Ask Me Help Desk - Why do people rub their noses when they are around me?

Hello. I am male and in college. I had been dealing with this situation I do not understand. I noticed it in sophomore year in high school and from there, it got worse. I don't have any psychological disorders like schizophrenia, paranoia, or anything like that. I noticed that whenever I am in public places, especially school(which was hard and frusturating) because of this, I noticed people and kids rub their noses when they are near me. It happens every day in EVERY single social situation. It makes me very self conscious and frusturated. It ruins my confidence.This even made me a bit anti social because I was frusturated. Over time I became more conscious of this and more frusturated. Now in any social situation, I'm more aware of it and expect to happen. I noticed people would rub their noses very intensely around me, many times it would be red. Ii also noticed its more heavily in hispanic males(I've read another forum on another website and found someone who said the same thing) Yes, this is normal, but the frequency of it happening seems like something is going on. I know this happens for all kinds of reasons such as allergies, itching, etc, but I'm thinking this is happening because its like a nonverbal and subconscious gesture or body language, like an insult or something. Now I've researched this and found there are few questions regarding this on this website. They are very similar. I have excellent hygiene so it can't be because I smel bad. However, I am not a very great looking guy at all, and I remember reading a forum which discussed this mentioning that this may happen if you are "intense-looking." It's a really big problem especially if that's why this happens. I can't figure out why exactly this happens. Why does this happen? I think in order to find out, I would have to ask. In a social situation however, considering I am very shy, how would I ask someone why they are rubbing their nose?It would seem very awkward and although I really want to ask, I am very uncomfortable doing it. How could I ask? I am sorry this is long but I tried to provide details and release emotions I've had for so long and this is very hard to talk about when seeing a specialist. Thank you for your time.

Are you seeing a therapist?

People rub their noses and their eyes and their faces all the time for all sorts of reasons, especially when they are just standing or sitting and not doing much else. It has nothing to do with you.

My nose itches all the time. I have allergies. I scratch it around everyone.

Is it possible that you are over-thinking things?

I am wondering if you are so focused on looking at a person's nose expecting them to rub that you are causing the person to think they have something on their nose. That would lead to them rubbing their nose to remove a non-existent spot. The more you 'look', the harder they rub.

Have you tried shifting your focus to the people who aren't rubbing their noses or something entirely different?

I'll admit that this seems to be more about how you react to other people than how they react to you. If you are really getting as frustrated and upset as you say, then perhaps you need to talk to a counselor or therapist, if you aren't already.

Do you have friends, someone close? Ask them and see what they think. It may be the reason Cat1864 has mentioned as you looks towards others nose constantly they may think that something is there or something else and become uncomfortable and try to correct it by touching it again and again. If next time someone does that, call them in side and ask them about it. We cant tell you from here. But the one who can give you the correct answer are them. So ask them. Its better to overcome your shyness and ask then to live your whole life in doubt that something is wrong with you or them.

On very rare occasions I have had to put one hand to my nose and mouth because someone had a really bad dental decay smell.
Other than that, there are several reasons why people do this:
Itchy nose as said.
You got too close. That is just social distance, and that might prompt touching the nose. We seem to learn a distance that is acceptable, but not everyone does.
Putting a hand up is also an ancient survival instinct, a reaction to anger or fear or something unexpected. Some men reach for their tie, and women a necklace. It's the instinct to protect the throat.
It can often happen when the other person is TOO attractive, and makes people nervous.
Either way comes under a general reaction of threat, and a tiny amount of adrenaline.
I have known people who got too close to anyone they talked to, as though they were falling into their face.

So before signing up for therapy, does any of this sound like you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

My nose itches all the time. I have allergies. I scratch it around everyone.

Is it possible that you are over-thinking things?

I don't think so. I notice happening frequently on certain situations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am wondering if you are so focused on looking at a person's nose expecting them to rub that you are causing the person to think they have something on their nose. That would lead to them rubbing their nose to remove a non-existent spot. The more you 'look', the harder they rub.

Have you tried shifting your focus to the people who aren't rubbing their noses or something entirely different?

I'll admit that this seems to be more about how you react to other people than how they react to you. If you are really getting as frustrated and upset as you say, then perhaps you need to talk to a counselor or therapist, if you aren't already.

Ii know. A good way to find out would be to ask someone. This is the hard part, how would I ask a random stranger without being awkward? That person would wonder why the heck am I asking them that and might think I'm weird or something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

On very rare occasions I have had to put one hand to my nose and mouth because someone had a really bad dental decay smell.
Other than that, there are several reasons why people do this:
Itchy nose as said.
You got too close. That is just social distance, and that might prompt touching the nose. We seem to learn a distance that is acceptable, but not everyone does.
Putting a hand up is also an ancient survival instinct, a reaction to anger or fear or something unexpected. Some men reach for their tie, and women a necklace. It's the instinct to protect the throat.
It can often happen when the other person is TOO attractive, and makes people nervous.
Either way comes under a general reaction of threat, and a tiny amount of adrenaline.
I have known people who got too close to anyone they talked to, as though they were falling into their face.

