Hello,
I am chatting with a man through social sites like Facebook, Google plus and twitter. It just has been months of our talk. But he is matured and so am I. In the beginning, we did not flirt with each or talked to each other in such a manner. But our friendship grew and we started liking each other. But what recently what just happened that he talked dirty to me. Well, I am shock! It may be obvious but seriously he is not that type of man. And I did not expect this from him. And I don't know how to respond to it.

Please help me to make the vision clearer. To be honest, I don't want to talk dirty instead I want to say something to avoid it. That could make him understand that I am not easy to get. Well, I also like him. But I like the man who would not behave just like every other men talking dirty to women. Thank you for help.

I don't understand why you didn't just say "I don't like this" and then proceed to talk normally. There's even a chance that he left his phone or site open and someone else wrote it. Another chance is that he drank too much, such as at a New Year party.

The fact that you like him should have NO bearing on your wish to be clear. He either likes you as you are or he goes elsewhere. Please don't hang onto a man by hiding your feelings.

Keep in mind that 'months' is a very very long time for some people, and if there is no chance that you will ever be able to see each other in person, some people will want phone sex. Even nice people.

Mainly keep in mind that no matter how much you think you know about him, you don't know if ANY of it is true. Nice people lie too. Sort of nice people. Trapped in an arranged and loveless marriage, wife went home to mother, etc!

If you like him, and hope to form some sort of long term relationship with him, then you should be honest with him. Tell him that you don't like dirty talk, that it's not your thing, and that it really made you feel uneasy when he did it.

Is there a chance of the two of you having a real relationship one day, or will this always be an online relationship, with no hope of actually being together in person?

You've only known him a few months, and you only know what he's portraying to be online. He may have always been a dirty boy, that loves to talk dirty. He may be talking dirty and more, to many other women online. Why do you think you know him? You really don't. Not at all. You know what he wants you to know, and you may well have got your first glimpse of who he really is.

If it is not your cup of tea, speak up and set him straight you owe it to yourself. You do not have to put up with his dirty talk and by him taking the liberty of doing so, is disrespectful to you.

I agree with the others who have posted thus far. Without knowing what was said or how it was said, the only advice that makes any sense is to talk with him and explain how you feel about what he said.

I do have some advice for you to consider before talking to him. If you like him and want him to listen to you, talk with him, do not talk at him. Yes, you have a right to express yourself, but so does he. What you think is disrespectful may not be to him and what he thinks is disrespectful may not be to you. Relationships are built on communicating with the other person to work out differences. Making demands to get your way without giving him a chance to understand and agree to changes on his own would be treating him like a subordinate instead of an equal.

Keep in mind that he may not know he upset you and, if he does, probably does not know why. Be calm and explain. Listen if he apologizes. Work together to figure out what is appropriate and what isn't. It may be that he has a different expectations in the relationship than you do. You need to make certain you are on the same page.

If he doesn't try to understand your need/refuses to discuss the issue or continues to push the relationship into an area you have expressed being uncomfortable with, then you will know more about the man he really is. It may help you know if any other warning signs are more important than you thought they were.

I will say this, your question is, "this soon" I do not know what culture you are from, but on most relationships, things get somewhat sexual for adults after a few months, In fact many men would start after a few weeks, I am surprised, that he wanted a few months

I would assume he felt, that the relationship had went to that level.

It is obvious you and him are either from different cultures, or different levels of what each wants in the relationship. And of course I do not know what you mean by talking dirty, since that can be just sexual jokes, or comments to asking for online sexual video.

But as the others said, if you have been talking for months, just tell him you do not talk like that.

I will ask, would you talk like that at some point, since you said, this soon?

I agree with you all. First of all, I am really thankful of you all to respond me in such a descriptive manner even though my question was lacking the proper sense of what I meant. I would like to answer some of the questions that you all have asked.

It was actually a joke that he did when we were talking of that night. I hope you get a clearer vision on it now. And by months I mean that we have friends for months but our talk was regular from just a couple of months.
And yes, I may not be knowing what he wants me to know. Apart from online, we also talk on phone. But what actually surprised me is that his behavior was decent and I liked it because he was different from the rest of the men that were craving for some dirty things on the first stage. I thought he was the one who is not like that online. By this soon I meant online. I wanted him to wait till we did not meet and understand each other. I don't to begin the relationship by not knowing us. What I want is to understand each other and then get into a understanding relationship. This is what I am expecting from him.


I really like him and don't want to lose him. I really want him to see with me in the future.

Am I wrong? Should I accept it? Or I should tell him that I don't want this now which I feel would be awkward and he may feel that I am uncool that I am not.

Thanks one again. You all are really helpful.

My answer remains the same, if you aren't comfortable with what he's doing, you have to tell him. If he leaves because he no longer thinks you're cool because you expressed how you feel, than he wasn't worth having a relationship with to begin with.

If you can't talk to him, tell him how you feel, then there's no point carrying on hoping to form a relationship. It will be doomed from the get go.

If you cannot honestly express yourself, then there can be no future, in person, or online. If you do not honestly express yourself, how can anyone else know how to honor and respect your boundaries, or appreciate what you like, and dislike. If you fear being honest because you are afraid of losing someone then any relationship you think you want will be built on lies and FEAR.

I suspect he was pushing the boundaries a bit to see your reaction since that's common for guys after a few months, sooner in person, and maybe you should not simply ignore that bit of information. Very easy to build that unrealistic fantasy expectation about a person you only talk to and not actually interact with in person, and ignore reality about them. Online or in person, most people are on best behavior and any flaws are hidden.

I also think hoping for a future with a chat buddy of a few months that you have never met is unrealistic from the start. It clouds your whole perspective of what real life is about. Just give it thought and evaluate how much time you have already put into this chat buddy, and how little you actually know about each other's ways, and FLAWS, which all humans, even YOu have.

True healthy relationships are built on how we deal with the good and bad of the people we interact with... NOT just the chat with.

Thank you so much everyone. After your valuable suggestions I talked to him through phone. He apologized for it and mentioned that he only wanted to take things further which in reply I told him that I am not that kind of woman. He said he will not repeat it until I am comfortable with him. And also I am going to meet him in Feb. I really hope he is the man that I think he is! I will may be post a question again! It is really hard to accept that you all are investing your priceless time and being really helpful to me and many others on this site. I hope to meet in person with such great personalities. Thank you all once again.