Ask Me Help Desk - What to do?

Need some advice me life is a bit of a mess at the moment. I got suspended from school today for three days me da picked me up and we had a huge argument in the car I ended up just getting out when we stopped at the lights and running away from him. Everything is messed up I don't want to go home me da going to be so angry. I don't know what's wrong with me I try hard to do the right thing but I always mess up. I can't go to me boyfriends cause I broke up with him so I'm just sitting in library and I really don't know what to do

You call your family and ask your Dad to pick you up. He must be worried sick about you. Why were you suspended from school today? We need more information so we can help you.

Well you first mistake was arguing back... thinking you can win an argument with a parent.

Second mistake was owning up to being wrong and running off.

I've seen your other threads... First thing you need to do is #1 listen to him even if you don't like it... #2 If you think you are right... you aren't... your history of really bad decisions shows this. Therefore you really DON'T have a chance to win an argument. #3 Running away from things NEVER works... it ALWAYS makes it worse.

If you can shut up... listen to what you are told to do... do exactly what you are told to do.. and do it when you are told to do... you MIGHT just have a chance when you are an adult. At this rate... consider that your willfulness and inability to make the right decisions... makes it a very high likelihood you are going to either end up dead... in jail, or living on the street eating out of garbage dumpsters... or prostituting yourself to pay for your next fix... until you die from aids or at someone else's hand.

You really have no idea how harsh and unforgiving the world can be... and most parents will arrive at the point they will just throw you out and leave you fend for yourself.

Maybe the reality that if you don't wise up soon... and learn that you are not the alpha dog in your pack... you are going to find out just how bad things can really get... and you haven't seen anything yet.

Actions have consequences... and those often are life threatening. And your action can ruin any chances you have of having a good life in the future.

You've been really lucky so far he has even cared and tried to help you. That luck may not last forever. And no boyfriend is going to be your savior... they will tire of the games far faster than any parent will. And leave you with nothing in an instant.

Call him and apologize like you have never apologized before. And be thankful he even takes you back. And for once..DO what you are told. Before its too late.

I don't know if calling him is a good thing at the moment he was so mad at me I didn't mean to argue with him but it wasn't me fault I got suspended and he wouldn't listen to me. I only got out of the car so he would just stop yelling. Guess I just messed up more. If I ring him to come get me he's just going to yell more am I just suppose to sit there and not try ans at least explain my side.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

You call your family and ask your Dad to pick you up. He must be worried sick about you. Why were you suspended from school today? We need more information so we can help you.

I was suspended from school for fighting and it wasn't me fault I didn't start it but I wasn't going to stand there and let her beat me. I tried pushing her away telling her to stop and she wouldn't I let her hit me twice before I hit her back. Me da just thinks its all me fault wouldn't even listen

See.. another in a long line of bad decisions you are making..

Sorry, I don't buy the excuse it wasn't your fault you got suspended. I've been through school... and you don't ever get suspended for nothing.

And see.. this is what I was saying YOU are convinced you are right... but if you were right you wouldn't be suspended. I knows a bs story when he hears one.. and you was trying to give him another one.

Sorry... you really don't have a side... YOU screwed up.. and YOU got suspended... he has every right to be angry... YOUR job is to accept that it WAS your fault and show him respect. Arguing isn't going to win any arguments as an adult with ANY superior either... do it at work and you get fired... do it on the street and someone might beat you to death.

You have to learn WHEN to be quiet. And no... even as an adult... you really don't have a right to give your side of the story MOST of the time. It takes maturity and self discipline to do both... something you HAVE to learn before you have a chance on your own as an adult.. and that's not far off. People get killed for just looking at someone wrong....you will meet someone willing to kill you over almost any perceived slight...intend or not...and you won't get to argue your side there either.

One thing I've seen common in all your threads... its never really think anything is your fault... (even though you try to pretend otherwise). You continue to be willful and do exactly what you have been told you should NOT do...

