Ok so I'm 5 months pregnant and yes it was planned. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years we moved in together 3 months after we met,yes we moved fast but we talked about it and both very happy with our plans. I'm 19 and he's 27 he also has a five year old daughter. Ok so we are supposed to get married in about 2 weeks but yet he has not proposed my ring is just sitting on the table I even have my wedding dress ready! We often argue mostly about his ex and mostly about his daughter. She is very disrespectful twords me when he's not around please help! Do I go through with marriage or back out now!? We are just not getting along!

How can you have a wedding dress and are getting married in two weeks if he hasn't proposed yet?

What's there to argue about?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by analujano1

Ok so I'm 5 months pregnant and yes it was planned. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years we moved in together 3 months after we met,yes we moved fast but we talked about it and both very happy with our plans. I'm 19 and he's 27 he also has a five year old daughter. Ok so we are supposed to get married in about 2 weeks but yet he has not proposed my ring is just sitting on the table I even have my wedding dress ready! We often argue mostly about his ex and mostly about his daughter. She is very disrespectful twords me when he's not around please help! Do I go through with marriage or back out now!? We are just not getting along!

---

Can you explain how you are supposed to be getting married in about two weeks when he hasn't even proposed yet?

Ok so I'm 5 months pregnant and yes it was planned. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years we moved in together 3 months after we met,yes we moved fast but we talked about it and both very happy with our plans. I'm 19 and he's 27 he also has a five year old daughter. Ok so we are supposed to get married in about 2 weeks but yet he has not proposed to me, my ring is just sitting on the table ,I even have my wedding dress ready! We often argue mostly about his ex and mostly about his daughter. She is very disrespectful towards me when he's not around please help! Do I go through with marriage or back out now!? We are just not getting along! Also he is just now saying that we should have waited but he's the one pushing me to do all of this

Life is full of lessons and you are learning one now. You can’t rush a relationship no matter how much “but we talked about it” mostly because you have to know the person you are committing your life to. You have to know the person you are bringing a life into this world with. Otherwise and most likely it will crash and burn. Chris Rock says when you are meeting someone for the first time you aren’t meeting that person – you are meeting a representative of that person. Only through time can you know the true person.

I would not go into marriage knowing there are significant issues to work out. There’s nothing wrong with slowing things down while you try to find peace and happiness.

Agree with Oliver2011! Take a deep breath and postpone the wedding for next summer, when your child is ~6 months old.

It isn't easy to know the feelings of a parent toward their own child until you have one of your own. Your bf is about to be a father to 2, and apparently loves his daughter. It also isn't easy to adjust to that love and separate it from feeling towards the ex, not for the ex! ACCEPT her role, and accept that her daughter is going to resent you, unless you can convince her that you aren't resentful of her, and aren't jealous of her attention from her father, and aren't trying to put up a wall between her and her mother. A tall order that takes a lot of work and a lot of time.

CHILDREN FIRST.

Too much, too fast....crash and burn!

Obviously you have a LOT more talking and planning to do so just stop with the marriage stuff and think this life changing stuff over a while longer, even if you cannot get married before the baby arrives.

You are expecting some great romantic event, with him on one knee. He may wonder, why you are not just wearing your ring, if the wedding is all planned.

When you talk and agree to marriage, guess what, that is the proposal. So he has proposed, just not like you wanted.

** here in China for example, the proposal is when the man and women sit down with all their bank books and show each other how much they have and owe and agree to marriage. So asking to sit down and talk money is it here (basically)

His ex, will always be disrespectful to you, how about just not seeing or talking to her. There is almost no reason you should even need to see her.

The issue of raising the child, needs to be discussed, you after marriage will be a step mom to the child. So it should be clear, that you have the right, to "make" the child behave and punish with time outs and the such, if she is not respectful.

So you've been with this guy, not even two years, lived with him for three months, and allowed yourself to get pregnant.

Now you are beginning to know him, and him you, because time is beginning to tell the story of who each of you are.

After such a short relationship- 24 months is a short relationship- had you NOT been pregnant, you likely would have left.

But, allowing yourself to get pregnant puts you in the position of having a child born to a person you hardly know, who has already a 5 year old that you don't like, and it will only get worse.

And you say you planned this pregnancy? What a terrible thing to do- bring a baby into this world unprepared and knowing you'll face hardship and likely drama as you now come between him and his other child.

What were you thinking.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you have the ability and maturity to raise a child on your own. Maybe you have a good education and a good job with benefits, and don't need a man with so much baggage. You are independent and strong, with a good financial portfolio and can cope with the responsibility and expense of raising a child on your own. You will still have to deal with him, but at least you won't have to settle to live with him, and rely on him.

The two of you not getting along now, is only the tip of the iceberg. And you wait for a proposal, with your ring sitting on the table. What a sad story this is.

Best of luck with the future you have created.