First things first, she is smart and is in excelerated math courses, just to keep my pride. We go to the same church and have for years. My mom and her mom were Sunday school teachers together. I talk and flirt with her all the time. She does in return even more so. Every time I pass her in the halls, she waves and smiles or makes up excuses to talk. Even so, I am scared (big macho football player too, lol).

Avoiding the obvious, I am wondering what to do. I have no doubt that we have bonds, but first I am afraid since I'm 17 and she is 14 it might be a little trashy. Not that I care in the slightest, but I do. Does anyone have a problem with that?

Im looking for clues on how to go about actually doing the deed of asking her out. Its so different from other girls whom I didn't really know as well.

Any ideas on how to proceed would be appreciated. Tips, ideas (avoiding the clichés perhaps), and comments. I know I have to get the hell out and do it, I just don't want to screw it up. Lol. Thanks

She's very young. Speak with her parents before doing anything. You have plenty of time to do the right thing.

Find out something she likes to do, bowling, tennis, jogging, just anything and then ask her is she would like to do that with you, I do think SpecialEd above did have a great idea about talking to the girls parents. And if she does accept and goes with you Be a Man and Treat her like a Lady.

How would one go about asking the mother for permission? It seems so quaint and 19th Century like.

I feel like the best way to go about it would be to walk up to the mother at church (the only time I could see her) when the girl is not there and say something to the effect of, " May I have permission to ask your daughter out? Would you have any problems with me being 17 and her only 14?"

Anyone ever heard of anything like this in the 21st century? I'd love some thoughts.

Oh, chilvary is making a return!!

It makes a parent proud to know that a gentleman is contentious enough and polite enough to ask a parent's permission.

However, I am the mother of a 13 year old girl, and if a 16 year old boy wanted to date my daughter, I would be very apprehensive. (note the age difference is the same)

I really do not know if I would allow it due to the vast difference. I know, 3 years is not much and "she" is very mature (my daughter is very mature also). But during the teen years, 3 years is QUITE a difference.

You may be focusing on what you want to major in college in a year or so, she may be focused on learning how to shave her legs, or why her friends have their periods but she doesn't. You see the difference?

17 years old and 14 years old are actually very different.

I agree with J_9 on this, the age difference does count. At 17 you are into college prep and at 14, she is not, even though she is in an accelerated Math class.

By talking to her parents, it shows that you respect their daughter by approaching them first and asking for permission to date their daughter. That is not so far removed from manners as some might think. Her parents may have very different ideas about her dating, in general, and very different ideas about her dating you specifically. Whatever happens in that disucssion, honor what they say and their decision. Do not go behind their back or encourage their daughter to go behind their back.

They may suggest seeing their daughter only on group dates, or in a church youth activity. Just remember too, that while you will be 18 in the not to distant future, she will still be a minor. Of non-consentual age.

Statutory rape, look it up. Imagine an angry police officer discovers you simply kissing your 'girl'. If you don't have the nerve to ask her parents permission, expect to spend some time in jail in the near future. Don't screw up your life by being nieve.

Obviously its not an easy response to that outpouring! I am becoming disillusioned unfortunately with the whole idea.

Kissing does not constitute "statutory rape" does it? I hate to be vile but what sort of "sexual contact" would? I am under no compulsion to do anything like that, because I do come from a good background and appear to have better morals than some buddies of mine. Does statutory rape come from "pressing charges" on behalf of the minor? I do feel rather naïve about the whole subject, as in a perfect world the thought wouldn't even cross my mind to take advantage of not only a friend but another young and "helpless" girl.

For Heaven's sake, we haven't even seen a movie together let alone get in the backseat. It seems rather absurd to even mention such things. I understand the world has evolved into such thoughts and things but you have to believe me when I say I am not like that. If she turns 15 does that make a difference in your eyes? I respect all of your opinions, but I really would appreciate serious answers, whether they be tips or caveats. Thanks

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SpecialEd

Statutory rape, look it up. Imagine an angry police officer discovers you simply kissing your 'girl'. If you don't have the nerve to ask her parents permission, expect to spend some time in jail in the near future. Don't screw up your life by being nieve.

---

I agree this post is false -- I do not like to give out disagree`s but this came really close. Savage

My point isn't to accuse or condemn you. It's to make you aware of how serious things can get even without you doing anything wrong. Look at the Duke Lacrosse mess. Foolish young men acted well... foolishly (i.e. hiring a stripper) and have spent a year and +$1,000,000 defending their innocence. Due to your age difference, some people will assume the worse. So... Whatever you decide, remember that life is not always fair. Be intelligent, alert, and wise to living in a wicked world. 'TheSavage' may be a nice guy, but his advice won't protect you. I don't much care if my post was shocking or unpopular if it saves you and your friend from harm. Remember, this website isn't about me, it's about you. Good luck.

I am coming to the conclusion that this isn't a question that can be answered by anyone except myself and He above me. I thank everyone for their warnings, tips, and thoughts, but it is impossible to comprehend my situation. Thank you for your well wishes too. If anyone has any more comments, my sn for AOL is the same. Respect my privacy in other cases besides this one I beg you please. Thanks

I'll update you in time; should you care to know.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by atw4w2c

First things first, she is smart and is in excelerated math courses, just to keep my pride. We go to the same church and have for years. My mom and her mom were sunday school teachers together. I talk and flirt with her all the time. She does in return even more so. Everytime I pass her in the halls, she waves and smiles or makes up excuses to talk. Even so, I am scared (big macho football player too, lol).

Avoiding the obvious, I am wondering what to do. I have no doubt that we have bonds, but first I am afraid since im 17 and she is 14 it might be a little trashy. Not that I care in the slightest, but I do. Does anyone have a problem with that??

Im looking for clues on how to go about actually doing the deed of asking her out. Its so different from other girls whom I didnt really know as well.

Any ideas on how to proceed would be appreciated. Tips, ideas (avoiding the cliches perhaps), and comments. I know I have to get the hell out and do it, I just dont wanna screw it up. Lol. thanks

---

When my BF wanted to tell me that he liked me he asked if I wanted to hang out with him. My mom, knowing that he was older than I, said no, but she did however say that he could come over my house. After two weeks of him coming over on Sats. He told me that he liked me and that he was waiting for the right time to tell me. So just invite her over or ask if she wants to take a walk and then tell her. It may take a while to tell her, but you got to relax. Just tell her how you honestly feel about her.

Ask permission from her parents and try to do things that would envolve her parents so when you want to go out. They won't have a problem. That always helps.

I have seen many many many relationships like this.. I've even seen a freshman-senior duo.. actually 2 of them.. one of them is the guy is the freshman and one is with the girl.. its not that big of a deal.. but make sure you do something 14 year old girls like.. i.e. roses that say will you go out with me.. sort of cheesy things.. but coming from an older guy like you she will find it adorable.. maybe when you are going out with her you can talk to her parents..