Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. We get along great and have very few arguments. He treats me great, buys me small things (Although I don't want him to buy me things, I do appreciate the thought) and he is always there for me.
I started to realize now that we are VERY different and some things he does are starting to bother me. First off, a few months ago he told me one of his female co-workers got kicked out of her house and if I would mine if she stayed with him for a few days. Of course it bothered me and I told him I felt weird about it, but he had her stay over anyway.

A few days ago I went to his house to stay over and as soon as I get in the door he says "Hey you know (The girls name) right? I said yeah, the girl that got kicked out of her place a few months ago. He says "Yeah, well she needs a place to stay and I want to be a good friend so she's living in my basement for 2 months". I said "When did this happen? He said "she moved in 4 days ago. I was pretty mad! Regardless, we are now at our 1 year mark and I am starting to think long term and we just are two totally different people. Instead of writing a long story. I will make points in where we are different and what bothers me.

1) I am a homebody and he loves going out all the time. He can't be by himself. If he has nothing to do, he text everyone in his phone until he finds someone to hang out with.
2) He has a dog and I am very allergic.
3) I feel I have to compete with his friends
4) He wants to live in the city and I want to live in the suburbs
5) I am not %100 attracted to him.
6) The sex is just OK...
7) Sometimes when we argue he curses a lot at me and it makes me upset.
8) He spends money foolishly. He doesn't own anything and never saves.
9) His friends all have TONS of drama and he gets involved in it... (Inviting his female friend to stay at his place. Going to a police station to help file restraining orders against a friends ex and then later on going out with the friend and the guy they filed a restraining order against) It's just too much for me and when I have kids I don't want them around all that.
10) I feel like there is someone else out there better for me, but I don't know if I'll find someone that treats me as great and has a great heart like he does...

So those are most of my issues that I have been thinking about. I know the 1 year mark is the time to decide if you want to put the work in or get out... and I'm on the fence about it. I think there is someone out there better for me, but it's going to be so hard to let him go.

I think you spelled out plenty of reasons you shouldn't be with him for the long haul. Like you said... you are both far too different.

At a year you shouldn't have these issues... if its like that now.. imagine in another couple. Find someone where things fell right... if they are still right by about 3 or more years into the relationship. Then maybe you have the one.

You have listed 10 things that should make you consider where you go from here. 3,5,9,10 are good starters.

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10) I feel like there is someone else out there better for me, but I don't know if I'll find someone that treats me as great and has a great heart like he does...

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That's all the reason you need to take a risk on finding someone better. Everything after the but is your fear.

You have quite a list. What have you tried over the past year to work out your concerns? Have the two of you sat down and discussed the differences and issues? Have you explained your concerns and issues to him? Has he told you what he thinks and how he feels? Has there been an attempt to find compromises?

I suggest not trying anymore and walking away if:

1. There is no trust.
2. There is no romantic love.
3. You can't discuss the issues and differences with him and find compromises.
4. You continue to feel that there is someone better for you and this gentleman isn't enough.

As long as you continue to feel there is someone better for you, you aren't going to be giving your full attention and energy to this relationship. Relationships between opposites work because they realize they have what they want and need. There isn't desire to find someone new or better. They make their relationship work.

If you are willing to put energy into working through the problems as you see them and you love and trust him, then stay. If you see him more as a rest stop on the dating highway, then it is time to get back on the road. You aren't being fair or kind if he thinks the relationship is going somewhere but you are looking for next 'best fit'.

Last thought, you might consider taking some time to reflect on this relationship and any others from your past. What worked for you and what didn't? What do you consider to be better for you? What might you need to change in how you choose a partner to find the person who might be better for you? Don't look for someone who you think you can make fit your ideal. Find someone who you can accept as they are and who you are willing to compromise with on the differences.

Good luck.

Sometimes, opposites attract. My husband and I were dubbed 'The Odd Couple', many years ago, and it has stuck. I am more like your boyfriend, and my husband would be more like you.

Most of what you say are faults, are differences, yes, but I see nothing there that cannot be compromised, and worked on, if you are both on the same page. Maybe you are expecting too much out of him 'just' being a boyfriend, and single. Had you be committed to marriage, even just engaged, I would caution you to learn how to resolve your differences.

With him having such a soft heart as you have said, I doubt he would jump up and down and insist on being in control without thinking about your feelings and concerns.

