Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend is heavily depressed and has dumped me because of it. Please help me!

We met on twitter. I suffer from an eating disorder and depression while he suffers from depression. We dm'd and hit it off quickly after a week or so we started dating. Although he warned me he doesn't feel anything. Hes' numb and finds it hard to love anyone or feel loved. It was fun and he brought me out of dark place. Things happened in my life that I wouldn't have been able to survive if it wasn't for him and everyday I would tell him I love him and he is handsome. Except I have fell backwards into my eating disorder and he has been worried about me.

Lat night he told me that it isn't workng. Although he loves me and wants me he cant feel the attraction anymore. Its been 5 months and although we have never met we have spoke on skype and kik and twitter. He says he needs to do something that will make him feel again. He needs to experince pain again to make him feel. And he said the only pain that will truly determine his feelings is losing me. He said I have given him the best 5 months of his life and it hurts him that he has to do this but he needs to change one thing about him and the only thing that may work is us.

He said he wants to carry on talking, become friends and maybe in the future he will try us again but I love him too much to let him go. I cry just thinking about all the fun times, the things we have done for each other. I want to support him and tell him I love him and that no matter what, I love his scars and I don't want him to be alone whilst going through this. He doesn't want to tell his parents because they are the reason.

I'm 19 and he's nearly 20 so its not some stupid crush or relationship. We planned our future out and I honestly feel like he is my one. I don't know what to do. I said I will be his best friend and support him and I said I will be his rant buddy, his diary. But it will be hard because I'm in love with him and cant see my life without him. I feel so numb and lost over it like he feels and it hurts him knowing he has done this to me but its not his fault its this metal illness.

Please help me.

The best thing you can do is to let him go his own way.

To be brutally honest, you don't know him as you think you do. You know a man behind a screen. You haven't sat across a table from him and looked into his eyes. You haven't sat next to him and felt the "vibe" to determine his honesty.

Two people with issues such as depression and eating disorders are never a good match. You may feel like he is your "one," but you don't even know him personally, again, it's only through a screen.

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I cry just thinking about all the fun times, the things we have done for each other.

What good times can you have sitting behind a computer screen? You need to find someone you can relate to in person versus the internet. These relationships are almost always doomed.

"I'm 19 and he's nearly 20 so its not some stupid crush or relationship". "But it will be hard because I'm in love with him and cant see my life without him"-He's your "boyfriend--but "5 months and although we have never met"?? So what do you call this? You know nothing about this person except Skype!

Online, or in person, one month or a year, it sucks to get dumped. Everybody gets depressed after that. Your 5 months have been BLISS, and you should be grateful for the time... and you will eventually... but for now do yourself a BIG favor, ACCEPT he dumped you, cry and allow yourself to heal. Call a good friend and share the grief and misery with.

Keep working on that eating disorder, and the depression with the proper help.

Heck you met him online, there will be others... when you are ready. You have been taught a valuable lesson though with this experience.. Never make future plans with these online hook ups until you have met them and dated for a while IN REAL LIFE.

Good luck.

There is one thing I'm very curious about, being an old lady who has never Skyped or tweeted or texted. What does dating mean to you? From what I read, it means anything from talking online to having sex.
As someone who has had degrees of depression for 50 years, I can assure you that two depressed people merely drain each other after the romance loses it's excitement. I think he understands this better than you do.
If you don't work more on your depression, you won't be able to have a real relationship. I know you think this was real. It wasn't.

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Originally Posted by fallenxangel326

We met on twitter. I suffer from an eating disorder and depression while he suffers from depression. We dm'd and hit it off quickly after a week or so we started dating. Although he warned me he doesn't feel anything. Hes' numb and finds it hard to love anyone or feel loved. It was fun and he brought me out of dark place. Things happened in my life that I wouldn't have been able to survive if it wasn't for him and everyday I would tell him I love him and he is handsome. Except I have fell backwards into my eating disorder and he has been worried about me.

Lat night he told me that it isn't workng. Although he loves me and wants me he cant feel the attraction anymore. Its been 5 months and although we have never met we have spoke on skype and kik and twitter. He says he needs to do something that will make him feel again. He needs to experince pain again to make him feel. And he said the only pain that will truly determine his feelings is losing me. He said I have given him the best 5 months of his life and it hurts him that he has to do this but he needs to change one thing about him and the only thing that may work is us.

I might be picking nits here but I have a question: If you haven't met in person how do you consider this dating?

Is he seeing anyone about his depression? Are you? How about your eating disorder? You know you have the problems, what are YOU doing to fix YOU? I ain't being mean here, but in order to have a functional relationship both people have to be fit to be in a functional relationship. It doesn't sound like either of you are and need to work on yourselves before trying again. This is why, when anyone goes into a relationship with issues unresolved, they'll bring in toxic elements. It isn't just him that deals with his depression, it is you. The relationship will start to be defined not as the relationship between two people but around the damage each of you have. It will splinter and die. Leaving you both worse for wear.

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Originally Posted by fallenxangel326

He said he wants to carry on talking, become friends and maybe in the future he will try us again but I love him too much to let him go. I cry just thinking about all the fun times, the things we have done for each other. I want to support him and tell him I love him and that no matter what, I love his scars and I don't want him to be alone whilst going through this. He doesn't want to tell his parents because they are the reason.

So he's broken, he knows he's broken, and he's refusing to get better. He is defining himself based on his damage. Be there to support him, but don't try to fix him because he doesn't want to. Take a step back and be a friend. To do more will only end in heartache, trust me on this one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallenxangel326

I'm 19 and he's nearly 20 so its not some stupid crush or relationship. We planned our future out and I honestly feel like he is my one. I don't know what to do. I said I will be his best friend and support him and I said I will be his rant buddy, his diary. But it will be hard because I'm in love with him and cant see my life without him. I feel so numb and lost over it like he feels and it hurts him knowing he has done this to me but its not his fault its this metal illness.

Please help me.

You know all 19/20 yo kids in relationships say that. If I look at the sky and say it's green, doesn't make it true. You've got a friend, walk away with that. Deal with yourself and let him deal with himself, if you come back together again then awesome, but if you don't then that's life.

Have to spread the rep, but Craven, that was dead on! I have nothing to add, for once. :)