I have a friend at school and she asked me for some advise not sure what to tell her, could anyone help me with some advice?

My friend is 14 her and her boyfriend and her have been going out for six months he wants her to have sex with him, they done other things which she's cool with but she's not sure about this. She is worried about how to get contraception and getting pregnant. She really likes him but not sure what to do.

If he really likes HER, he won't act like having sex is the only way she gets to keep him!!!
SHE is the one who gets pregnant, while he suddenly runs in the other direction!!!
Tell her to say NONONONONO NOOOOOO, or get lost.

Having said that,
She can get contraception at a clinic or Planned Parenthood (in the US). She can get on the phone with a local yellow pages.

Since you are not able to give her advice from your own experience, she needs to come here and ask.

Hello, I don't know how it works where ever you are but here in Scotland if you are over, I think it is 12, you can go to the doctors yourself and talk about that stuff, then they cant tell anyone cause of patient confidentiality or whatever.
However, please ask your friend to say no. my best friend was forced into sex last year by a boy she "was in love with". She became pregnant, had to have an abortion, started drinking, smoking, even took drugs before committing suicide due to depression. Believe me, underage sex is overrated and not cool. Tell your friend not to even think about sex until she is mature enough to respect herself and not until she is ready. She shouldn't do anything she is not ready for, and if he does like her he won't walk away because she said no.

You tell her she is too young to be having babies, and there is no such thing as a guarantee she won't get pregnant even if she uses 3 different types of contraception at once. And she can still catch a disease from those other ways of sex she is cool with.

Then you tell her she would be STUPID to risk her health and future for some HORMONE DRIVEN kid that can't take care of himself, then you tell her that her mom and dad would kill her if she got pregnant, or a disease, and if she has to screw a guy to keep him, that's not love, thats trouble and she should run like the dickens.

Then tell her a young horndog would say ANYTHING for sex, and forget what he told her after he gets it. Google sexually transmitted diseases, and show her.

If you need more stuff to tell your friend, just come on back, and the same goes for YOU TOO!

3 different types of contraception and you can still get pregnant? That's a pretty scary thought. He seems to really love her I don't think he would just say anything to have sex with her. If they are both the same age can they get in trouble if they were reported that's if they did have sex?

It scares the heck out of adults too, but it can, AND DOES happen. Can they get in trouble even if they are 14 and in love?? What would YOUR parents do? They would MAKE all kinds of trouble for you and him wouldn't they?

If love means getting pregnant and in trouble is it worth it at 14? That's NOT love. Love without common sense is pretty worthless.

GOOGLE what happens to pregnant 14 year old girls and read carefully! Show it to your friend.

OF COURSE THEY WOULD BE IN BIG TROUBLE FOR YEARS, AND YEARS, AND YEARS!!

This may seem harsh and out of touch with teens today, but I am going to say it.

She needs to talk to her parents. This is a discussion she should be having with her mother and/or father. The reason I say this is because going behind her parents' backs to get birth control and to have sex with her boyfriend will end up causing her more heartache and issues than if she was honest with them from the beginning. If she was 18, I would suggest Planned Parenthood or its equivalent where you live. But she is 14. That is a very different matter.

If she is mature enough to take the very adult chance of getting pregnant then she should be mature enough to talk to her parents. They may get upset and ban her from seeing him, but it will be a lot better than having them find her birth control or having to pay for baby items.

Losing the trust of her parents would make her life very unpleasant. Even more unpleasant than losing her boyfriend.

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Originally Posted by isabella14

3 different types of contraception and you can still get pregnant? That's a pretty scary thought. He seems to really love her I don't think he would just say anything to have sex with her. If they are both the same age can they get in trouble if they were reported that's if they did have sex?

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Yes, three different types, and yes, still get pregnant. And yes get in big trouble! Your opinion, you say they love each other? And how do you know that for sure ? are you the inside track for this ? So your 'friend' gets pregnant, has a baby, no more school and this would make you happy?

You asked for advice, so don't argue with it.

First of all, you are a very good friend to step up and look for good information to pass on to your friend.

She may or may not take your advice, and should she choose to do nothing, and have sex with her boyfriend, there is nothing you could have done or said that would ever prevent her from making that decision. This is her call.

At age 14, I would hope at that stage of the game, her parents, particularly her mother, would have advised her of the dangers of sex, unprotected sex, STD's, and pregnancy. Or, in many if not most schools, information is readily available if it is not already taught in the classroom, about sex, the reproductive system, relationships, and responsible choices.

So I'm a little miffed as to why she sounds so ignorant in this regard.

Perhaps her boyfriend is offering advice, which is likely not any more factual that what she already knows. Or rather doesn't know is more accurate.

Any sexual intercourse, once started, leads to more, not less, sex. My opinion is, once she starts she will not stop, and whether it is the current boyfriend or not, she runs many risks in engaging in activities that are, with good reason, reserved for responsible adults.

But, for me or you to tell her she is not ready, doesn't likely compute with her. If she's asking about birth control, she has likely already made up her mind.

I agree with her going to see the family doctor or a planned parenthood clinic, or the school counselor, or her mother. But I think if she were mature enough, she would have picked one of those sources already.

You may get her to listen, but I doubt you will be able to change her mind.

She just finds it hard to talk to her mom she is very religious and strict she's not aloud to attend sex ed at school. Her mom would kill her if she knew she was dating a boy.Just wanted to ask some questions so I know. Can she go to the doctors with out her parents there? If she goes to her doctors will they tell her parents?

