Ask Me Help Desk - Changed behavior after being together for three weeks

I started seeing this guy and we have been together since three weeks. We were not really committed or something and that we were enjoying each other's company a lot. We used to text and meet almost everyday. Last Saturday we met and then he got really busy on Sunday and he did not text me or call me. I was having a fight with another friend of mine and I wanted to talk to him about that. I texted him asking if he could call me. He did not call me and then after one full day he texted me good morning. I was really pissed and I did not reply. He did not bother to respond either.

The next day I called him and he was busy at work. I had called him from my landline too. When he got a break, he replied to my texts, but he did not call me. He called on my landline without knowing that it is me. I asked as to why he did not call me or checked if I am doing fine when he did not see my texts. He said he thought that I do not want to talk. And then he said probably we could meet the next day if I am free. But he sounded really casual and he did not really understand my concern.

So after the call, I sent him a long text mentioning how terrible I felt and how I trusted his I loves you's and I miss you's. He replied saying, he has been really busy and he needs to clear his mess out and he cares for me. I said sorry, and I asked if I could help him in any way. He replied saying he would call me when he gets free. But he did not call. That night I called him and he said he is out with his friends, and he sent 2-3 texts. The next day, again I did not see any calls or texts from him, so I texted him casually in the evening. I also sent another text saying that I feel it has been ages since I met him. He replied to my other texts but not the last one. I asked if he is not free from his busy schedule. No reply for that as well.

In the night I was so frustrated and I texted him that I have pleaded enough and I would not trouble him again. He did not reply to that text as well. Another one whole day passed and he never texted me. I can see that he has come online in whatsapp a couple of times. In the night I sent a big text asking what is wrong and why he is ignoring me. He has not responded to that yet. Though he came online in whatsapp, he hasn't read my texts yet and now he is at work.

I am really bothered about the change in his behavior. He used to very caring and loving when I was with him. His everyday good night, good morning , I love you and I miss you texts disappeared all of a sudden and I am so broken. What should I do now?

Well, for starters, if I were you I would just mark it up to growing up and move on. It looks like you are stalking him and he is not really keen on a relationship with you. Sorry but it would be best to put this behind you.

Stop texting him for a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snipole

I started seeing this guy and we have been together since three weeks. We were not really committed or something and that we were enjoying each other's company a lot. We used to text and meet almost everyday. Last Saturday we met and then he got really busy on Sunday and he did not text me or call me. I was having a fight with another friend of mine and I wanted to talk to him about that. I texted him asking if he could call me. He did not call me and then after one full day he texted me good morning. I was really pissed and I did not reply. He did not bother to respond either. The next day I called him and he was busy at work. I had called him from my landline too. When he got a break, he replied to my texts, but he did not call me. He called on my landline without knowing that it is me. I asked as to why he did not call me or checked if I am doing fine when he did not see my texts. He said he thought that I do not want to talk. And then he said probably we could meet the next day if I am free. But he sounded really casual and he did not really understand my concern. So after the call, I sent him a long text mentioning how terrible I felt and how I trusted his I loves you's and I miss you's. He replied saying, he has been really busy and he needs to clear his mess out and he cares for me. I said sorry, and I asked if I could help him in any way. He replied saying he would call me when he gets free. But he did not call. That night I called him and he said he is out with his friends, and he sent 2-3 texts. The next day, again I did not see any calls or texts from him, so I texted him casually in the evening. I also sent another text saying that I feel it has been ages since I met him. He replied to my other texts but not the last one. I asked if he is not free from his busy schedule. No reply for that as well. In the night I was so frustrated and I texted him that I have pleaded enough and I would not trouble him again. He did not reply to that text as well. Another one whole day passed and he never texted me. I can see that he has come online in whatsapp a couple of times. In the night I sent a big text asking what is wrong and why he is ignoring me. He has not responded to that yet. Though he came online in whatsapp, he hasn't read my texts yet and now he is at work. I am really bothered about the change in his behavior. He used to very caring and loving when I was with him. His everyday good night, good morning , I love you and I miss you texts disappeared all of a sudden and I am so broken. What should I do now?

How long did you know him before you decided to start seeing each other?

This may seem harsh to you, but I hope you will listen.

I don't think he changed any more than you did. I do think you acted rashly and language was used that made a casual dating relationship seem like more than it was. Three weeks is not enough time to know a person no matter how much time you spend together talking.

Words can be misused or taken out of context lose their intended meaning. Love is a word that gets misused a lot because it describes a feeling that can be felt for a friend or a relative or a romantic interest. Sometimes, a person mistakes physical attraction as a more emotional one and uses the word Love when Lust is more appropriate. Sometimes, it takes a few weeks or months to separate the two emotions. Usually, that is when commitment occurs. By your own words, this was not a committed relationship.

This is going to be the harsh part. Partly due to his words, I think you had greater expectations for where the relationship was and where it was headed. You expected him to be available and ready to be your sounding post after your disagreement with your friend. He wasn't and you got mad. You over-reacted and set off everything that happened after a text that wasn't returned when you wanted it to be. You had expectations about what his behavior should be and what he should do and forgot that he is an individual with his own life. You decided to play games and ignore his text because it didn't fit with your expectations. If I were him, I would think you were the one who changed. I would be questioning if I wanted to continue seeing where this relationship is headed.

You need to step back and look at your own actions. See how clinging and smothering you are becoming. Look at how quickly you have gone from casual to committed relationship in your own mind.

About four weeks by your account separates the beginning and posting a question here today. About one month to allow a man who you (as far as I know) barely know to cause you to become "so broken". That is not healthy. I highly suggest leaving him alone and working on your own security and self-confidence so that a man who you aren't even in a committed relationship with can't cause you to hurt yourself.

I also suggest working on your expectations for a relationship. People aren't always available when you want them to be and sometimes calls and texts don't go through or end up at the wrong number. Very, very, very few relationships can keep up constant contact for longer than a couple of weeks. Life and reality tend to create all kinds of interruptions and obstacles. Think about better ways to handle the little obstacles so that they don't become larger ones. It will help next time.

This may seem off-topic, but how is your relationship with your friend? Have you worked through that fight yet or have you been putting all of your focus on this man to keep from thinking about the friend?

Relationship with my friend is fine. I sorted it out. What you said is absolutely right. I am overreacting and I am setting high expectations at the very beginning. What do you suggest I do. I have known him only for three weeks.

Let him contact you.

First it sounds like he is busy, and you are not respecting his time, and that on a break he may not be at a place to talk to you, and a quick text at least shows he is responding.

I think you are wanting too much attention, and showing anger when not getting it, (which will only chase him away) He is not a puppy on a leash to jump when you yank on the rope.

To get repect, you have to also give it, and it does not appear you are respecting his time. If you are upset, you talk to him in the evening about you and your friend, or other problems,

My wife would never call me during the day (although I tell her she could) because she does not bother me at work, unless it is an extreme. She may leave a message (text) which I may answer, if I have time on a break, but often will wait till after work.

A person in a dating relationship also has a separate life, and has to have time for it also

Quote:

Originally Posted by snipole

Relationship with my friend is fine. I sorted it out. What you said is absolutely right. I am overreacting and I am setting high expectations at the very beginning. What do you suggest I do. I have known him only for three weeks.

Leave him alone and see if he misses you enough to contact you and don't just sit around waiting for him either. What's done is done and no time for dwelling on it. Look around and find other options and opportunities that allow you to enjoy your life without him. You met him, you will meet others.

You never know what's in your future unless you embrace it, explore it, and live it, without looking back.