I do not think that with his friend staying with him, is sadly, any of your business. After only a year dating, he can call his own shots, as can you. He is involved with you, and not her, other than to rent her a space for a few months.

Again, I think that this difference of opinion has two distinct sides. The first side being, he is feeling obligated to help out a friend, which I think is admirable. He hasn't indicated, as least from what you've said, that he is interested in anybody but you.

I get the impression that you might be feeling a little threatened, particularly because his new roomie, is female. I think I would too. But, and here comes the rub, he's given you no reason to feel insecure, other than, he should perhaps take your concerns to heart, lest he decides to let this go on for six months, or more.

I think the best course of action is for the two of you to address this crossroads you find yourself in. Maybe this is your first 'big' discussion about your future together, and maybe it's coming late, but not too late, should things not point in a future together, that you have put in several years, and have shared debt, and maybe even a couple of kids together.

Give him a chance, and give yourself a chance, to talk AND listen, and see if you can't feel out where he wants to go with your relationship. Try not to find reasons to end it, other than it just won't work out.

You may be your own worst enemy in at least not trying just a little harder, for a little longer.

Best of luck to you.

#10 is SO depressing. I am way past the days of feeling like I need a man, and I wish the wisdom of old age could be there when I was young, but it just doesn't work that way. Holding on to a man because the right man might not be out there??? COME ON! How old are you? Is your baby clock ticking or something? How are you supposed to even know who's out there if you hang on to him?

The woman in the basement - no way, in my book. Nope nope nope, and I'm not a jealous type, but it doesn't sound right, and he didn't TELL you, his girlfriend, that she moved in???? NOPE!

Break up gently, without instant disconnect, but 90% or more. Learn to live with yourself. It's the most liberating feeling in the world.

I will say about 1/2 of your issues, are not issues, just things couples deal with and work out compromise.

I also see you are his girlfriend, you are not engaged and you are not married, so he owes you less duty to demand he do anything.

But a few of the things, you noted are major, number 10 says it all.

How he is treating you so good? You compete for his time, and he does not respect you. Does not sound good to me

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Originally Posted by flowerpower33

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. We get along great and have very few arguments. He treats me great, buys me small things (Although I don't want him to buy me things, I do appreciate the thought) and he is always there for me.
I started to realize now that we are VERY different and some things he does are starting to bother me. First off, a few months ago he told me one of his female co-workers got kicked out of her house and if I would mine if she stayed with him for a few days. Of course it bothered me and I told him I felt weird about it, but he had her stay over anyway.

A few days ago I went to his house to stay over and as soon as I get in the door he says "Hey you know (The girls name) right? I said yeah, the girl that got kicked out of her place a few months ago. He says "Yeah, well she needs a place to stay and I want to be a good friend so she's living in my basement for 2 months". I said "When did this happen? He said "she moved in 4 days ago. I was pretty mad! Regardless, we are now at our 1 year mark and I am starting to think long term and we just are two totally different people. Instead of writing a long story. I will make points in where we are different and what bothers me.

1) I am a homebody and he loves going out all the time. He can't be by himself. If he has nothing to do, he text everyone in his phone until he finds someone to hang out with.
2) He has a dog and I am very allergic.
3) I feel I have to compete with his friends
4) He wants to live in the city and I want to live in the suburbs
5) I am not %100 attracted to him.
6) The sex is just OK...
7) Sometimes when we argue he curses a lot at me and it makes me upset.
8) He spends money foolishly. He doesn't own anything and never saves.
9) His friends all have TONS of drama and he gets involved in it... (Inviting his female friend to stay at his place. Going to a police station to help file restraining orders against a friends ex and then later on going out with the friend and the guy they filed a restraining order against) It's just too much for me and when I have kids I don't want them around all that.
10) I feel like there is someone else out there better for me, but I don't know if I'll find someone that treats me as great and has a great heart like he does...

So those are most of my issues that I have been thinking about. I know the 1 year mark is the time to decide if you want to put the work in or get out... and I'm on the fence about it. I think there is someone out there better for me, but it's going to be so hard to let him go.

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Kudos to everyone who posted above. Great Advice.

I would just add a bit of roleplaying here for you, Imagine that your bestie came to you and told you what you wrote above. What would you say to her?

It sounds like you've actually already made up your mind and you just need someone to validate your decision. You don't need that. You've made your decision, just act on it.