 3 months and initially things were going good. He used to text and call me in the initial two weeks, but he is someone who doesn't text much and still things between us were good till I had go out of town for 10 days, to sign my divorce papers finally. While I was away he never texted me, and of course when I am going through a tough time of my life I expected his support. I sent emotional texts to which he never responded. He had told that he will come to pick me up at airport, but he didn't come. When I asked about it he said he thought that I need my time. After I came back, I tried hard to meet him but he was always busy.

My insecurity, anxiety and my bad traumatic situation caused me to send him more texts. He met me finally and he sad he is always busy and that he would give more time when he moves to anew place. So basically, after I came back, he met me once in a month without any calls, though he replies to my texts if I ask something. He says he is like that with everyone. In between I started talking to his best friend in the hope that he will help in making things better.

What have you done to deal with your trauma, anxiety, and insecurities? You know about them and acknowledge them. You're a few steps into deal with them, but what else have you done? I am guessing from the tone of your post here that you've done nothing and are expecting people to cater to your issues. That is incredibly selfish on your part as well as stunting your growth as a adult in this modern world.

Due to the above issues you've gone from zero to EXTREMELY needy in three months. It looks like you need to be in contact and talking with him at ALL points. You're defining yourself as a partner and a dependent and not as an independent human being. Your self-image and self-esteem are based now on this person and not on yourself. This is a HUGE issue for you. It will lead to more trauma and anxiety, as well as insecurities.

You need to grow and accept yourself as yourself, being separate from EVERYONE else. You need to heal and grieve for your past marriage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roserose24

One day I got so frustrated and send my boyfriend a text saying if this I how things are moving forward then there is no point. He replied saying k that's better and dumped me. He also said he has too many things to worry about and can't do this. I went behind him pleading and texted and called which annoyed him. I finally stopped it and decided to give him his space.

After 3 days I went out with his friend for a party and I explained him how badly I wanted my boyfriend back. HE said he will help me. But he was playing a game behind my back and I came to know that when I happened to read a chat between him and his brother where he thinks he can break me up with my boyfriend and take advantage of my vulnerability.

You throw him away because he's not meeting your emotional needs, and then want him back? You will just get frustrated with him again and throw him away again. Seriously, you said "if you can't keep talking to me, then we're done. BUT WAIT I WANT YOU BACK. You're flip flopping because you haven't figured out what you want and what you need, because of this you're damaging yourself. You need to have someone intimate regardless of how they fit with you. You can't be alone. This is a problem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roserose24

I immediately tried to talk to my boyfriend about all these and he didn't want to listen and blocked me because I was continuously calling him. He texted next day saying am too much of drama to handle and not to bother him again. I probably have annoyed him but that was because he never had time for me. Is there any way he comes back if I give him his space? I am so devastated and depressed.

Let him go. You have screwed the proverbial pooch here. There isn't anything you can do. Because you don't know yourself well enough and that you haven't healed and properly grieved your marriage, you have poisoned any chance of a positive relationship with him. The good news is that it isn't the end of the world, but you have work to do.

You need alone time. No relationships. You need to discover yourself. You need to distance yourself from this fellow. Most importantly, if you can, you need to talk to a counsellor and figure out how to deal with your issues. You need to fix yourself and get yourself into dating territory again. Until you do that you won't have a lastly fulfilling relationship.

Good luck.