So I'm 25 back in (college) school working towards my career, and I met a women she's 26, I might be rushing a bit here but I have only known her for 3 weeks now, and she and I are going to be together for the next 2 years approx if everything school wise goes well. I was instantly attracted to her not just her appearance but also here maturity her hunger for more then she has and to advance herself, and I also love the accent she has. How ever this is my issue.

Usually when I am into a girl I take my time to get to know them, and by the time I've figured out if I really want to pursue them, I have either ended up in the infamous friend zone, or found out she has a boyfriend.

I'm getting tired of wasting my time, however with this girl, she and I will be in the same program for the next 2 year and I don't want to mess anything up before it even begins, ( as in me asking her out she rejecting me, then its basically awkward forever) I'm not sure if I should just jump the gun and ask her out or wait it out a bit, get to know her and slowly make 1 on 1 arrangements or maybe after we both pass this first semester, in 3 months

My track record is not the best... so I kind of want this one to work out.
And of course I know there is know grantee, but its life right
Thanks for the advice.

By the way I'm African and she is polish, even though I really do not think it should matter

Way overthinking this.

First what do you do, in past, to stay in friend zone, You do not declare your love in a few weeks, you could ask her out, but use the dating, to find out all about her. But do not make it move so fast, keep lest physical and more dating.

But if you break up, then you will know it for those years.

The thing to change about your approach is stop being afraid of rejection, or the friend zone, and above all the fear of things getting awkward. Have some confidence and introduce yourself. Say hi and go from there.

What are you shy or something?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Way overthinking this.

First what do you do, in past, to stay in friend zone, You do not declare your love in a few weeks, you could ask her out, but use the dating, to find out all about her. But do not make it move so fast, keep lest physical and more dating.

But if you break up, then you will know it for those years.

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Well I've been told I'm very nice, possible too nice especially to the girls I'm into, in the past I have even dropped whatever I was doing to help a girl I was into, realistically it never effected me in negative way like me missing work... but I found myself doing anything possible just to be of help to them and eventually I guess, they see me less and less as a men and more as a girlfriend of some sort... (prob a bit of exaggeration there)

I usually end up not declaring my attraction at all to most of the girls I've been attracted to.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

The thing to change about your approach is stop being afraid of rejection, or the friend zone, and above all the fear of things getting awkward. Have some confidence and introduce yourself. Say hi and go from there.

What are you shy or something?

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I'm not too afraid of being rejected, more like tired of it, not sure about that friend zone though... awkwardness all depends on how bad it is or how she reacts but I've had many awkward experiences and I'm not too worried about that.

I have spoken to her we are in the same group so I used that to get to know her, she also has my number and I have hers, however I received it because as a group we all need to communicate with each other. We have had a few conversations not pertaining to school, about her background, and small talk here and there however I not sure how to precede from here.
At the moment I can say were are either friends or just becoming more like friends.

Yeah I know I'm thinking way too much into this, and that the worst part I think about it too much and can't act.

yes i used to be very shy however ive been changing that over time, i talk with many females attractive or not, however its that ones that im attracted to that cause me to lose my self.

My approach has always been to inquire sooner rather than later if she wants to hang out or date. Why limit yourself to just one attraction when there are probably MANY other possibilities to explore? Dating is spontaneous and free while a relationship takes MANY dates to develop.

Tired of rejection? That sure limits your options and opportunities to explore and experiment in my book. Perhaps you invest too much time working up to asking someone out, and even more recovering from a rejection. What a drag.

You're in college! There has to be a million females to be attracted too. Look around you buddy. Being so stuck on ONE makes no sense to me.

Take your time and get to know her, let her get to know you. You'll soon know if there is an attraction on her side. In the meantime, get to know other girls as well.

From a woman's perspective.

You our are setting yourself up for rejection by being too available. Believe it or not, it comes across as being needy even if you are just trying to be helpful and available. As a woman myself, it comes across as smothering.

3 weeks is WAY too early to try to develop any form of relationship, even friendship.

You are in the same program for 2 years, yet you've only known her for 3 weeks. Slow down!

Relationships are developed in levels. The first level is that of the acquaintance, that is where you are now. Talk to her when time allows. When you exchange numbers, don't expect texts morning, noon, and night. For now, keep it light, casual conversation. We like men who are not only available, but also unavailable as it shows us that you have other friends who are just as important to you.

I think men tend to think more concretely than women do - a right time, a right place, the right thing to say. Nope!

Life is infinite variables. Her willingness to date you (and when) depends on so many little things that we could sit here typing for 3 months without stopping.
To my mind, the solution is to not have a dividing line between what is a date and what is just 'doing something together.'
I'd say that the least date-like event would be a) daytime b) when you happen to be in the same room c) totally spontaneous d) a request to go somewhere NOW e) to do something of short duration.
Walk, coffee, ice cream, tea, talk on the way to the library, help picking out a gift for your mother.
Not a date, but SOOOOO helpful, because she instantly and painlessly knows that doing something alone (in public) with just her means that you could have dating on your mind.


I wonder if your tendency to find out too late that a woman has a boyfriend means that you spend too much time talking superficially, PLUS maybe too much about yourself.
There's a fine line between being too personal with someone, and just being interested in where they are in their plans for life, what growing up was like, all sorts of little questions that aren't prying, just showing you are interested.
And there's no need to be so super casual about a woman that your eyes and smile don't light up the room when you see her, or you miss out on the chance to say you are really glad to see her, or that talking with her is the best time you've had in years.

Way,way over thinking this. Relationships need to happen naturally, not mechanically. If you ask her out and she says no, you both move forward without looking back. Same thing if she says yes and it doesn't work out well. Don't be afraid of life's awkward moments because they are all learning experiences.

I was married to a Polish girl once. Best pierogies I've ever had.

Thank you everyone ill all the advice here into consideration and try to apply them, ill be back with and update if it goes any where.

Again thanks a lot.