So I am going ve turning 27 soon, and I have finally gotten the freedom to start meeting people, form relationships and hopefully make a family. I work in security and I have been in the militarymost of my life, and my hobbies have never brought me close to women. Or at least single women.

I am a rather dry guy to be around, I know what I want and I can be rather intimidating to women. I am not that fun guy, the life of the party, or what have you. I lack wit and charm. However I do find women from time to time, but at my age I quickly figure out why they are single at my age.
Allow me to explain, now I have noticed that an overwhelming majority of single women at my age either have kids, and/or are overweight. Which automatically takes 90% of the dating pool here in the US out of my range of acceptance. I mean I might consider or rare occasions the single mom who has here stuff together at my age, but I have yet to find one, everyone who I run across in the dating scene has an agenda to get someone to take care of their kid. The next 5% are just not my type, and/or have some mental umbalance. The final 5% are going after the extremely large amout of men looking for the same thing I am. The men who are fn, charming and witty, and might be a little bit more attractive. I have also lost two girlfriends because they decided to trade up. Mostly because I refuse to spend my hard earned money on frivious endeavors in the pursuit of temporary amusments. I already got that out of my system when I was younger.

Now I do get a lot of older women, late 30s early 40s, coming my way, because they got tired of the frivilous losers they dated at my age. I am just not going to be the fall back guy for their mistakes, they see my plight as clear as day and they pounce on me at every opportunity. I just can't do it.

So what is left for me, what do I do, where do I find these "freaks" of nature that I am looking for so desperately.

Negative much? Wow that has to be the most negative thing I’ve read all year thus far. You describe what makes you you as all negative. You’re not the fun guy, the witty guy, the whatever guy… So what. Whatever makes up you is what you are, it’s what you offer people about you, and it’s who they will choose to accept or not accept.

It seems to me that you have a ton of preconceived images and make ups of women that are only interested in you. None other than the ones mentioned here will be interested in you, according to you. If they are then they will eventually trade up. Again, this is part of you being negative but I don’t think it’s the best approach when it comes to dating. Take the pressure off, let it happen naturally, and accept that someone out of your comfort zone may be interested in you at some point. Tear down the wall and let it happen.

I didn’t meet the love of my life until I was in my 30s. This person was way out of my league, however, we started dating and will be celebrating our year anniversary of being married next month. Let it happen.

Ok you see me as negative and that might be an issue. However, I just see myself as realisitc, I have always been a grounded individual with a goal. I am intelligent, frugal, when it comes to doing things for my leisure time I am spontaneous and I never make a plan or have expectations. I know, I am not fun or witty, I have a morbid/dark and dry sense of humor. I hold dearly a high regard for quality and class. You seem to confuse my acknowldgement that I am not these desiarable traits ans something that I long for. I don't want to be witty, or fun and outgoing, I want to be me.

I have never been in the dating scene my whole life, I am just starting and I can't stand small talk, it frustrates me that it has not ultimate purpose. I am a guy who changes things, not just talk about them, it is the most grandiose exercise in being "fake" I have ever seen. Don't get me started on social media and all the girls my age running around with their cell phones attached to sticks taking pictures of themselves. This is how I know I am not "fun".

Girls my age don't want to have a serious guy around that enjoys the diner things in life in a modest amount. The second problem I have is, that I cannot maintain my high standards for two people and plan for the future. When I get the chance to have a nice dinner and a great bottle of wine, if I had to do it for two people I could not afford it. If I wanted to stay at that nice hotel and have the private tours that I enjoy so much, she would have to pay for herself. This is the trade of I have to make, if I want to do the things I enjoy I have to do them alone. The girls my age don't have their lives together, and thr ones that do are taken, or as I said overweight, which is something I will never compromise on. How do I enjoy my cake without having to give it away and watch someone else eat it, just so I won't be alone.

I knew you would throw the term “realistic” back at me. What I am saying is that the terms that you define as you are just you. You are listing them like they are the most negative thing in the world, that you must be the most undesirable troll which no woman will ever want. And be honest with yourself – you haven’t met all the girls that are in your age range. The person I married is an engineer which means very pragmatic and very frugal and on the Paleo diet while I love all food. We are total opposites in a ton of ways and this person never thought of marrying a person like me. Trust me on that one. But it did happen and it’s all wonderful. So give yourself a break, fine if you don’t want a large person, and let it happen. And we totally agree on the social media crap, what a waste of time.

Try some online dating, then you can screen profiles, and they can screen YOURS!

WOW, 27? I would have guessed 18. "Allow me to explain, now I have noticed that an overwhelming majority of single women at my age either have kids, and/or are overweight. Which automatically takes 90% of the dating pool here in the US out of my range of acceptance". "How do I enjoy my cake without having to give it away and watch someone else eat it, just so I won't be alone". Add the other 10% you note and you can never find anyone. Yes, you are negative and apparently quite vain. With an outlook like this, you may be lonely for a while.

