Ok look me an my boyfriend never fight really until it comes to his kids mom. An now my boyfriend is saying that I have nothing to do when it comes to his child an his child mom which I agree to a certain extent. When your son comes over an I'm laying in bed an he jumps on the bed an says "mommy said to beat ashleys(me)a** mommy said to punch your right in the face" an then he raises his fist at me an says it again. Ok what I have no say in anything? I didn't yell at the boy an I just told my boyfriend to handle it. Ok an now every Monday he is to have the child from 5 till 9 well she drops the kids off at 7 30 an says I have a pool tornament ill pick him up at ten thirty. If we tell her no she would do it anyway. But she never picked her son up till 12:40 an I went out to the living room around 11:40 an my boyfriend says"you dont need to be out her" an I said :why can't I sit on the couch?" he says"cause your just being nosey" an i was like "I'm sorry you guys exhange the baby outside I don't see how I can't sit here?" he said "because my son has nothing to do with you" this is after i bought him an easter basket because his mother an father are to freaken lazy to do it themselfs he is 4 he should beleive in the easter bunny. anyways so i went into the room an he comes in "what's your problem?" an i was like "my problem is why do I have to leave an area of the house because of her is she a princess? An if your mad because she late don't take it out on me" an he says "well what are you going to to stare out the window when she comes cause if she see you doing that an gives to the fingure I won't stop her" an i was like "look I never even try to have contact with her I have never stared out the window the only time I have even looked at her is when she barged into you rbedroom an I was sleeping. An for you to say this has nothing to do with me it somewhat does like what happens when we get married I don't have a say in aynthing?" i dunno theres alot more to this story but im frustrated i dunno i feel like this affects both of us sometimes. like when she calls an yells at him an he walks away cause he dosent want me to here what shes saying i woundnt care if it was like a five minute phone call but she will call an sit there an talk to him for like twenty minutes like well "I don't understand why you can't do this for me I I don't have a job right now an I this an that" like just take no for an answer an if he says no an i gotta go she will call back an put the baby on the phone an he will be crying saying "daddy why can't you come get me" this was at ten at night its just she creates drama that doesn't need to be there if my boyfriend would stick up for himself an take her to court or something I don't know by

You know, he will always be connected to the mother of his son because of the child. So, accept that because that will not change. And, he is right, to some extent, that you are not part of that relationship between father, mother, and child.

BUT, from what you've written, I think you have to stand up for yourself more. You and your boyfriend must sit down and talk about the rules and regulations of this situation that he will be involved in for the rest of his life. Tell him that he will always have to deal with the mother of his son but it is not right to be involved with her more than the realm of the son they have together. He is only responsible for the care and wellbeing of his son, not her as well. Tell him that he must draw a line when it comes to his son's mother and that it is disrespectful to you to make you feel like an outsider. It is also disrespectful to be secretive with you. There is a difference between being nosy and being aware of what is going on in your boyfriend's life.
So, be honest and tell him how he makes you feel. Explain calmly and work on a compromise. Remember how important communication is, in a relationship. Don't hold onto something that you can end up resenting.

From what you've written, the mother of your boyfriend's son seems to resent you and doesn't mind causing trouble between you and your boyfriend so it is even more important that you keep the communication between you and your boyfriend open and strong.

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Originally Posted by manimuth

You know, he will always be connected to the mother of his son because of the child. So, accept that because that will not change. And, he is right, to some extent, that you are not part of that relationship between father, mother, and child.

BUT, from what you've written, I think you have to stand up for yourself more. You and your boyfriend must sit down and talk about the rules and regulations of this situation that he will be involved in for the rest of his life. Tell him that he will always have to deal with the mother of his son but it is not right to be involved with her more than the realm of the son they have together. He is only responsible for the care and wellbeing of his son, not her as well. Tell him that he must draw a line when it comes to his son's mother and that it is disrespectful to you to make you feel like an outsider. It is also disrespectful to be secretive with you. There is a difference between being nosy and being aware of what is going on in your boyfriend's life.
So, be honest and tell him how he makes you feel. Explain calmly and work on a compromise. Remember how important communication is, in a relationship. Don't hold onto something that you can end up resenting.