Sorry but I'm being harsh because you don't seem to grasp the seriousness of all of this at your age.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

I don't know if calling him is a good thing at the moment he was so mad at me I didn't mean to argue with him but it wasn't me fault I got suspended and he wouldn't listen to me. I only got out of the car so he would just stop yelling. Guess I just messed up more. If I ring him to come get me he's just going to yell more am I just suppose to sit there and not try ans at least explain my side.

I was suspended from school for fighting and it wasn't me fault I didn't start it but I wasn't going to stand there and let her beat me. I tried pushing her away telling her to stop and she wouldn't I let her hit me twice before I hit her back. Me da just thinks its all me fault wouldn't even listen

Really... you think there is a legitimate argument why the rules should apply to everyone else but you... and like everything else... you had no part in the fight... they are NEVER one sided. You were mouthing off to your father.. I guarantee you that you was mouthing off to this other person escalating instead of deescalating the situation... and that makes you equally responsible. YOU chose to fight.. at least show the maturity to own up to it. Decisions have consequences... do that in another year or two and you will be in jail for assault and battery... and have a criminal record. And spend time in jail with some real hard cases that will show you what a lightweight you really are.

The judge isn't going to buy the argument either....that's the price in the adult world for the wrong decision.

Again...I AM being intentionally harsh because you seem to think everything is a joke...and how bad you have it when you don't even have a clue what bad really is yet. You don't have long before you end up in jail for your next screw-up. Nobody cares what your excuse is as an adult....If you did it and they prove you did it...you go to jail. Argue with someone in jail, and you get a shank or sheave in your back when you aren't looking, if you don't get a brutal beat down.

You pushed her....That is enough for an assault charge and jail term as an adult....Not to mention you hit her back...sorry, NOBODY believes you when you claim it wasn't your fault.

You escalated the situation by arguing and pushing and made a fight certain...you are at LEAST equally responsible. YOU made the decision to fight. And that's why YOU got suspended.

Your right I got suspended for hitting her but what was I suppose to do just let het beat on me. So it is me fault I got suspended I guess me da should be angry at me. It still doesn't make it fair though he could at least let me explain he's acting like I started the fight. I hate being yelled at I just can't sit there I have to get away. If I ring him is he just going to yell more I don't want to make things worse but I've already been told off enough today and its not like I even woke up this morning thinking hmm I might have a fight today

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

Your right I got suspended for hitting her but what was I suppose to do just let het beat on me. So it is me fault I got suspended I guess me da should be angry at me. It still doesn't make it fair though he could at least let me explain he's acting like I started the fight. I hate being yelled at I just can't sit there I have to get away. If I ring him is he just going to yell more I don't want to make things worse but I've already been told off enough today and its not like I even woke up this morning thinking hmm I might have a fight today

You walk away instead of arguing with her... and I guarantee you that you was doing that before anyone pushed anyone or swung at anyone else. That makes you an equal participant. The "but they said something mean to me " stops being a valid excuse for anything about the time you are 10.

If you can't learn to deal with others other than arguing and getting in fights you ARE going to end up in jail....there is no question about it. YOU might even end up dead if they are stronger or meaner or just a better fighter than you are. And I have no doubt there are a LOT of people like that because I've known some and met others. No matter how big or bad you think you are..there is always someone bigger or badder. And some of the baddest ones are going to be smaller than you are....

The issue is, why did you not just walk or run away, instead of standing them, pushing, and then hitting.

If fighting back is the only choice, then you should have witnesses that will tell everyone, that they hit you first. (if they did)

But you do not agure with your parents, you let them yell and you sit there and shut up and not say a word.

I don't care that I got suspended from school today I did the wrong thing I know that hitting another student isn't allowed even if they hit you first. To be honest I'd do it again I ain't going to let someone beat on me and not try to protect me self. So I did the wrong thing arguing with me da I just wanted him to listen to me let me explain. Running away wasn't the right choice, I feel that now. It's hurts me that he won't listen and I seem to have a problem with speaking before thinking and making things worse. Do I speak with me da now or let things cool off? He still going to be super pissed probably morenow

Are you still at the library?

