My husband & I have been married for 24 years & whenever his ex of nine years' family member dies he make it very sure that he would go whether I like or not. It frustrates me to the point that I am ready for the next death in her family that's when he don't see me ever again. (I am not talking suicide) She cheated on him by having another man's baby & expecting him (my husband) to raise the baby with her. He was not stupid & ended the relationship.. but it seems like they one all one happy family... she since married the father of the child.. I am trying so hard to make sure that he is thinking of me allllllllllll the time.. Please help me & tell me that I am silly.. Thank you..

In the Appalachian culture I grew up in, you go to the funeral of even your bitterest enemy. You can have your own reasons(Hah! I outlived you, you... ), but you should respect that a life was lived and ended. Likewise, your rival (after 24 years seeing her as a rival is an issue for therapy) has suffered a loss and one should respect that. You go WITH him, as a couple. There undoubtedly have been times he did or went somewhere he didn't want to, because that's marriage.

How disrespectful, insecure and so non-understanding.
He is going to a funeral of his first family. I find it great and more people should have that concern for people they used to consider family.

I go to the funeral of my ex's family (I was widowed twice and also divorced) I only think it is proper since to me, they are and will always be family.

It isnot like he is meeting up at the Motel 6, he is going to a funeral.

And he is being honest about it, (soon if you are so demanding, he may just start lying about it, to save having to fight)

You real worried should be none ( but if you want a worry) worry about some girl at work, or some new young college girl he may meet online and hook up with.

About the last person you should worrry about is a remarried ex, who cheated on him, from 24 years ago.

I would suggest counseling for yourself, so you have more confidence in yourself

If you are jealous and insecure about him attending a FUNERAL you have huge issues to be dealt with. That you would use threats to prevent his attending is plain silly. If you cannot see that for yourself, that's just sad.

If you are so out of control on this issue, are you out of control in other areas of your life? Do you always over react over small issues?

Did your husband and his ex, have any children together?

That he thinks highly enough of his ex's family, to attend any funerals of their family members, is an honourable thing I think. He holds no grudges, and shows respect for that family, because he did know them for 9 years after all.

Nobody goes to a funeral, for fun. It is something that takes a few hours out of the day, and then it is over. Why do you feel so threatened by that to the point of ending your marriage over it?

Because the ex's family are a part of his past, but a significant part of his past, I do not see what the problem is.

I think you should be proud of him, because he shows character and compassion to people he knows, by attending their funerals.

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Originally Posted by Pene

My husband & I have been married for 24 years & whenever his ex of nine years' family member dies he make it very sure that he would go whether I like or not. It frustrates me to the point that I am ready for the next death in her family that's when he don't see me ever again. (I am not talking suicide) She cheated on him by having another man's baby & expecting him (my husband) to raise the baby with her. He was not stupid & ended the relationship.. but it seems like they one all one happy family... she since married the father of the child.. I am trying so hard to make sure that he is thinking of me allllllllllll the time.. Please help me & tell me that I am silly.. Thank you..

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You are silly. You are very silly. You also asked for that.

What you're forgetting is that he broke up with her. He had decided not to be in a relationship with her. He doesn't want to be with her. He isn't with her. Here is the shocking part, he's with you. He married you. He wants to be with you. He's decided to commit to you. He's married to you.

You know his choice and you know his mind. You're inventing drama here because you haven't convinced yourself, despite the large amount of evidence provided by that ring on your finger, that he's committed to you. That is YOUR issue not his. You don't trust him. That is YOUR issue not his.

I haven't been on good terms with Ex's. Some I would go to the funeral to be disrespectful to them. What you need to understand is, while is emotionally committed to you, he still has feelings for her. She was a large part of his life for a long time. He isn't going to the funeral to make time with his ex. That is disrespectful to think that would even occur. He is going to mourn the dead. You're inventing the drama that is happening here. What you should be doing is helping him grieve the dead and be supportive.It doesn't matter if it is his ex.