Maybe you don't attract the right girl because you put out negative vibes. With your attitude you will not attract very few females.

Dude... speaking as a guy.

There is no problem having standards... BUT you have to understand, the higher those standards are. The narrower your field of prospects are. And the older you get... the MORE likely you are to accept the fact they have kids or prior marriages. That's life... they went on with theirs at an earlier age than you, and for one reason or another things didn't work out for them.

Meaning by 27 your field of skinny unmarried virgins (without serious personal issues) gets smaller by the day. Otherwise you learn you have to compromise and relax those standards you expect.

And keep in mind... you won't be the only person that has standards... they will too, that further reduces your field of available women.

Factor in negativity is a huge turn off for most people... and eventually you find the field has narrowed to a single Blind Inuit woman living in an Igloo in the Northern Territories in Canada. Who has no phone, internet or access to social media so you won't get to meet her.

Physical beauty is nice to have...agreed. But for most people it does fade with age....and you better have someone with a great personality too when that happens.

Problem is great personalities don't always go with great beauty. Sure a few have both....most don't. That divorced woman with 2.5 kids that you have been discounting because she needs to lose 30 pounds might be a real charmer and catch...if you gave her half a chance.

And don't be a sucker for those internet romance scams from Africa or Thailand. Or you will end up poor and alone...after they take you for all you are worth.

And Trust me..its not JUST on the internet....in Italy for example...young Romanian women go to Italy...find much older widowed or divorced suckers that fall for their attentions..marry them and either kill them or empty out their bank accounts and dissappear in very short order.

Sounds like he wants a super model, who loves guns and fishing, while sitting around the house never joking and always worry about the upcoming New World order.

Fat, I wonder what you feel is fat? And why is looks even a issue, if you find the right person who has the attitude and likes you do. Lots of girls in military, and even para military groups. Not sure why you can't find any there.

So, go to China, Japan, Thailand, you can find girls from 18 to 30, that are thin, sexy, and have idea of marriage where love has nothing to do with it, but it is more an arrangement. About the third date, you bring out all the money you earn, bills you have and show her parents that you can support the girl. (They will expect you to own a house (they prefer not mortgage) and a car. They only look at the practical for marriage, not all that silly things like love and romance.

***This is not all of them, but there is a good amount. I know many Chinese women who are exactly like that.

I don't know where are this "negativity vibe" is coming from, anyone who actually knows me, knows that isn't true. Here is my issue, I have spent my life working hard and bulding a future so I can enjoy, not the finer things in life, but the finest things in life. Anyone working on a military salary knows how nearly impossible that is, but I have made great sacrifice to do it. As such I enjoy life, alone, I enjoy life. Look, I am not some deperate guy trying to grasp at fictional women. I just want to share this life with someone. I don't have to. If I die alone, I am perfectly content with the life I have lived. Now you might think my posting here is trying to show some sort of disdain for some perceived social injustice brought against me by the female forces of the world. Not in the least. I am just a different person woth different needs. I don't have unreasonable expectations, a healthy woman (a BMI of 20-24), no kids (but like I said I will make exceptions), and no expectation of entitlement. It is that simple, being a healthy weight isn't hard and it doesn't make you a super model in it's own right, or neccisairly "beautiful". I don't care about that. I would make exception for a woman with kids who has their life together, so far the few women I gave the light of day to, turned out to be looking for benefits (which, I will add, becomes a huge problem when you are in the military, due to family benefits). Lastly, Apple Bees isn't a nice restaurant, and no when we eat a Guy Savoy I can't afford your dinner, my dinner, my house and busniess start up fund at the same time, you must have your life together and be able to support yourself, when we settle down we can worry about putting our funds in one pot.I have yet to meet a women my age with a long term savings account, 401k or mutual fund. Much older wome. Chase me with their nest egg of stolen divorce settlements, showing me a life of luxury in return for mitigating their bad life decisions.You say I being negative, I fail to see it, I just don't think a lot of you don't fully grasp how bad it is out here. Either way thank you for your suggestions, and insight I will take it into consideration and find ways to improve. However the few standards I have left I won't throw by the wayside.

I will tell you like I tell everyone looking for that soulmate for life, stop looking and enjoy your own life. Stay away from the meat markets, and have FRIENDS through your own activities. Dating is having fun getting to know each other (In my book), and not some interview for a life partner.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny or tall. 18 -80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

As long as you have those preconditions you will always be looking and judging, and there is very little joy in that as you are finding out for yourself. I also have to say that if 90% of the females you meet disappoint you, it's more YOU than them, and that's something you may have to wrap your head around and make adjustments to.

