Ask Me Help Desk - Am I unhappy because I didn't finish school or do I have a problem?

Hey everyone. I find myself really resenting my boyfriend for wanting me to move up at work and for not really supporting me going back to school.

I am in my early thirties and he says I need to stop changing my mind on everything. I do admit that I have changed my major a couple of times and took a break for a year. But now I feel as though I will never finish school if I continue to pause it for work so I start getting down and depressed.

We both can use some extra money, we are also planning a wedding for next April, and it is going to cost money to go back to school. What do you guys think I should do. I have no children of my own and I only have a year left until I get my BA in Education!!

How long have you been with this boyfriend? Do you live together? Why did you take a year off? Did he support you being in school before? What will you do with this degree? Does he have kids that live with him?

Agree, why can you not work and go back to school?
I just went back (over age 50) and got a new BS degree and now at 59, will finish my new Masters Degree.

I worked full time, went to school, was single father, (then newly married) life goes on and we plan and schedule around it.

It sounds like you are not committed to anything. Taking a year off, unless needed is a sign. Most people who take time off, never go back.

An important question to ask yourself, is whether you could support yourself through your current job, or if you would be able to advance in it enough to do so. A woman should always be able to support herself whether married or not.

If you finished your BA in education, would you work in that field? Do you want to teach? Would it be of use to you? Would it help you advance at your current job if you decided to stay? That is something else to consider. It is nice to have the sense of accomplishment, but it would not be a wise use of money, or going into debt with student loans, if you didn't have any plans of utilizing it later.

If it will help you, then as was said, consider working at your job and finishing school. You could take enough credits each semester to obtain a student loan, or you could take fewer classes and pay for them yourself (better option if you can swing it). Depending on where you work, some companies offer tuition reimbursement so that may be an option to look into. Sure, by taking fewer classes, it will take you longer than a year, and you'll be few years older by the time you finish, but you'll be that age anyway, so why not get there with a degree as well?

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I find myself really resenting my boyfriend for wanting me to move up at work and for not really supporting me going back to school.

What kind of support do you mean? Why can't you do BOTH? Most of us here did. Most people in life do, but is it realistic expect your soon to be husband to support both of you financially while you go to school fulltime for a year? Then pay for this upcoming wedding in a year, while you graduate, and find a new job? Help me understand this resentment which is anger fueled by FEAR of not getting what you want.

You just need a reasonable plan, with reasonable goals, with a reasonable time table, and balance it with a reasonable financial plan that allows you to get success. Consider that maybe this resentment is misdirected at your boyfriend instead of the way events have played out, much of which from choices you made, and not him.

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I am in my early thirties and he says I need to stop changing my mind on everything. I do admit that I have changed my major a couple of times and took a break for a year.

Accept the part you played in the way things are, and be grateful he has supported you through this so far, and probably will if your plan and the way you execute that plan is reasonable, and efficient. Stop focusing on obstacles and keep your eyes on the GOAL.

Often finishing one's education helps one move further in the company they already work for.

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But now I feel as though I will never finish school if I continue to pause it for work so I start getting down and depressed.

Those darn feelings again, distracting your vision, and sapping your strength. Self inflicted obstacles you must solve to get to your goals. You are almost there so why be depressed?

Nobody's journey through life is smooth and fun and stress free. Don't quit on yourself, just figure out the proper adjustments to make to finish what you started. You can do this, piece of cake, if you stay cool, calm, collected, and in control of yourself, and not get carried away by your own feelings.