I can't overcome my jealousy of a porn star?
This is a serious question and if you're going to answer it, do it politely. I won't tolerate rudeness. I've been addicted to porn ever since I was 18, the minimum age to view porn legally. I've been using it to cope with frustration and try to manage my feelings better, but I find it's only allowing me to become more of a bitter and unhappy person. There's a porn star in particular who I won't mention the name of, but I watch a lot of her videos and she's basically this beautiful woman with long brown hair, blue eyes that people claim are like an ocean, a curvy figure and C-cup breasts. In my mind, it feels unfair that a person can be this "perfect" compared to me. Every time I look in the mirror, I just want to smash it because I hate that I have an average appearance and feeling imperfect as a result. And I'm jealous of the way she seems to thoroughly enjoy what she's doing, contrary to stereotyped notions of how porn stars really feel during their performance. She seems to defy these stereotypes by really throwing her whole heart into a scene and that's what's led me to become so envious of her, almost as if I'll never be as good as her at the same thing in my personal life. Not only that, but I've followed her on her social media too which has only made me feel worse about myself. It crushes me that she has fans telling her everyday how perfect and wonderful she is. She gets credit for every little thing she posts, even the most trivial of things. If she posts quotes for example, often ones which are not her own, people come to assume this automatically makes her a deep and philosophical person, as if they are thanking her for something she hadn't conceptualized by herself. While I post other people's quotes too now and then, nobody ever looks at them and thinks "Wow, it's amazing someone like her could think on the same level as the person who wrote them". But I don't think I'm just any typical person. I'm a uni graduate with an upper-second class degree (2.1) and while you might think it's ridiculous that I'd be feeling insecure when I have succeeded to some extent at life, I feel as if I've just not done enough to be an inspiration to people. Somehow I feel less when I think of myself in comparison to a porn star on a screen, sometimes even believing my life would be so much easier if I was better than her in a number of ways just to fill a void in my life. But at the end of the day, I'm only deluding myself. If I'm feeling bitter and unhappy over a porn star on a day-to-day basis and I'm letting it affect my quality of life, will this mean I'll need to seek counselling or help of any description? This is a serious issue which is leading me to become depressed and wallow in self-hate and I really can't seem to overcome it all that easily. Simply telling myself to just quit following her on social media as well as watching her videos if it bothers me so much and actually doing it, doesn't quite work out as well as expected. I used to always fully believe in myself and take pride in my personal achievements until I let porn dampen my spirits.