Should I dump my cheap boyfriend? We have been dating for 8 months... just recently he forgot me on Valentines day... said he was going to make up for it and its been two weeks and he has still done nothing... I spent about 150.00 on him AND made him homemade elaborately decorated cupcakes.Last night he offered to buy me dinner (takeout) so we could stay at home and watch a movie and eat but then backed out because of an 11.00 delivery fee... he lives rent free at home with his parents and has said that he has almost 30,000 in savings.. yet watches me struggle to pay my bills and never offers to help... if the situation were reversed I would do anything I could to help him... should I try salvaging this relationship or am I in for a constant string of disappointments?

None of the above.
You should have a talk about the direction your relationship is going. That will include, somewhere near the end, depending on how the first parts go, a talk about financial attitudes and plans. He sounds like he's saving for a house, but I'm just guessing. I was that type - extremely frugal so that I could buy a house. But I didn't live with my parents!

You two may not be compatible. I am sympathetic with you, yet I wouldn't spend $150 on anyone for Valentine's Day (I would bake). So it's possible that you won't ever see eye to eye on matters that matter but are strictly a matter of personal preference, not right or wrong.

If you're calling him cheap now then the splinter of dissatisfaction is already there and the relationship will probably end, if not now then in the near future.

The main problem here is you're measuring the relationship, "I spent about 150.00 on him", "..said he has almost 30k in savings...". Instead of the feelings you're counting pennies. As well you're expecting him to act like you, "... if the situation were reversed..." but only to take the moral high ground. You are setting yourself up to disappointments and finding them rather easily.

In every relationship there are people who are more into the other then the other is into them. In this situation you seem to be more into him then he is into you. He might be a bit frugal but that is probably how he was raised, maybe getting a little family history would help you understand that. To be honest, if I was dating a woman for ONLY 8 months and they wanted me to pay their bills, I would be running. He isn't living with you, in your apartment, so why should be helping you out? That is selfish on your part and you're not that far into the relationship. It honestly seems like you think you should have a stake in his cash savings because you've been dating for two thirds of a year.

As well I believe that you two talk but don't communicate. I don't think you've talked to him, brought up these points, and asked him to explain himself. I don't think you know much about him. There is a book out there, I believe it is called something like "The languages of love," and it talks about how people communicate their feelings to their partners and how one partner, not knowing how the other communicates their love, feels like they don't love them. I would see if you could pick up this book and give it a read.

As to your question. Yes, I think you should dump him. It doesn't sound like you two are a good match.

Go find a boyfriend who can meet your materialistic expectations, because you won't change, and neither will he. So what's the point in continuing this 8 months of money conflicts?

Want to add that (speaking as a woman, while the other two above are men), I think 8 months is a mid-to-long time, assuming that two people are pretty intense about each other.

Also want to add that you are sort of double talking when you say that you spent that much on him and say that you 'struggle to pay the bills' in the same paragraph. Clearly you need to learn some of his frugality. And what if he is saving for a house, and hopes you will be in it with him? (Still think you wouldn't work out though.)

If you are struggling to pay the bills, how can you afford $150 for a Hallmark Holiday?

How old are both of you?

I notice that you mention he has savings but you do not mention if he has a job, if he is between jobs, if he is a student, if he has past money issues that he is dealing with, etc. You also do not mention other special occasions such as Christmas. Has he always seemed this 'frugal' or has it gotten worse has the relationship has become more committed?

There are different types of ways to save money. Having savings does not mean he can access them any time he wants or if he can access them at all.

He may not have had the $11 delivery fee on top of what the food cost and expected tip. Did you suggest a compromise of going out to get the food and coming back, going for something cheaper, or did you file the event away as a mark against him? Did it seem more like a 'bait and switch' evening? He was supposed to pay but suddenly doesn't have any money and you are the one paying either by paying for the order or fixing your own food with your on utilities? Was this the first time or has he done this before?

It may seem harsh, but you have only been dating for eight months. You are still learning about each other and how you deal with life decisions such as spending money. Living rent-free does not always mean living cost-free. You see him as having means that you don't, but does he? Does he have other obligations that you have not been aware of or haven't thought about? You talk about struggling but then you show him you have means to give him $150 in gifts and provide food. That gives mixed messages about your priorities with money. Frankly, he is not responsible for what you spend unless he is asking for money or the only time you seem to see him is at your place with you cooking or you are paying for the outing. Are you in effect paying to see him?

I am certain you are both learning other things about each other. Other than being frugal or possibly a moocher as you seem to perceive him, what do you know about him as an individual? His likes and dislikes? How does he treat you where money is not concerned? Is he attentive and thoughtful? Does he give you emotional support even if he doesn't give monetary support? Is money the only black mark against him?

I have not forgotten that he apparently spaced off on Valentine's Day, but I am not certain if that was because he just didn't give it any thought or if he may have let it pass because he couldn't afford what he thought you might expect in the way of gifts. I know several people who are against Valentine's Day because of the commercialism attached to it. Could he share that impression? What type of 'gifts' do you expect? Would you have been happy with a chocolate bar or a cheap stuffed bear or a wild flower picked from the side of the road? Would words have made you feel better?

I will not say keep or get rid of him because there are too many unknowns. I will say that it might help to talk with him about expectations in all aspects of the relationship. Find out how close to being on the same page you are and if there is compromise on subjects you have the greatest space between your positions.

Going into the discussions make certain your expectations are realistic and keep an open mind. If you are set in what you believe and have no room to entertain the thought of compromise, then let him go. There would be absolutely no reason to put the two of through the frustration of trying to break down a brick wall with a wet noodle.

I sincerely wish you good luck and peace in whatever you choose to do.

If he's happy to live at his parent's home, and have them pay all the bills, so he can accumulate over $30,000.00 in savings, then what makes you think he will be any more respectful, or less dependent on you?

I'd say it's a pretty clear indicator as well, when he wants to treat you to dinner (take out), and then balks at the delivery charge, he is unreasonably tight with his money. He cancels the dinner in other words. Are you worth a take-out dinner without the delivery charge?

Sheesh.

I'd let this one go.

Time for you to put your boots on, and go Fishing Gal.