Sorry for the long text, but I feel like any of these situations need a bunch of detail before anyone can help or offer suggestions.
I (26m) have been with my girlfriend (24f) since September of 2012. At that time I was only 2 months out of a pretty terrible breakup with my ex of 5 years. In that previous relationship we had a house together, not married, no kids or animals. That relationship ended because she found out that I was emotionally cheating on her with another girl who lived hundreds of miles that I had never met. This led my girlfriend of 5 years to start talking to and eventually being in a relationship with her co-worker which started 3 months before we broke up. I found out about it from a text of hers I saw, we tried to work it out, but eventually I got really mad about it and she broke up with me.
I spent the next weeks/months focusing on me... Although lonely I spend a lot more time with my friends, we went out a lot. I spent a lot of time and effort improving myself including my job situation and my looks/wardrobe. I became significantly much more of a man, and much less of someone who depends on their SO for fun and excitement. One thing I lacked though was being able to actually have fun alone. If you asked me at that time what I would do for fun if I had to be alone my answer would've been the gym. It became my happy place.
While my friends and I were going out I met a few girls, and the VERY FIRST one I met becomes my current girlfriend. We met at a bar, made out and began texting. It took an entire month of me asking her to get drinks with me before she finally agreed. (turns out she had just gotten out of college and a relationship and had written off guys for a year, after her rebound one night stand that is).
During the month there were a handful of girls, but I didn't sleep with any of them.Once my SO and I started seeing each other there were still a few girls, but again, I didn't sleep with any of them, but my SO didn't know about them.On my first date even marriage was ion the back of my mind, which seems to be a character flaw to me.
Within the first part of the relationship I did not intend at all for it to be a long term thing, I figured I would make it to Christmas and then she would dump me. That didn't happen, and in fact she fell in love with me. I wasn't expecting that, and wasn't really my outlook on the whole thing, but overall I did have a great time with her. Everything was more fun with her around so I went with it. I did have a few problems such as the number of sexual partners she's had is much higher than mine which I didn't like, and some of her ex's were still in her life, which I also didn't like.
Either way I was happily in a relationship when I switched jobs, got fired, and then got another job that was very miserable. She was there for me, and even invited me to move in with her when I was jobless, but all of it seemed a little reluctant. At one point she said, “I wish I could be doing more with my summer, but I feel like I have to be here for you.” Also during this time I heard, from her friend, that she was texting another guy, I confronted her, she lied about it and said it wasn't happening, then said they were just friends, and then it went away. They were probably just friends, but this still bothers me. Still even to this day she randomly will text her ex at places like a friend's wedding, which is very frustrating. Every time I bring it up she says it will stop, but it never does.
Over the past years I have had other girls that I text, which probably makes me paranoid that she's doing something similar. I know I'm wrong in doing this and have stopped recently.Recently I have been feeling emotionally disconnected. We live together and I see her every day, but it seems like she tells me she loves me only because she's used to doing it. It seems like she would rather sit on the couch on her phone or with the dog, rather than having any physical or emotional contact with me. I understand completely if work has been hard that week, and she's tired and wants to just relax or sleep, but there seems to be a lack of emotional contact between us.
I also feel like I'm a bit emotionally abused, because she hates where I come from, hates the schools I went to, hates the community I grew up in and never fails to mention that any time I talk about… anything really. Also I realize this isn't really a masculine thing to think, but If I get dressed to go out with her, or with friends she never says anything nice, or stays silent (which I would prefer at this point), but she always picks something the tear me down with.
The sex, which was great in the beginning (probably because I rarely had any with my ex) has become a little lack luster. I don't feel a strong connection to her during or after, and after she pulls away and rolls to the other side of the bed without saying anything. With the exception of quickies I like sex to be fun, exciting, and a little silly, but she sees it as her chance to have an orgasm, then make me have an orgasm and then bed. And the kicker, which I've forgiven for a long time is that she is too ticklish for me to give her oral, or finger her, and of course giving oral is my favorite thing to do in bed. I truly like to take my time, tease, and make them have the best orgasm they can, but none of that is valued by her it seems like.
Living together is stressful at times, as it has been with any roommate I've had, but what kills me is when something small happens, like a knife is left in the sink, she treats it like it's the end of our relationship and the world. IN fact our living situation may complicate things, we rent an apartment together, own a cat, and foster (she does) a service dog. As you may have guessed I love the dog more than anything…. But he'll have to go back to the organization that trains them eventually.
Why do I always fall back into emotional cheating?
Early on in my dating life I realized talking to girls and potential girlfriends became easier and less stressful if I had another girl to talk to. Once I got into my 5 year relationship I also found this to be the case.