Ask Me Help Desk - Asking out a co-worker

Asking out a co-worker

Hello my name is Jhon, and I am twenty-one years old. I am currently working part-time at a retail store in a small town trying to save some money for College. I am kind of socially awkward. I started working at my current job one year ago. I didn't talk much at all except to customers(which I had to), and it took me five or six months to start talking to any of my co-workers (at least more than just asking what time they work or how they were doing that day). I do currently have a few friends now from my current job, however I still don't talk much at work.

About a month ago this girl started working there. I remembered her from high school she was a grade below me and we rode the same bus. We had some mutual friends, but never even talked to each other. I don't know what came over me but I went up and talked to her first (which I never do). I have realized I talk to her more than anyone I work with, and It feels like the day goes by quicker when she works with me. Realizing this I started talking to her less, because I fell like other people have noticed.

It's not like I'm in love with her, but I want to ask her out. I'm not afraid of getting in trouble where I work. Even if she told my boss I would just get a warning( however I don't think she would anyway). What I'm afraid of is gossip if I get turned down, and how awkward I might feel at work afterwards. I don't like being the center of attention. I have asked out three girls in my life and I have been turned down every time (one turned out to be a lesbian).

I do really like this girl. She is not the most attractive girl I've talked to or asked out but she is pretty, and has a great personality. One more thing you should know about me is I don't want to be a one night stand guy I really want a longterm relationship if we get along outside of work.

So, should I ask this girl out and if so how should I do it? Ps. Sorry for making this so long I thought you should get to know me a little before answering.

Nothing like an attraction to bring a guy out of his shell. Strange you would be so willing to risk the boss's reaction, but not your coworkers, or possible rejection. To bad you don't have what it really takes to take such a risk as asking a girl out... SELF CONFIDENCE! Most get this through experience and you have had a few... and survived!

A simple approach is asking to hang out after work and go from there. Even if she says NO, have the confidence to keep being friendly with your co worker, and not make it about you. It's not. Please put those long term hopes and dreams and fears aside as they are totally irrelevant to the task at hand and that's just being friendly and engaging to a girl you are attracted to, so why scare yourself even more than you are.

Yeah it's a risk, but that just requires some courage, and confidence and a willingness to deal with whatever your actions bring. Keep it simple and just see if you can be hangout buddies after work. If not,all that mental emotional stuff was a perfect waste of time right?

PS Boy do you need a social life! That's where confidence, courage, social skills, and experience are built.

Good luck.

talaniman said it all. I have nothing to add.

Posted from PM

Quote:

I was off work today, and I took a friend shopping. We where walking in front of the store and I saw the girl I wrote the post about alone in the deli where most of the people who work in the front take there break. I decide just to go for it and told my friend I would catch up to him in a minute. I went in there and just started talking I told her I saw her when I walked by. I followed by asking how she was doing after she answered I asked if she got to do anything for Halloween ( because she told me the previous day she had to work late). So after we got done taking about that I said "anyway i was wondering if you would want to go out sometime". After a few seconds she said yes and I got her number I told her I would text her later and get her schedule so we could find out when we both didn't have to work late ( are schedules are random) after that I told her I had to find my friend (my hands where starting to shakeing so bad I had go before it got noticeable). I was wondering does it sound like i did it at the right time, and what kind of place should I take her to?(I hear movies are bad for first dates)

I would think it all depends on your work schedules. She agreed to go out so follow up. What activities do YOU like to do? Bowling? Miniature golf? Amusement parks? Dancing? Where does your age group gravitate?

Ask her what she like and have an idea of where the best places to go are.

This is where your having a fun social life comes in. Easier to ask a date to share the fun than make it up with a stranger what fun to have.

Look around and see what's available locally.

About to set first date. Need help!!

I'm about to set my first date and I have one hour before I talk to her. Don't get me wrong were are not going out tonight just finding out what day we are both off work. We are both 20 years old.
How long should the date be?
What are some things we could do?
What should we talk about other than drilling her with questions?
Any kind of advice would help even with something I didn't ask about.

Is this text or talking by phone? Makes a big difference. What are your schedules like? Working the next day? Tell her your favorite and see what she says.

R***E***L***A***X

You never said what YOU do for fun?!??

Go out to eat. Find out where she likes to go then you can have a relaxing meal and talk.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Is this text or talking by phone? Makes a big difference. What are your schedules like? Working the next day? Tell her your favorite and see what she says.

R***E***L***A***X

You never said what YOU do for fun?!??

OK so I tried calling her today to set the date after I checked my schedule and made sure we had the day off. She didn't answer. I had stuff to do so an hour later I texted and just says hey. She replied we decide on Friday and where to go. I got her address and immediately after ( before I could reply) she sent is it OK if we go just as friends. I said sure. Is all hope gone? Am I stuck in the friend zone? Could it be she might be a little shy and there is still hope?

It's just a check each other out type of thing. Just see if you can have fun and get along. Will you stop with the high hopes of romance.

See if you can be friends and hang out buddies. I do feel for you guy as you do seem to be scared sh1tless. You may as well get your feet wet though... see how it goes.

Is all hope gone?
You can only hope to enjoy each other company.

Am I stuck in the friend zone?
You aren't even in the friendzone yet.

Could it be she might be a little shy and there is still hope?
Could you be overthinking this......by a whole lot?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

It's just a check each other out type of thing. Just see if you can have fun and get along. Will you stop with the high hopes of romance.

See if you can be friends and hang out buddies. I do feel for you guy as you do seem to be scared sh1tless. You may as well get your feet wet though... see how it goes.

Is all hope gone?
You can only hope to enjoy each other company.

Am I stuck in the friend zone?
You aren't even in the friendzone yet.

Could it be she might be a little shy and there is still hope?
Could you be overthinking this......by a whole lot?

OK I'm just afraid that I'm going to get stuck in the friend zone like I have with the last two girls I asked out, and I am starting to feel as though things won't change. It feels like just because I'm not the most attractive guy nobody wants to be more than just friends.

There are millions of females out there. Why get stuck on the first few thousand. Stop looking for love and romance and have fun until it finds YOU.

Trust me friends is a good thing and you need all the social practice you can get.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

There are millions of females out there. Why get stuck on the first few thousand. Stop looking for love and romance and have fun until it finds YOU.

Trust me friends is a good thing and you need all the social practice you can get.

OK thank you for all the help talaniman. I probably won't be posting about this again unless things go really good Friday and I need some advice.

Keep your head up, relax, and enjoy. Good Luck

Just relax and enjoy the time with her. Get to know her. Friends is a nice way to start things out.