I've been with my boyfriend for more than four years, he has never taken me out or bought me anything. I spoke to him about it and he keeps saying he will improve but nothing is happening. I love the sex but it doesn't look like this relationship is going anywhere, I don't want to lose him but at the same time I'm worried if he really loves me.

He loves the sex as do you, so you have that in common, but after 4 years I guess you got as good as he will give. I am amazed you put up with it for 4 years though, as many would not.

Why do you?

4 years and you've never been out or received a gift? You're being used. If that's enough for you, then stay. If you want more from a relationship, find someone who treats you better.

This is just something for you to think about in making your decisions for the future. If you stay or if you leave, take heed of the lessons you are learning about working with another person to build a mutually satisfying relationship.

When you have discussed this with him has he given any reasons for not taking you out or bought you anything? What is your definition of "going out"? Going to see a movie? Sitting in the park watching the clouds? What do you expect him to buy? Gifts? Food? Has he ever given you gifts that were homemade or that you, at the time, didn't consider a gift?

Have you taken him out or bought him things as a way of showing him how you want to be treated?

Do you spend time together without having sex? Cuddling while watching a movie? Talking about anything and everything? Talking about where you see the relationship going?

I will note that you haven't said how old you both are or what your financial situations are or even if you have different expectations on what a date is. (Does he like to stay home while you prefer leaving the house?) Because individuals have different opinions on gifts and going out, it is something that should be discussed and an compromise found. If you have tried to work together on finding a compromise (not just you telling him you want him to take you out or asking for gifts) and he still considers taking you to the bedroom "going out" then it isn't a relationship. You need to decide why you are still in it.

Do you love him or do you stay with him because you are used to him being around?

Sounds like a great sex partner, now you need a boyfriend. This guy is not a boyfriend. If you do not go out on a date, you are not "dating"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Sounds like a great sex partner, now you need a boyfriend. This guy is not a boyfriend. If you do not go out on a date, you are not "dating"

---

Yes indeed!

He won't miss the water til the well runs dry.

Tell him straight out how you feel - not so much about gifts and going places as about the FUTURE together. It might be a stereotype to say that women think in terms of their clocks ticking, but sometimes stereotypes are just plain reasonable. After 4 years of a sexual relationship between 2 young people (you are young?), it's reasonable to be well on your way to some deep discussions about how you feel about children, spending, homes, places, relatives, customs, wishes and hopes.

If he balks, ignores you, mumbles vague promises, or otherwise just won't sit down for a really long talk, then you need to be prepared for how you will withdraw. Anything from "I need a break to decide my next course of action" to "Goodbye, I want more out of life." Whatever you say, MEAN IT, and don't fall for sweet talk. And that means NO SEX.

If I'm way off base and all you care about are gifts and restaurants, my apologies.