From what you've written, the mother of your boyfriend's son seems to resent you and doesn't mind causing trouble between you and your boyfriend so it is even more important that you keep the communication between you and your boyfriend open and strong.

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Yes I know but he doesn't understand her keeps saying he doesn't want to piss her off cause it will make things worse. Cause he has stood up to her an said look you can't do this an that. An she just gets worse. Like we have to switch weekends with her so he can go to his brothers wedding an she will call everday an be like"if you dont watch your son today till 11:30 i wont take him for the weekend for you" an so we have been doing what she says cause he has to go to his brothers wedding but I'm sure come the weekend she won't be home an he is going to get screwed this happens all the time an he always says "well what am i suppose to do she wont listen to me she does what she wants"

I am not very knowledgeable on this but aren't there rules from the court about these things. Is she allowed to refuse to take the kid on an agreed weekend? I am not sure.
Can't he complain to the court that she is blackmailing him with the kid and how she is causing trouble?

Anyway, I think it ultimately comes down to him putting his foot down. And you being completely clear that you are not going to get pushed around according to her whims. This statement "Well what am I supposed to do..." from him is very weak and a cop out. This is obviously important to you so he MUST know what to do. You both have to come to a compromise and a decision and stick to it.

If she threatens you and flakes on her responsibility, I am sure you can bring the court into it. And make it known that you will take that route if she doesn't stop pulling out from her end of the agreement.

Maybe you can't control others, but it seems your b/f is the one to stand up to her, and he is not. Unless he does you will be stuck in misery. You need to communicate this to him. He may have to put up with her crap, but you don't. You need to communicate that to him also. Stand up for yourself and refuse to be bullied.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Stand up for yourself and refuse to be bullied.

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Exactly.

Yes I agree but then is it really worth it I mean I have to learn to somehow get along with her cause this kids only4 I've got till he's 18 I have to deal with her. Should we just take her to court cause she's not following the court orders? It seems like every time we do things get worse it starts like a war or something I don't know We have tried a lot. I mean I will definitely try to talk to him more. I think he realizes but she makes him miserable to so you would think he would want to lay his foot down a little harder cause she obviously is'nt getting the point. But he hates putting his son threw this crap cause she always puts him in the middle. But yeah thanks for all the comments I agree with al lof them its just so hard

What's hard is being walked over, and your husband should really step up and put a stop to this.

Okat this is the thing...yes, you dont have any say when it comes to the mother of this child, BUT BECAUSE your boyfriend has chosen to be in a relationship with you, he cannot and SHOULD NOT expect you to have no say whatsoever. If he honestly thinks that your relationship is going to thrive on him saying you can't reprimand his child when the kid THREATENS you...come on now. He's in for a rude awakening. You need to realize that if he's going to be that way, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. You shouldnt be putting yourself through that if he doesn't want to give you a chance to be a part of the child's life. Why can't you be a part of the child's life if the child has to be a part of yours??? It's not fair. I have the same issue somewhat where my fiance may have a child by an 18 year old. However if it's his child, and we get him for a weekend or something, my fiance has already stated that I will have complete right to treat this child as if he were my own...love him AND punish him if he does something wrong. I will love the child as my own, and although his mother hates me and doesnt want me to be any part of this child's life, she has to understand that since she wants the father to be a part of his life, she's going to have to deal with the father's wife being a part of her son's life. That's just how life is. SO you need to let him know, and I know it may be hard, but let your boyfriend know that you can't be withhim if he can't be fair. If you ask me, he sounds like a complete and a for being scared of his ex. And SHE sounds like a complte for using the CHILD as a threat. THAT should never happen. And I hope that when the little boy grows up and understands things better, he knows what a dipsh** his mother is.

I said 10:30 I meant 12:30