Ask Me Help Desk - Gender Issue

Okay, there is a girl I work with who is very haughty and especially has a tendency to look down on men in particular. She believes that the world could go on well without men.I ignore her. However, there was an instance there was heavy luggages that needed to be unloaded and she couldn't do that by herself. I was near at that time. She yelled at me so that I carry those bags in such a way like I've been commissioned to carry bags by birth. Normally, I'm not pissed so easily, but I lost my temper a little bit. I answered "I'm not a coolie, try again". Almost instantly, her lady friends started telling me off that it's my lack of manners not to help a lady in need.

I was overwhelmed. There was indeed an atmosphere of double standards I was breathing in, and I don't understand whenever gender inequality topic comes up, why do women almost every time comes up with the child bearing superpower that they posses? Don't they have anything non repeating other than that? Lol. Normally I ignore and avoid these sexist disputes but sometimes it almost feels like we men have become minorities.

P.S, I hail from India, which has a great background on gender inequality, but I believe in this decade, the entire concept backfired and it's true. Though, there is a funny stereotype that every Indian men is seen as an eye teaser by Indian women if we even stare at them LOL, and the list goes on. It also feels awful to carry the burden of the tormented image of masculinity in India, as I, and many other slightly educated people think a little different.

It's a casual question, and the answers I guess would be more opinionated. I don't hate women at all (They're awesome!). I was just wondering if it's okay to give them a reality check once in while :p

Read your post and see where the gender issues are at, you.

Her being rude and having an issue is not an excuse for you to be rude and improper. One persons fault does not excuse yours

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Normally I ignore and avoid these sexist disputes

Me too, saves a lot of emotional BS where you look stupid arguing, over nothing. There is no gender issue, just loud egos.

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I was just wondering if it's okay to give them a reality check once in while :p

The reality check would have been letting her load her own bags, she obviously didn't want help. Why stoop to the level of others?

In hindsight, I'm sure you could have thought of several witty things to say that incorporated her self-described ability to get along without men.
You could have stood there and smiled and said 'gee, what happened to not needing men?' and then helped, just to get your message across.
Given the history of how women have been treated for thousands of years, including in India, I (as a woman) forgive her a bit. Not a lot, being the kind of woman who struggles to muster all my strength to do heavy lifting myself, and who has a hard time asking male friends for help, and would never demand.
Be prepared for next time.

That it is, to you apparently, an 'us' against 'them', is what represents gender inequality.

To you, women appear aggressive, assertive, demanding, and downright rude- unless they need man muscle.

My own opinion is, of men that I have known, or had to deal with on any level, who come off like you- that being six-foot puffed up, and bullet proof- a few sharp words usually shuts them up, and they cry like girls.

Perhaps you should more try to consider people, i.e. men AND women, as people. Equal. If you were more of a gentleman and had the level of education that you profess makes you a little more intelligent in the matters of gender understanding, you would not be so single-minded, and opinionated.

Your bravado seems short lived in your attempt to make a point about your co-worker needing help. That you didn't help her, says more about your character, and shows you to be a shallow, retaliatory man out to make a point about women. ALL women as you said through your post.

If I had to work with you, I'd request a transfer.

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Okay, there is a girl I work with who is very haughty and especially has a tendency to look down on men in particular. She believes that the world could go on well without men.I ignore her. However, there was an instance there was heavy luggages that needed to be unloaded and she couldn't do that by herself. I was near at that time. She yelled at me so that I carry those bags in such a way like I've been commissioned to carry bags by birth. Normally, I'm not pissed so easily, but I lost my temper a little bit. I answered "I'm not a coolie, try again". Almost instantly, her lady friends started telling me off that it's my lack of manners not to help a lady in need.

I agree with Joy! It would have been better that you have helped her but still you've made your point clear of not needing help from men!

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I was overwhelmed. There was indeed an atmosphere of double standards I was breathing in, and I don't understand whenever gender inequality topic comes up, why do women almost every time comes up with the child bearing superpower that they posses? Don't they have anything non repeating other than that? Lol. Normally I ignore and avoid these sexist disputes but sometimes it almost feels like we men have become minorities.

I agree its better to avoid these kind of "self imposed super power identity". As a women myself, I am surely against everything women go through but when things go little too much it doesn't shows equality. If I need equality that means it should be equal, not only for women but men too. And about the Child bearing super power, we cant change that! Lol. We are proud to have that opportunity.

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P.S, I hail from India, which has a great background on gender inequality, but I believe in this decade, the entire concept backfired and it's true. Though, there is a funny stereotype that every Indian men is seen as an eye teaser by Indian women if we even stare at them LOL, and the list goes on. It also feels awful to carry the burden of the tormented image of masculinity in India, as I, and many other slightly educated people think a little different.

