Should I stay or should I go?
About a year ago I was at the end and coming out of a 3 year relationship when I met a 50 year old married man through work circles. I was 24 and we ended up developing a friendship. We were both in similar situations in our relationships as his marriage had been dead for years. I enjoyed speaking to him and spending time with him and before long we fell in love and decided we wanted to be together. I moved out of the house with my now ex boyfriend pretty much immediately. I love this man so much but we constantly now just argue.
He is still living with his wife whilst going (slowly) through the process of divorce. We still see each other a lot but to me it doesn't feel like a truly fulfilling relationship because I suppose he still isn't fully out of his last. He has a son which I know he feels guilt over leaving, which I try to understand but ultimately he has to decide if he is going to or not. And he understands that sometimes children can be better off when their parents divorce and they can see what a loving relationship looks like. He finds that I'm very critical. Maybe this is true, there are things I wish were different but does that mean that I just can't say them?
Anyway, my biggest problem, and what is ruining the relationship in my opinion, is his inability to end a quarrel. We have a row as couples do, and after a while of talking usually both of us apologise and say let's leave it. But after 5 minutes he goes back to it. And he does this repeatedly and continuously until hours have passed and been wasted and I just want him to leave because I can't listen to it anymore. And he's so much older, I thought he would be mature but it seems he wants to mill over and over things until we have wasted all of our time together. Sometimes I become so distressed I'm crying and shouting and have on occasion hit my head off walls and cut myself because it frustrates me more than anything I've ever known. Still he continues, this doesn't make him stop, maybe for a minute but then he goes back to it again as always.
Last week one of our rows got so bad he smashed his car windscreen. I broke the mirror before because I got so mad. We can't go on like this. I know I'm not perfect but the way he argues with me and its incessantness makes me so stressed and anxious. No amount of crying or begging him to stop makes it happen. Lately I find I'm happier when I'm alone because when I'm with him I'm in constant fear of a row that will last for days on end. I feel so exhausted and can barely eat or sleep when we argue. I'm often going into work with swollen eyes from crying all night. Should we break up?