I'd call now. He may yell at you, but you've got to start somewhere. Have you spoken with the school counselor? I think you need to figure out why you're getting into so much trouble. How old are you?

I wasn't arguing with her I just came out of the toilet and they were standing at the sinks, can't run away if there is no where to go, waiting for me. The reason she wanted to hurt me is stupid apparently someone told her I slept with her boyfriend at a party. I tried telling her I haven't been to any parties since I broke up with me boyfriend and I have never even had sex before I don't even know her boyfriend. See people who don't even know me think the worst no wonder me da does

Quote:

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

I'd call now. He may yell at you, but you've got to start somewhere. Have you spoken with the school counselor? I think you need to figure out why you're getting into so much trouble. How old are you?

I'm 15 yes I've spoken to the school counsellor before. He might not be so mad if I wait a little think I need some time to calm down I don't know it just messed up

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you still at the library?

Yeah I'm still at library got no where else to go don't want police to pick me up if they see me not at school they will think I'm skipping class.

Your dad doesn't know where you are. Would he ask the police to find you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Your dad doesn't know where you are. Would he ask the police to find you?

I don't know probably not. If I don't go home he might. Who knows he that pissed at me he probably trying to find me now so he can drag me home.

What might happen at home? Can you say or do something to improve the situation?

It's so stupid and frustrating I just wanted to go to school try and get me grades up do what I have to I didn't ask for any of this I know it's me fault I got suspended and me fault me da is so mad and I messed everything up again I'm just so over it all. To hell with it all!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What might happen at home? Can you say or do something to improve the situation?

I already tried to talk to him and he wouldn't listen said he didn't want to hear it and then we started arguing. I don't want to go home yet.

Don't argue. You have nothing to say. Let him get his upset and anger out. Just listen.

You just don't understand

I know I'm probably wrong cause I always am but let me just try and explain what is in me head. I got suspended for hitting a girl at school fine far enough hitting is wrong. I didn't want it to happen, and I definitely didn't sleep with her boyfriend. I don't think it's right for her to take her insecurities out on me but anyway that's life I suppose. I have a black eye and scratches all over me suspended for three days so its not like I haven't been punished. I worked hard to earn back what little trust me da gave me I gave up being able to play a sport I wanted to to babysit for me da and step mum, did everything they wanted and now it gone and why because of some stupid girl and me protecting me self. Now he's pissed and its not even over he's going to yell more punish me more and I lose everything. If he would just let me explain then I wouldn't care if he would listen. I've already tried ringing him and he just yelled at me told me when you get home your in big trouble young lady. So what's the point if I stay out tonight he might be calm by tomorrow.

At 15 you THINK you are grown up and equal to your parents... when you aren't. (your NEVER equal to your own parents therefore respect is always owed to them) At 15 almost everything you think you know about the world is wrong. That's how teenagers get into trouble... some more than others.

You really don't get to explain... because there is no acceptable excuse. And because in life... most people don't want to hear an explanation... the facts are out there and no amount of talking is going to change what they are.

You do an act.. it carries consequences... end of story, You don't get to BS your way out of it.

I know you want to think you can... fact is insisting on otherwise will only make a bad situation worse.

You have to understand.. there is a time to talk... and a time to be quiet. This is one of those times to be quiet. You screwed up... face it own up to it... trying to talk your way out of it proves you are NOT accepting it. And NOT talking ownership of it.. therefore you are learning nothing from this.

Edit: And by insisting on trying to explain yourself...you are showing disrespect to him and all the other adults involved. That is why they are getting so upset...and more upset the more you insist on trying to talk your way out of it (which IS what you are trying to do because they already know what happened, there is no explaining that will change anything) And the act of insisting on explaining shows you are not accepting full responsibility of your own actions.

And no he isn't going to be calm by tomorrow...in fact you are defying him...defying his authority and making it WORSE for yourself. If anything he is going to be MORE angry with you...and you really do deserve it.