So before signing up for therapy, does any of this sound like you?

No. However, I am not attractive looking at all. Could that be the why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am wondering if you are so focused on looking at a person's nose expecting them to rub that you are causing the person to think they have something on their nose. That would lead to them rubbing their nose to remove a non-existent spot. The more you 'look', the harder they rub.

Have you tried shifting your focus to the people who aren't rubbing their noses or something entirely different?

I'll admit that this seems to be more about how you react to other people than how they react to you. If you are really getting as frustrated and upset as you say, then perhaps you need to talk to a counselor or therapist, if you aren't already.

Are you talking about during a face to face conversation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am wondering if you are so focused on looking at a person's nose expecting them to rub that you are causing the person to think they have something on their nose. That would lead to them rubbing their nose to remove a non-existent spot. The more you 'look', the harder they rub.

Have you tried shifting your focus to the people who aren't rubbing their noses or something entirely different?

I'll admit that this seems to be more about how you react to other people than how they react to you. If you are really getting as frustrated and upset as you say, then perhaps you need to talk to a counselor or therapist, if you aren't already.

Are you talking about during a face to face conversation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you seeing a therapist?

People rub their noses and their eyes and their faces all the time for all sorts of reasons, especially when they are just standing or sitting and not doing much else. It has nothing to do with you.

I have been going through this for a long time and I know there is something unusual going on. It also happens when I do something awkward around a lot of people. I see may people do it at the same time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you seeing a therapist?

People rub their noses and their eyes and their faces all the time for all sorts of reasons, especially when they are just standing or sitting and not doing much else. It has nothing to do with you.

I have been going through this for a long time and I know there is something unusual going on. It also happens when I do something awkward around a lot of people. I see may people do it at the same time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Precious7

Do you have friends, someone close? Ask them and see what they think. It may be the reason Cat1864 has mentioned as you looks towards others nose constantly they may think that something is there or something else and become uncomfortable and try to correct it by touching it again and again. If next time someone does that, call them in side and ask them about it. We cant tell you from here. But the one who can give you the correct answer are them. So ask them. Its better to overcome your shyness and ask then to live your whole life in doubt that something is wrong with you or them.

I want ask someone, but how would I ask someone when I am in a conversation with them? It would seem random.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Precious7

Do you have friends, someone close? Ask them and see what they think. It may be the reason Cat1864 has mentioned as you looks towards others nose constantly they may think that something is there or something else and become uncomfortable and try to correct it by touching it again and again. If next time someone does that, call them in side and ask them about it. We cant tell you from here. But the one who can give you the correct answer are them. So ask them. Its better to overcome your shyness and ask then to live your whole life in doubt that something is wrong with you or them.

I want ask someone, but how would I ask someone when I am in a conversation with them? It would seem random. I tried asking people before who I would start a conversation with, but when I see them rubbing their nose over and over, there never seem like an appropriate moment or like a right time to ask, they would wonder why I'm asking.

' It also happens when I do something awkward around a lot of people. I see may people do it at the same time.'

I wonder if that is a clue about how you act around people. You do sound pretty self conscious. Is it possible that you really DO do awkward things in social settings, whether one on one, or in groups? Is it possible that your concern about your looks creates a wish to overcome it by overdoing gregariousness? Is it possible that people really around putting their hands up to their faces because they are embarrassed for your attempts to be too involved in conversation? Does it happen while you are talking?

Are these people you know well, sort of know, or total strangers, or does it vary?

You don't have a best friend or a small group of close friends? Dorm mates? Roommate?

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

' It also happens when I do something awkward around a lot of people. I see may people do it at the same time.'

I wonder if that is a clue about how you act around people. You do sound pretty self conscious. Is it possible that you really DO do awkward things in social settings, whether one on one, or in groups? Is it possible that your concern about your looks creates a wish to overcome it by overdoing gregariousness? Is it possible that people really around putting their hands up to their faces because they are embarrassed for your attempts to be too involved in conversation? Does it happen while you are talking?

Are these people you know well, sort of know, or total strangers, or does it vary?

You don't have a best friend or a small group of close friends? Dorm mates? Roommate?

I feel this makes me more self conscious. Experiencing it for a long time makes me feel that it is something more psychological. Yes, sometimes it happens immediately when I say something and it happens in a lot of social situations. Its mostly total strangers, but it varies. I have noticed it happening less around someone I know. Like, when I don't know them, its happening a lot until I know that person. It seems to happen less, as though they have became comfortable around me. I know that because I have met people in classes at school and noticed it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

' It also happens when I do something awkward around a lot of people. I see may people do it at the same time.'

