Ask Me Help Desk

Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Dating (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=374)
-   -   Why do I still have a crush on a guy with a girlfriend (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=810713)

  • Apr 18, 2015, 05:44 PM
    Barnes66
    Why do I still have a crush on a guy with a girlfriend
    I have a crush on my co worker and I sensed that he liked me too. However, he told one of our co workers that he hadn't been coming to work that much because his girlfriend is sick so he has been staying home taking care for her. The co worker told us this when he left the room.

    I have been wanting to find out if he has girlfriend so I was happy that I found out without directly asking him. However, I was disappointed because I realized that nothing will come out it. I thought finding this out will make me lose interest but it hasn't.

    I find myself looking forward to go to work to see him. We work in big building so we don't always work together on the same floor. I always check his schedule down stairs since they post everyone schedules. If I noticed that we are working on the same floor I wake up an hour earlier that day to do my hair and make up and look my best since I know he will be working with me. I have started taking pride in my appearance since I started crushing on him and some people at work have asked me if I have new boyfriend etc because before I didn't care about my appearance.

    Whenever I ran into him in the elevators my heart beats faster and I get nervous around him. It doesn't help that he recently got a hair cut and has been looking good. As far as I know he is not aware that I have a crush on him. I don't flirt with him or anything except complimenting on his new hair cut

    I really want to get over this annoying a crush and become indifference towards him but I cant. Switching jobs is not an option. He is the only guy I have had crush on since the I have been working there and I hate it especially now I know nothing will come out it. I am single by the way

    Has anyone been in situation where they were crushing on someone then found out they are already in a relationship? I just don't understand why I am still crushing on him despite him having a gf!

    Why am I still crushing on my co worker if he has a girlfriend?
  • Apr 18, 2015, 06:05 PM
    ma0641
    "and I hate it especially now I know nothing will come out it." So why torment yourself? Move on.
  • Apr 18, 2015, 06:16 PM
    Barnes66
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ma0641 View Post
    "and I hate it especially now I know nothing will come out it." So why torment yourself? Move on.
    Well that's what I am trying to do but cant get over my crush.If I could switch off my fealings then I would have just done that as soon as I found out he has a girlfriend.We have no control on how we feel
  • Apr 18, 2015, 06:24 PM
    ma0641
    "We have no control on how we feel"--OH?
  • Apr 18, 2015, 07:19 PM
    talaniman
    We may have no control over what feelings we have, but we do have control over what we do about them. You can choose to wallow in those feelings, and dwell on the misery, or get on with your life and find happiness in the things you can control.

    So choose what you want to do, and do it. You don't have to stay stuck on a crush. You don't have to make him the center of your day, or the reason to look extra good, or get to work early, or check his schedule or any of those obsessive things.

    The sooner you stop acting on the crush feelings, the sooner you get to do better things with your time, and the sooner the crush can fade away. You have got all the thrill out of those feelings, so let them go, and stop living in the misery.

    Don't feel to bad we all have had those crushes before, and yeah, for a while its miserable seeing them so close but unavailable for what we want. You are lucky I suppose that he is your first, but sometimes we go through several crushes with co workers through the years...whether they are in relationships or not.

    They just come and go and we learn not to act on them, or do foolish stuff at work (Or anywhere else) that makes us look, or feel dumb later. It's quite awkward!!!

    Good Luck
  • Apr 18, 2015, 08:00 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Just think of him with girlfriend, one he cares enough about to miss work.
    Be happy for him, and start to think about other people.
  • Apr 19, 2015, 04:02 AM
    Homegirl 50
    Stop checking his schedule and getting up early to get pretty for him. You are allowing this to control you. Just as you purposely try to see him, purposely avoid him.
  • Apr 19, 2015, 07:52 AM
    Jake2008
    I'm sure if you wrote out why you have to stop crushing on him, and read it every day, before you head to work (weather or not he is working- stop checking), you would eventually realize why you have to stop. It will be a big relief when you finally do get a solid grip on this.

    Some reasons might be:

    1. He has a girlfriend.
    2. He is not interested in you.
    3. He has never indicated he is interested in you.
    4. You should look your best, every day, because it lifts your spirits and makes you feel good.
    5. Precious time is wasting because you are living with a dream, that will never happen.
    6. Get busy. Buy a bike, join a fitness class, a book club, walk a mile a day, spring clean your home.
    7. Think of him as a man you will never know. Any thoughts (not feelings) you have toward him involves only guessing as to who he really is.
    8. Think of him eating soup with the manners of a billy goat in heat.
    9. His ancestors lived in caves, and didn't bathe for months at a time. Maybe he doesn't like to bathe, and his toe nails are 6" long. Those big shoes he wears is no indicator of any other part of his anatomy...
    10.Realize that you are only 'seeing' him, you aren't in any way, or have been in any way, close enough to determine that he has a huge acne problem, he's a vegan, and drives a smart car.

    So, make your own list, but anything you 'guess' about him, will point out what you don't know. I love Piccaso, but would I date him? No, because he was just plain weird.

    Good luck.
  • Apr 19, 2015, 04:48 PM
    Barnes66
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    I'm sure if you wrote out why you have to stop crushing on him, and read it every day, before you head to work (weather or not he is working- stop checking), you would eventually realize why you have to stop. It will be a big relief when you finally do get a solid grip on this.

    Some reasons might be:

    1. He has a girlfriend.
    2. He is not interested in you.
    3. He has never indicated he is interested in you.
    4. You should look your best, every day, because it lifts your spirits and makes you feel good.
    5. Precious time is wasting because you are living with a dream, that will never happen.
    6. Get busy. Buy a bike, join a fitness class, a book club, walk a mile a day, spring clean your home.
    7. Think of him as a man you will never know. Any thoughts (not feelings) you have toward him involves only guessing as to who he really is.
    8. Think of him eating soup with the manners of a billy goat in heat.
    9. His ancestors lived in caves, and didn't bathe for months at a time. Maybe he doesn't like to bathe, and his toe nails are 6" long. Those big shoes he wears is no indicator of any other part of his anatomy...
    10.Realize that you are only 'seeing' him, you aren't in any way, or have been in any way, close enough to determine that he has a huge acne problem, he's a vegan, and drives a smart car.

    So, make your own list, but anything you 'guess' about him, will point out what you don't know. I love Piccaso, but would I date him? No, because he was just plain weird.

    Good luck.
    Haha thanks :)that's a good one

    • All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:00 AM.