This is more personal question, but I really don't know what to do for the best. I just discovered that I am about three weeks pregnant. The problem is this: my long term partner is in another country where he will be for at least a year. We agreed (because he wanted this) that we should see other people while we are apart, while keeping our commitment to be together in the future. This worked quite well last year. We are now into the second year and plan to be together by the end of 2007. The problem is that I have been dating a guy I met last year (although we only started a sexual relationship about a month ago) and he is the father of the baby. I am not sure if I am going to terminate yet. I don't really want to, but the situation is difficult. Obviously if I decide to go to term I will have to tell the father (I have already told my long-term partner who took it as well as can be expected and has been supportive). But my question is this: if I decide on a termination, should I tell the father? He is three years younger than me and really lovely, but I am not in love with him and we both agreed to keep our relationship casual from the start. Does he have a right to know? I want to do the right thing... whatever that may be. But it's hard keeping this to myself. At the same time, I don't want to devastate his carefully ordered existence. It's enough that mine has been irrevocably changed (no matter what my decision is in the end). Please help. I really feel lost...

Wow... well if you really do not want to terminate your baby, then don't. If you feel that way now, imagine how you will feel if you did terminate your baby? If you want your baby, then keep your baby. Babies are beautiful and are wonderful gifts from God. Well I'm not here to lecture about abortions... although I am sure many people will. I am prochoice but would never get an abortion, but I do understand why women get them.

You need to tell the father. He has every right to know. If he says "lets abort" that does not mean you have to. That just means you can get childsupport from him IF you decide to have this baby. If he wants to have this baby with you, then that is great. That does not mean you have to get married, especially if you don't love him (I know I am going to get some response to that last sentence). As long as you both are there, both love and support your child, then it should be fine. Your long time partner is supporting you right? So if you honestly do not want to give up your child, then that IS OKAY. But seriously, tell the father, he needs to know. At least that way you see where he stands and where you stand. Goodluck if you ever need to talk e-mail me.

I think the father always has a right to know, this does not mean it has to be today but it could change issues and he should be given a chance to be supportive if he is going to be.

This is always a tough situation, and I have seen it many times. What I would say is that he deserves the right to know. While no one can ultimately tell you to get or not get an abortion, I think he should have a say in the matter. I just think that even if you do not want this child, shouldn't he be given the right to choose whether he does? He may want to raise the child on his own, and I think he deserves the opportunity. I would say it this way...

If you want to keep the child, tell him and let him be a part of the child's life even if you are not with him in the future. A child needs a father, and from a medical standpoint, might need information from him down the road.

If you do not want to keep the child, tell him and let him decide if he wants to. If not then consider adoption rather than abortion please. There are many "mothers" out there who can not have their own children, but desperately want to be a mother. Give that child a life.

Tell the father, he deserves to know.

I know this is going to sound judgemental and have been sitting here thinking about how to rephrase it, but I am going to go with my first gut reaction to your post.

I got the impression that people in your life are completely disposable. The long term partner really isn't a partner if he is okay both of you dating other people. Having unsafe sex with someone you don't love and creating a baby whose life depends on whether it will be convenient to you offends me as a woman and a mother to the point I am nauseated just thinking about it.

You might not believe this, but I am prochoice as well but as a last resort - not as a way to make everyone's life easier. Of course the father needs to be notified and he is responsible whether he wants the child or not. He chose to have unprotected sex and should help pay for the child's expenses.