I wonder if that is a clue about how you act around people. You do sound pretty self conscious. Is it possible that you really DO do awkward things in social settings, whether one on one, or in groups? Is it possible that your concern about your looks creates a wish to overcome it by overdoing gregariousness? Is it possible that people really around putting their hands up to their faces because they are embarrassed for your attempts to be too involved in conversation? Does it happen while you are talking?

Are these people you know well, sort of know, or total strangers, or does it vary?

You don't have a best friend or a small group of close friends? Dorm mates? Roommate?

I feel this is what makes me more self conscious. Experiencing it for a long time makes me feel that it is something more psychological. Yes, sometimes it happens immediately when I say something and it happens in a lot of social situations. Its mostly total strangers, but it varies. I have noticed it happening less around someone I know. Like, when I don't know them, its happening a lot until I know that person. It seems to happen less, as though they have became comfortable around me. I know that because I have met people in classes at school and noticed it. I met people but haven't asked them. I also moved recently so I barely knew anyone at my new school.

Sounds like its time for therapy then. Habits can be broken or modified... but first they have to be pointed out and suggestions made by a neutral disinterested party. People aren't always good at spotting their own habits.

You didn't really answer my question about possibly being truly awkward. Any chance that you overdo attempts to be liked?

Some people in groups especially don't have a good sense of when to stop talking, in their eagerness to be liked. My rule of thumb is about 2 sentences for any group bigger than 4 people.

Monopolizing a group can get me rubbing my nose, I think - I don't even know what I do to get away. Mostly I just turn and leave, but sometimes I don't want to leave the others in the group.

SO..... any of that sound possible?

A male coworker used to grab at his crotch while answering female patrons' reference questions. Some of them commented about this to one of us ("Why does he do that when
I'm around?") or just rolled their eyes. Female patrons tended to avoid him. We finally mentioned this to his supervisor who had a private talk with him. It was his insecurity, not theirs. As smoothy mentioned, it would be a good idea to meet for at least a few sessions with a counselor to figure out if you are the one feeling insecure or if the nose rubbers are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

You didn't really answer my question about possibly being truly awkward. Any chance that you overdo attempts to be liked?

Some people in groups especially don't have a good sense of when to stop talking, in their eagerness to be liked. My rule of thumb is about 2 sentences for any group bigger than 4 people.

Monopolizing a group can get me rubbing my nose, I think - I don't even know what I do to get away. Mostly I just turn and leave, but sometimes I don't want to leave the others in the group.

SO..... any of that sound possible?

I don't understand what you mean.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

You didn't really answer my question about possibly being truly awkward. Any chance that you overdo attempts to be liked?

Some people in groups especially don't have a good sense of when to stop talking, in their eagerness to be liked. My rule of thumb is about 2 sentences for any group bigger than 4 people.

Monopolizing a group can get me rubbing my nose, I think - I don't even know what I do to get away. Mostly I just turn and leave, but sometimes I don't want to leave the others in the group.

SO..... any of that sound possible?

I don't understand what you mean.

Wow... maybe there's something there then... maybe you are making people uncomfortable...
I don't know how to make it any more clear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Wow... maybe there's something there then... maybe you are making people uncomfortable...
I don't know how to make it any more clear.

Ok. I feel the best way would be to ask someone, but no one still haven't answered how I could ask without being awkward because it would just seem random and not relevant and the person I am asking would wonder"Why did this weird guy just ask me that?"

There has to be someone you know who you could ask when alone together, just asking in general.

Most of us know when we have make a group uncomfortable. I think all of us have, whether it's something we said or did, doesn't matter, we just sort of KNOW. Maybe people really are rubbing their noses as just one little gesture out of many (playing with their hair or clothes or food or ear or...) that indicate that you did or said something awkward.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

There has to be someone you know who you could ask when alone together, just asking in general.

Most of us know when we have make a group uncomfortable. I think all of us have, whether it's something we said or did, doesn't matter, we just sort of KNOW. Maybe people really are rubbing their noses as just one little gesture out of many (playing with their hair or clothes or food or ear or...) that indicate that you did or said something awkward.

Ok, I appreciate you guys here for spending your time to help me with this and give suggestions. Thank you.

Starboy961, I know what you mean. I experience the same thing too, sometimes. I notice too that it is more that strangers rub their noses when I walk near them in public. It may seem that they don't know how to "categorize" you or something. For example, when I wear a sweatshirt that says the name of my college, people will notice what my shirt says. In those cases I noticed that fewer people rub their noses.
I know it can be annoying to see strangers rubbing their noses. These days I don't care what people think of me.