If your mind is not open to the possibilities and potentials then you will have few opportunities and options for real fun or romance. So stop looking for a wife and make some friends and if you are happy and enjoying your life then you will attract those that want to share that happiness (Kids or NOT). Boy we didn't even have the social network that you have to explore, and I find it so amusing the youngsters that abuse it, or misuse it and complain how they can't find someone. STOP looking for someONE and enjoy the people that life does put in your life.

You will be okay, when you learn HOW to date and have fun, and who knows, that friend you made might have a friend who has a friend. All I can tell you is I had great fun dating and on a beer budget, and cannot understand why you CANNOT, but if you aren't having fun just being single don't blame anyone but YOURSELF!

You sure you got yourself together and even deserve someone that has their stuff together? I respectfully submit you may have more work to do in the personal areas of your life.

Good Luck with that, I hope my simple rule helps you LEARN how to date and have fun getting to know someone, and stop judging the outward trappings of a persons situation. Just a word on females with kids... a woman whose kids are clean, and respectful who has a clean house, and keeps food on the table has her stuff really TOGETHER.

Ask me how I know!

Do you date? Or when you see a girl do you stack them up against your list of acceptable girl traits and immediately rule them out? Have you met people, male or female, where their inner beauty is just incredible? I get that you have standards and that is fine. You have accepted that and accepted that you might be alone for a really long time. The other extreme are people who have to be in a relationship no matter what. I can’t stand those types of people and I know several. There’s nothing worse (there probably is) than someone who’s self-worth is dependent on being in a relationship. You should consider the inner beauty of someone because outward beauty fades no matter how much we fight father time. And it’s okay to date for fun too. It doesn’t mean the relationship is going anywhere.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Do you date? Or when you see a girl do you stack them up against your list of acceptable girl traits and immediately rule them out? Have you met people, male or female, where their inner beauty is just incredible? I get that you have standards and that is fine. You have accepted that and accepted that you might be alone for a really long time. The other extreme are people who have to be in a relationship no matter what. I can’t stand those types of people and I know several. There’s nothing worse (there probably is) than someone who’s self-worth is dependent on being in a relationship. You should consider the inner beauty of someone because outward beauty fades no matter how much we fight father time. And it’s okay to date for fun too. It doesn’t mean the relationship is going anywhere.

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Literally the only factor I consider when looking at outward appearance is weight. In fact I find some blemishes rather attractive, scars, port wine stains, other birrh marks. Yes I date on occasion, I might find a girl every 6 months or so, everyrhing goes great and then it kind of dies about 2 months in, countless times I have been told I am too serious and I don't have "fun", which is why I said that about myself in the first post. The things I do I think are fun, I enjoy them, most others do not. I never end a relationship it is always them.

Another issue is, I don't pay for anything except myself, which has ended a majority of my potential relationships on the first few dates. I will pay for a dinner when I present the offer, becuae they are my guest. However past that I expect things to be on equal footing. The few single moms I dated I always did things that were extremely low cost, raising kids is expensive and I wantes to show that I could be thoughtful and resposnible at the same time. They wouldent have it, they rush things so fast I have to pay close attention before I end up with a kid of my own. The first one was so emetionally maniputlaive, trying to have sex on the first date, and while I am a sexual guy, it's not a priority for me. Like I said I got all this stuff out of my system when I was younger.

I am utilitarian in my approach to things, there must be some net gain, a purpose, an ultimate goal. Not to say I don't do frivilous things from time to time, but I always make sure I can handle the consequences.

The whole reason I am here is that I am turning 27 soon. The past few weeks I have been thinking about the future, rasing kids, starting my business, buying a house, all that I have been saving for, and protecting it from those with an agenda. It seems when women fogure out I am not the sharing type, as in I won't dip into my savings for first class tickets to Japan, true story by the way. I mean I might save a year to do it myself, but that's 10k minimum for 2 first class tickets. I would say in the past 3 years I have been on 12 dates, and each one has had an agenda, has tried subvertly or overtly to get into my wallet. The only ones who haven't tried are the older ladies, who seem to act the way I wish the women my age would. However, they lived their lifes and are ready to settle down, I am starting mine and I want to kick things into gear and shsre them with someone around my age.

Alas, I am not going to throw myself under the bus in despair. I just, I don't know, want to vent some frustration.

No issue. You just haven’t met your perfect partner and I get that. Not that a partner is perfect since we all have to put up with some anomalies. Your approach is conservative but it matches who you are. I would venture to guess there are a lot of couples who go 50/50 paying for a date. My partner and I did for the longest time. You will do fine out there. I agree with not rushing into a relationship. I say this all the time, but people who start dating are actors for the first several months. It’s only after time do you get to know the real person behind that face.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

No issue. You just haven’t met your perfect partner and I get that. Not that a partner is perfect since we all have to put up with some anomalies. Your approach is conservative but it matches who you are. I would venture to guess there are a lot of couples who go 50/50 paying for a date. My partner and I did for the longest time. You will do fine out there. I agree with not rushing into a relationship. I say this all the time, but people who start dating are actors for the first several months. It’s only after time do you get to know the real person behind that face.