I would tell her these things: First, under the best of circumstances, a 14 year old is too young to have sex - even if she was a rich movie star, she would not be ready for sex. Second, people shouldn't have sex until they are old enough and capable enough and independently stable enough to raise a child. It's always a risk - even with birth control, an aweful lot - thousands of people - do get pregnant. Even when you consider the option of abortion, at 14 she would need to involve her parents and neither she nor her boyfriend would have the money to pay for it. It's very expensive. Not to mention, they are too young to drive to get there without her parents knowing about it.

Another consideration is what she wants her high school reputation to be. Sure, she could end up marrying this guy one day, but even if she does, most people these days don't get married until 27 or late - that's double her current age! In between they are both going to inevitably break up and date other people, and more likely than not will not get back together. She may date quite a few guys in high school, and in college, and after college before she finds the right man. Does she want to tell her husband she has slept with 20 guys? I believe in sex after marriage but even if that standard is too "old fashioned", I think it's still reasonable to wait until you are at least out of high school and know for sure you are in love in a true adult relationship. An adult relationship is more than a romp in bed and making out at your locker and going to the dance, or thinking someone's cute. It also involves knowing that this man will be a good and solid father for your children, that you can work with him together to build a life together - pay the bills, own and manage a home, resolve problems, support each other through hard times. You cannot possibly make those sorts of assessments about anyone at 14 because you cannot even assess yourself at that age.

It's way too soon and if he is pressuring him, she should break up with him. She should find a guy who is more her own speed, who isn't looking to play married at the age of 14.

She will just end up in a situation where she will feel really bad about it because she knows her parents wouldn't approve, it doesn't reflect her own morals, she'll be worried about getting pregnant, she'll be worried sick about getting a sexually transmitted disease, and she might possibly get a disease or end up pregnant. Further, it doesn't make the guy stick around any more than refusing does. People stay together because they love each other and are compatible, not because they are willing to have sex. So yeah - her answer should be, "NO, I'm not having sex for about 6 or 7 years at a minimum - I'm 14. That's ridiculous!"

Just food for thought...

If her mom would "kill" her if she knew she were dating a boy, what will her mom do when she tells her mom she is pregnant? Yes, she will get pregnant. Eventually.

You see, I was one of those women who got pregnant using THREE forms of birth control. Not once, but twice. I used the pill, condoms and spermicide. The only difference was that was married at the time. What's worse is that I had cancer and had chemo. Chemo made me sterile and I could never have any more children. That was 16 years ago and I have a 13 year old son. You do the math.

I am sorry but she needs to listen to her mom. She is already disobeying her mother by dating. Does she really want to compound the wrong by having sex with him?

I am sorry but we cannot give you advice that will encourage her to go against her parent's rules.

Thank you just wanted to know so I could give her some advise. I don't really know much about the whole sex thing I'm not really interested in boys at the moment. Id rather have fun relationships are to complicated. I like doing my own thing it sucks she's got a boyfriend don't really see much of her anymore always with her boy.


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Fact is, anytime you have sex, even if you use every contraceptive out there, pregnancy is possible.

I would ask her if she's ready to be a mom, if she's ready to raise a baby on her own, without help from anyone, because I guarantee that the boyfriend that says he loves her, won't stick around.

If she says she's ready for that, I'd ask her what plans she's made to support a baby at the age of 14. She can't even get a job in the majority of places, or sign a lease for an apartment, or get a drivers license so she can take the baby to doctors appointments, go to work, go grocery shopping, etc. etc.

If she's not ready to be a mom, she's not ready to have sex.

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Originally Posted by isabella14

If they are both the same age can they get in trouble if they were reported that's if they did have sex?

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This depends on local laws. She probably won't get in trouble, but he could go to jail.

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Originally Posted by isabella14

Can she go to the doctors with out her parents there? If she goes to her doctors will they tell her parents?

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This also depends on local laws.

Bottom line here, is even if they don't have sex and the parents find out she is dating behind their backs, she can be ordered to stop and he can get in trouble if they don't. It is never a good idea to do things and keep them a secret from parents.

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It is never a good idea to do things and keep them a secret from parents.

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Do you think you should tell your parents every thing you have done? Even things that you know they will be upset or angry about?

If I did something that I know my parents would be angry about do you think it would be better to tell them even if they might never find out about it? Sorry of the topic but that last post made me think.

Yes. I think it is better to get it over with than worry about 'what ifs' forever. Plus its not normally as bad as you build it up to be in your head.

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Originally Posted by isabella14

"It is never a good idea to do things and keep them a secret from parents."

Do you think you should tell your parents every thing you have done? Even things that you know they will be upset or angry about?

If I did something that I know my parents would be angry about do you think it would be better to tell them even if they might never find out about it? Sorry of the topic but that last post made me think.

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(Believe me as a parent, my kids did things that I never knew about until they were grown up and parents as well. Some of the confessions, had I known about at the time there would have been punishment. On the other hand, sometimes what you don't know doesn't hurt as long as it did no damage at the time. So I think, if there is no damage and no damage in the future, telling is not a "911".)

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Originally Posted by catonsville

(Believe me as a parent, my kids did things that I never knew about until they were grown up and parents as well. Some of the confessions, had I known about at the time there would have been punishment. On the other hand, sometimes what you don't know doesn't hurt as long as it did no damage at the time. So I think, if there is no damage and no damage in the future, telling is not a "911".)

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I mostly agree with catonsville when it comes to small stuff. However, dating, boyfriends, birth control, sexual activities, and actively sneaking around are major issues that parents need to know about at the time not 10 years later. Add to the list drug and alcohol use. I, personally, think many of these topics should be discussed before you cross the line. That goes for your friend, too.

On major things like dating and sex why take the chance of getting in trouble when you can avoid it?