Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend is an alcoholic

My name is Amanda. I am seventeen and my boyfriend just turned twenty and is an alcoholic. A few months ago he was drinking three of four beers every night. Some night he would just get wasted. He went to an AA meeting and realized that he has a problem. He cried to me and apologized for hurting me. He didn't have a drink for two weeks, and then made an excuse to have a beer. He asked me if he could have it but I know he would have it anyway. Lately he is consuming either two glasses of wine a night or four beers a night. His attitude has completely changed. He no longer thinks he has a problem. He says I am trying to control him or tell him what to do. He thinks I only get upset when he drinks because I am too sensitive, and that I don't accept him for who he is. I am planning to go to an Alanon meeting with my mom this week. My boyfriend thinks he's not doing anything wrong, and that he isn't hurting anyone. He is just sitting down watching TV and enjoying himself, but I know he can't enjoy himself without a drink, and he can't say no if the opportunity is there in front of him. I realize there is nothing I can do to stop him. He has to do it on his own. So what do I do? Am I supposed to sit back and watch him drink? At times he yells and me and insults me and gets very angry with me when he drinks. It hurts me and it's so hard to deal with, but I love him so much. I explain to him that I'm trying to help him. I want him to be able to enjoy his life without relying on a drug. He is also suffers from depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, and is taking medications for them. What should I do at this point? :confused:

Thank you!

Sad to say you know what you need to do --move on - He will not quit till he decides it's a problem and the longer you stick by his side the longer it will take plus he will be getting meaner and meaner.

He knows basically he is wrong but by blaming others or by making excuses, they merely try not to take responsibility for their actions.

But yes go to the meetings but understand normally until he hits bottom of some level he will not listen to anyone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amanda908

He is also suffers from depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, and is taking medications for them. What should I do at this point?

This is common with people with mental disorders. It is called dual-diagnosis.

However, combining medication with alcohol of any kind is VERY dangerous.

For instance there are certain medications used to treat these disorders called MAOIs (used also for high blood pressure but found effective for mental disorders) and when combined with alcohol, wine, and/or certain foods, they can be deadly.

Now, about alcoholism. You already know that he is not going to change because you want him to. He will only change when he is ready. Alcoholism is a lifelong disease. While he may become sober and stay sober for many years, he will always fight the cravings.

You are at such a young point in your life that, although you do love him, it would be better for you to move on for your own mental and emotional health. People who are alcoholics, along with his mental illnesses, carry a lot of baggage that can only drag you down.

I know that it is easier said than done to move on. But in this situation, that is what you must do to be healthy emotionally.

Please consider the pros and cons of this relationship. Are you willing to go through this for the rest of your life?

He'll get worse before he gets better, he's not even legal drinking age yet! For your own sake distance yourself, you can't make him change and he can't change for you. He can only change for himself. Pray that with time and maturity he'll see that's not the road that he wants to continue to go down.

Good luck dear

Hi, I completely understand where you are coming from as my boyfriend is an alcoholic as well. I am 17 and he has just turned 26 we have been together a little over a year and we live together. Mine gets mean when he drinks, fights with me about stuff that isn't there and I do believe he also sufferes from manic depression but does not take pills for it as I do. My friends have encouraged me to break up with him yet I'm here asking for help because I love him. Does yours blame things on you when you really know its all his fault like he just turns the whole situation around. I can't even talk to mine about his drinking not unless he thinks I'm arguing with him... I find to over look it for as long as I can and try to bite my tongue which sometimes it is hard, I complain to my friends about hiim all the time, and he is also convinced that he does not have a problem and that he is not hurting no one.. I wish I knew what to do I saw your question and thought that we might be able to give each other suggestions and help each other out :confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by amanda908

My name is Amanda. I am seventeen and my boyfriend just turned twenty and is an alcoholic. A few months ago he was drinking three of four beers every night. Some night he would just get wasted. He went to an AA meeting and realized that he has a problem. He cried to me and apologized for hurting me. He didnt have a drink for two weeks, and then made an excuse to have a beer. He asked me if he could have it but I know he would have it anyway. Lately he is consuming either two glasses of wine a night or four beers a night. His attitude has completely changed. He no longer thinks he has a problem. He says I am trying to control him or tell him what to do. He thinks I only get upset when he drinks because I am too sensitive, and that I don't accept him for who he is. I am planning to go to an Alanon meeting with my mom this week. My boyfriend thinks he's not doing anything wrong, and that he isn't hurting anyone. He is just sitting down watching tv and enjoying himself, but I know he can't enjoy himself without a drink, and he can't say no if the opportunity is there in front of him. I realize there is nothing I can do to stop him. He has to do it on his own. So what do I do? Am I supposed to sit back and watch him drink? At times he yells and me and insults me and gets very angry with me when he drinks. It hurts me and it's so hard to deal with, but I love him so much. I explain to him that I'm trying to help him. I want him to be able to enjoy his life without relying on a drug. He is also suffers from depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, and is taking medications for them. What should I do at this point? :confused:

Thank you!

Your boyfriend has a life long problem and will never change. If you want to live with this problem for the rest of your life, stay with him and stop complaining. The only thing you can change is yourself. So if you don't want to be with an alcoholic, find the strength and leave him now. Create a more positive life for yourself. You do deserve the best.

I always say that hel[p where help is needed. Ask yourself what would you like done for you if you where in his shoes. I would hope to think that if he loves you in any way. He would stop. I hope it works out for you.

Your way too young to have these kinds of problems, believe me your boyfriend has problems that won't be cured shortly, go to Al-Anon and check out the facts, and then try to regroup and focus on your future. You have a lot going for you and the options are open! You deserve only the best, don't accept less!