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I have to say, I really don't act when I date, I really try hard to do things the way I would do them when I do them alone. I just share my experince with the other person, include them in my life, create a space for them, as well has showing romantic interest and returning affection in kind. Maybe that's why my relationships are failing in the first few months as you said, they are expecting some change in the first few months, to see the real me, amd they have been looking at it the whole time.

The only thing I do change in the first few months is being more open about sharing my past experiences, my family and feelings. I do these things in a very slow and methodical fashion. Maybe I unload too much of my past off too fast, I have traveled the world and I have plenty of stories to share, perhaps it's overwhelming. Thing is I never get feed back at the end of these relationships, if you can call them that. I move on quickly and it only bothers me in that I have no real reason for why they are ending.

I wouldn't dwell on other people's motives. It just didn't work for them. There is an old saying you kiss a lot of frogs until you find one that turns into a princess (or prince). It's good you can move on to the next adventure, or frog if you will, rather quickly.

Less emotional baggage that way.

You've been answered by all men, except for one. Now a woman's viewpoint.

Harshness warning!!!!

We we want to be treated like queens, in turn, the right woman will reciprocate and treat her man like a king.

We don't want to go galavanting around the world or dine at 5-star restaurants, but we want our man to pay for our dates. At least in the beginning. By discussing your travels early on, you are setting yourself up for your woman to have extravagant expectations. I know this only because I married a man who is the son of parents who were millionaires at one time but lost it all to a bad business deal.

A surprise bouquet sent to her place of employment will earn you extra credit. A meal cooked by you and a movie at your place equals more bonus points.

I think ink you have set your expectations so high they are unattainable. A beautiful woman may have a corrupt soul, where an average woman may be genuine and trustworthy.

At the age of 27, unless you are scoping the corporate world, it's going to be hard to find a woman of your calibre, with your life's goals and desires. It's going to be hard, but not impossible, to find a woman without a child or children in today's society. That's something you have to understand and accept.

While it is cliché, opposites do attract. Don't rule out a woman because she carries a few more pounds than you desire, or because she has a child or two. Keep your past to yourself until later in the relationship, and reveal it slowly. For some of us a date at Buffalo Wild Wings on the night our favorite team is playing is more exciting than going to the Chez Phillipe.

In my honest female opinion, I don't see you as negative, but I surely wouldn't want to date you because you think too highly of yourself and look down your nose on those of us who don't have the same mindset as you. You can either lower your exorbitantly high expectations or stay single and lonely.

"In my honest female opinion, I don't see you as negative, but I surely wouldn't want to date you because you think too highly of yourself and look down your nose on those of us who don't have the same mindset as you. You can either lower your exorbitantly high expectations or stay single and lonely."

From a man's perspective, I totally agree.

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Originally Posted by Paratrooperlegi

I would say in the past 3 years I have been on 12 dates, and each one has had an agenda, has tried subvertly or overtly to get into my wallet. The only ones who haven't tried are the older ladies, who seem to act the way I wish the women my age would. However, they lived their lifes and are ready to settle down, I am starting mine and I want to kick things into gear and shsre them with someone around my age.

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I think your story is all over the place. 12 dates in three years? Each one with a different female? Have you gone out with a female more than once? You imply that you have in different posts, but if your estimates of the number of dates in the past three years is correct, then either you are basing all of your experience on your 'wilder' younger days or you are starting to tell us what you think makes you look better. Either way, it makes it look like you are more about filling a file cabinet full of excuses rather than trying to figure out how to adapt your older desires (being single and building your life/career) with what you profess your new ones (marriage and sharing your life with wife and children) are.

Frankly, I am wondering if you are too sensitive to threats to your bank account. Can a female talk about her plans for the future without you thinking she is wanting your money to fund her plans? If she mentions liking a watch, do you see it as her asking you to buy it? If a female who is getting started in her career and has a lot of student loans doesn't ask you out because she can't afford to pay, do you ask her out and pay or drop her as someone only interested in your money?

The way you talk about dating/relationships makes it sound like you really don't care if the other person is there or not. You sound as if you make space for them, but you don't seem to really invite them in or try to become part of their life. It is almost as though you expect them to fit into the cubby hole and do what you want and that is pretty much it. Do you ever try to fit into their lives or do you decide they are being manipulative and after your money before that happens?

I don't know where you are currently finding females to date, but I think you may need to try something different. You say your hobbies aren't good for meeting females. Have you thought about expanding your hobbies? Have you tried doing things differently so that you meet different women with different goals instead of doing the same thing over and over with the same results?