My landlord and my husband have a few beers and my landlord puts me in his conversation with my husband and tells him I don't socialize enough with his family. Do I really have too. And why does he even care! If I keep to myself that's none of his business! I'm just here to pay rent and be with my family. And my husband seems to be on his side too. I am really confused. I don't know what to think. My husband never talks about his wife in conversations. Someone give me some advice or something. :(

I'm guessing that you live in the same building as the landlord. So maybe the landlord is just a friendly sort and likes to socialize with his tenants. You are under no obligation to do so, but it might be nice to maintain good tenant/landlord relationships.

Yes he is my neighbor. I am a person that never knows what to talk about. I stumble on my words and shy. It's hard for me to socialize. No one really listens when I start a conversation. It always happens to me.

I find the expectations of your landlord, and the compliance of same with your husband, to be creepy.

I hope that you don't fold, and socialize with either of them, when they are together.

You have no obligation to socialize with anyone you don't want to socialize with. That includes your husband! And it most certainly includes the landlord pushing via a conversation with your husband, that you need/should/or want to. The more that happens, the more I would be inclined to tell them to buzz off.

If you feel you absolutely want to socialize with your landlord and his family, why not suggest that during the summer, the whole building have some sort of cookout/party. In the afternoon, with an invitation from 1-4 p.m. to include family, and make it a family affair.

In any marriage, there will be disagreements and conflicts with friends, and family. Learn that this will likely happen again, pressure to socialize with a particular individual or family, that you would rather not. But, that pressure does NOT mean you have to do something you are absolutely uncomfortable with, and let it be known you don't appreciate the pressure to do so for your husbands sake either.

My husband has a family member, and a friend he's had since high school, that he asks if it would be okay for either of them to visit, which would mean them staying over here. I have said no way in h*ell, and they have never been in my home. I have however, offered to take off and have a weekend to myself in a nice hotel with a couple of girlfriends. He gets the picture.

Just because you are married, you are under no obligation to socialize with people you do not wish to socialize with. I can see a compromise when it comes to a company Christmas party, or yours or his family members weddings, etc. but that's about it.

Give yourself a break. Make it clear it won't happen, and tell your husband you would appreciate not being part of his discussions with this landlord, and if he feels he has to discuss you with him, to keep any and all comments to himself.

Well in that case, I would be more inclined to suggest that you practice with them. I doubt if they will evict you for being shy, but if you and your husband explain your shyness and ask for their help in teaching you more about socialization that may go a long way.

After reading Jake's response, I have to disagree. Note that there is no right or wrong here. You are free to socialize with whom you please. But based on what you have said, I have a feeling that your husband would like you to be more social and is looking for ways that you can do so. You should discuss this in more detail with your husband. Any marriage is compromise, you need to understand each other and what you each want, then work out something you both can live with.

Thank you very much for your time to answer! I really appreciate it!

Maybe the landlord wants his wife to have a friend or something. She may be a shy homebody type, who knows? Keep doing your thing, your way, and let the boys drink beer and talk. I wouldn't take a guy talking and drinking beer, all that seriously.

It's not like his wife is beating your door down either, and doesn't seem to join him when he visits your husband does she?

I'm somewhere in the middle. Some people take it personally when you don't socialize while they are in your home, as well as living next door. I think the fact that he is your landlord is irrelevant.
My middle ground is to make a point of socializing for a set amount of time, perhaps a very high quality 5 minutes, in which you say it's nice to see you, here's some chips and dips, and I put 2 beers in the freezer to get really cold so don't forget, how is your wife, how are the kids, how's life - and then excuse yourself before he can get you to sit down and join in idle chit chat. Just say that you are shy and busy then anyway.

NEIGHBORS are valuable people in so many ways, and you all need each other in ways you may never 'need' but can be life savers. Be polite, be friendly, be yourself, keep it short, but don't cut them out altogether.

I seriously wouldn't worry too much about it. Work on having confidence and not worry about what others think you should or shouldn't do. I say this with ALL DUE RESPECT because I've had to do this often, as well (build up my confidence regarding what nay-sayers are thinking). If you don't feel the need to socialize with them, then continue doing what you like.

My neighbors are "somewhat" similar. The property manager lives in the townhomes across the street and I have some single mothers who are fully supported by their ex-husbands (must be nice) and stay home all day ready to mingle and share their boredom with one another. One of them, someone I have stopped speaking to, use to bang on my BACKDOOR all times of the day and night with vodka asking if I wanted to come out and chat. She even showed up at 7:30 twice in PJs with coffee in hand ready to talk for a few hours. I finally had to tell her, Look... I work out of my home. You don't come over knocking on backdoors, letting your children run in my yard, banging on windows for my children or showing up in the middle of the night with vodka. Since then, she's had an attitude and most of the "neighbors" now look at me strangely. I honestly could care less. BUT I understand that at first... it feels like people are isolating you simply because you are not socializing on the level "they want". Forget them. You can't make random people happy. If it's not you they are talking about, it'll be someone else.

Your hubby on the other hand... I hope for his sake, he was just tipsy and being silly and not knowing how to handle nosy neighbors. Maybe say something really simple and quick about keeping "our business" in our home and not discussing "us" with the neighbors and leave it at that.

Good luck!