I have been debating this question for a little over a year now. I am a 33 year old female. I workout, I'm fit, I have a good job, I'm kind, caring, I have a great family, and I like to think I'm somewhat attractive. I guess when I hit the 26 year old mark, I started to think about settling down and became more picky with who I date.

When I hit 28 I literally made a list of what I want and what I don't want in a guy. Everything from physical attributes to personality and his ability to be a good father to our children. I've been on many dates, 2 long term relationships over the past 7 years, but I don't feel like they are the ones to marry. Some I'm very attracted to physically, but they don't do it for me emotionally and personality wise. Then I get the Vice Versa. Great personality, but not attracted to them physically. Some treated me GREAT, but there was no chemistry and I feel guilty letting a great guy go.

I take time out often from dating to concentrate on myself, my work, and my family. Usually 2 months after a relationship ends or I feel I'm ready to date again.
Recently, I find myself settling or "Ignoring" the things I want on my list and getting in a relationship with someone that doesn't fit what I have on the list. When I'm with them I don't really want to be with them. I would rather spend time with my family and have a movie night with my family. BUT, if I end things, take a 2 month break, then date again AND the next guy I date is WORSE than the last, I find myself wanting the guy I ended things with back.

So, Is there something wrong with me or is this the basic concept of dating? Should I maybe not be so picky? Should I try to let things that bother me in relationship slide? I guess I would just like some insight on whether what I want in a man is realistic or should I start accepting some flaws I don't want? I would love to have that feeling where you know "its right". But I never had it. I'm just trying to figure out if it's me or if this is normal in the dating world. Thanks :)

Personally.. I think you are too rigid in what you expect.

Its all fine and good to have standards (as long as they are reasonable).. but keep in mind... if everyone else was as rigid in what they demand... the human race might die off in a generation.

You aren't going to find perfect... and certainly finding someone perfect who considers you perfect... is probably statistically impossible.

While you spend all your time looking for Mr. Perfect... a lot of Mr. Almost perfects are walking right under your nose.

Also as a reality check... nobody is perfect... not even you. Becoming aware of your own imperfections will make it easier to accept other peoples imperfections.

But if the chemistry isn't there... it might never be there... or it might grow in time. That's one of the mysteries of the ages... if we could see into the future... a lot of mistakes would never be made.

However I firmly believe... there has to be some spark when you first meet... if that spark grows you might have something... but if you walk into a blazing inferno when you first meet... you can be sure its going to burn itself out fairly quickly.

Instead of nit-picking over a hundred details... pick the 5 or 10 most important characteristics and focus on those... don't worry about that mole on their neck... unless it's the size of an adult squirrel.

And that six pack he has... its very unlikely to be there as long as it takes for your boobs or butt to start to sag if you see my point.

Here's an old joke -- A woman was looking for the Perfect Man. She finally found him, but it didn't work out because he was looking for the Perfect Woman.

Also --
There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.

One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in their perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, and being the perfect people they were, they picked him up. Well, as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident.

Two died and one lived. Who lived? The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.

Throw a stupid list out. Love, if you find it, (or may have lost it) is often the last person you would expect, nothing like you wanted, but exactly what you needed. Sometimes the exact opposite of you.

Looks, to be honest, should have almost nothing to do with it, sorry but a great person, inside is worth so much more, and in 20 plus years they will most likely all be bald and fat, maybe no teeth, and so on. I use the example, if the day after the wedding a terrible accident left them scared, would that end your love?

Lucky you, no mention of the highs and lows of romantic love.
Poor you, no mention of the highs and lows of romantic love.

There's no rule that you have to change anything. The wrench in the works is children, so it's time to start deciding whether or not you crave a child you gave birth to. If you are willing to be childless (I made that decision long long ago), or are willing to adopt, or happen across someone with children, then keep going the way you are.

You do sound both fulfilled with job and family, yet sort of too organized and methodical. But so what? You aren't miserable and you aren't hurting anyone.

Thinking on this I believe that you like being alone and you're looking for a Mate because it seems like it is expected of you, as such you have rigid expectations and not one of them have met them nor are you willing to compromise on them. So you dump them and are single for 2 months. You say that your selections have been returning worse and worse, maybe because you're subconsciously picking men that you know will fail and since you expect them to fail, it does. I get the feeling you DON'T want a relationship.

You have expectations of what you want in a life mate. That is excellent. A lot of people never really get to this step, they just find someone they click with and work things out as they come up. There is merit to what you are doing, you're aborting relationships before they get too far along because they're meeting your expectations. It was said above that you'll miss Mr. It'sAsGoodAsItsGoingToGet in favour of Mr. CompletedTheCheckList. I agree with that to a point.

I think you need to revisit your list and figure out what is important to you on that list. I don't mean to glance at it, I mean to take a serious amount of time and think about each point. For example, he must be a white collar worker, but if you date a mechanic... what would life be like. Would you like that? Think on those ideas and figure out if you're being picky or if they is hard and fast. The problem is that most of these expectations are probably not as rigid as you think they are. There is a lot of diamonds in the rough that expose themselves as being good. You just need to see them for what they are before they reject you.

When you are dating and not having fun getting to know the people you date, then it's YOU, not them. Throw your list away and stop looking for a perfect partner. That perfect partner list only helps way down the road but totally out of place for dating.

I think you have forgotten how to enjoy the life you have built for yourself and replaced it with worry over romance. Sounds like a person that has just gotten out of a relationship, and has yet to fully heal from it.

Close?

Agree. Stop worrying.
And expecting. Enjoy being single. Work that mindset.
What's better? Stressing about unknowns, or enjoying the day. Or lotsa days..
Your only concern should be you.
Will it happen, isn't a question for me. I like the surprises. Everyday.
Different all the time. Good & bad. Like everything.
No need to be needy.