I know that's not the truth though, In India few women have chosen to rise up and fight against these kind of gender based oppression on them, It doesn't mean that entire concept backfired! Nope. Women are surely trying to find there individual image except being a wife, mother etc, but it doesn't mean that they are effecting any "equality based" things in Men's life. I am sure not every staring man is eye teaser, may be you are not but trust me if you are not doing that it doesn't mean that is not happening. You could be the person who is just having an eye contact but there are lot of men in that place who really don't care if you are married or not they just stare at you with those lustful or intimidating eye contact.
I know there are lot of 'slightly educated' men like you who may not be the stereotype who thinks (according to that culture) that Men are supreme bcos thy are just men, Husband posses the image of God for wife and she is entitled to follow his orders with eyes, ears and mouth closed, and daughter in law/ a mother should be treaded low if she happen to conceive a Girl child, or go through forced abortion and if somehow she managed to bring that girl in this world she is going to live miserably whole life because she birthed a girl child, and She is also would get raped in that place just because she was alone, or may be with a guy friend( bcos that gives rapist an idea that she is "that types of girl", or she is poor/ low cast, can't do anything against those powerful men, or she is was dressed inappropriately because she was covered with less bunch of or whole bunch of clothes (doesn't matter) its like she invited rape for herself. Lol.

I appreciate if you are different then those stereotypes but it doen't mean that it's a lie. Women do face these challenges still in that place. If you don't do or see it then it doesn't mean its not happening.

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If I had to work with you, I'd request a transfer

Wow!am I that Despicable?LOL.
Precious Cited some accurate aspects about the extremities that women face"d" in India.In this era,subsidies and many guv induced advantages are entitled to women which had a "backfiring" effect on the social system where men are undermined and treated to a new level of gender bigotry in India that I know today.Irony.

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Your bravado seems short lived in your attempt to make a point about your co-worker needing help. That you didn't help her, says more about your character, and shows you to be a shallow, retaliatory man out to make a point about women. ALL women as you said through your post.

Not sure how did you come to that conclusion,but that is my confusion that whether to retaliate or not,as apparently I did'nt.

I have some questions. You say that you work with her. Are you equals or is one of you in a higher position? Do you have problems with other women in the workplace? Do you have discussions about the women in your workplace with other male co-workers? What is the general attitude toward women in general? Are females given equal respect as co-workers or do they, in general, (this woman in particular) feel like they have to be more aggressive to be taken seriously?

Was the "luggage" incident a part of work? Did she really yell or did you perceive it as yelling because you do not like her attitude or find her abrasive? You mention her 'lady friends', were these other co-workers or people who just happened to be there for no real reason? If a male co-worker had yelled at you in the same manner would you have responded in the same way?

Do you consider females as equals all the time or only when they keep their mouths shut and stay in their place (wherever you consider that to be)? I ask because of the 'reality check' comment. What "reality" do you believe they need to be aware of? That they aren't entitled to special treatment? That they should treat all people as equals and be treated the same way? That they should remain in a subservient position? That good manners and being polite are better than being rude or over-bearing?

Frankly, I think you may not be as easy going and open-minded as you want to think you are. I don't think you go out of your way to cause issues, but there does seem to be an attitude of looking for evidence to back up your negative beliefs. Would you have the same reaction if male acted the way the women you are upset about act (superior/entitled?). If a different female co-worker who hasn't broadcasted an air of disdain for males had acted the way this person did, would you have reacted the same way?

Have you tried looking at the situation from 'her' (any woman you think needs a 'reality check') point of view to see if there is a reason for 'her' behavior/attitude? Is there someone else or something causing problems that 'she' is reacting to? Understanding another person's issues doesn't make them yours to fix, but it can help keep you from adding to the issues and perhaps help reduce the stress build-up in yourself.

You need to come to China, the men will stand and wait for the women to get the luggage, She will carry all the bags while the man just walks.

@cat okay,she is a co worker neither in higher or lower position than me but a has a different job profile.The incident I had with her had nothing to do with work though.We were boarding a train (all colleagues planned a vacation together along with work)She was loading her own bags & I was near.She yelled in a demanding way in our native language that I cant describe properly which was insulting.She tried to convey that I was not aware of my etiquette.Now,I had decided long ago I will not bother her with anything.So,I deliberately did nothing.
We have a very liberal office environment.I don't think I treat women differently or am threatened by their freedom as you suspect.I don't agree with most of your passive allegations which are disguised as questions.A lot of questions lol,and my answer to most of them would be on the positive side.But,yes I do think women in my surroundings are playing the "being a woman" card more than often.oh yes,if a man did the same thing to me,my reaction would be a lot different,as I get to prove my point without having to worry about gender,frankly speaking.there are too many objections when it comes to competing with women,which ultimately works as disadvantage for us,and that is extra stress.What I say is nothing new.
I think I'm very easy going with easy going people (women included).I strictly avoid the hard ones.The reality check is simple;we work together means that we are equal.I don't know,but I feel the women feel insecure about themselves which forces them to act dominant.I raise this question as everyday I go out to work,I see gender classifications on bus,trains,offices.You can't stay close to a woman in public;no eye contact lol etc which are known very well to any indian man.It's hard to connect in this diverse atmosphere,I try anyway,but it seems difficult even being nice.whats worse is relationships with one of them lol (I have a non Indian love interest thank god lol).
I write what I feel.excuse me if I wrote any non contextual info.I replied as Cat1864 suspected I am not what I am which needed to be clarified.
"I would love to help anyone with luggage if he/she asked me nicely (with a smile) :)

You were rebuffed, albeit harshly. Get over it. You have turned this into a big rant on females, and how they act. You have as many issues as the females you b1tch about, and are as entrenched in your thinking as she is, so there you are EQUALS!

Okay she was rude, you happy now?

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.She tried to convey that I was not aware of my etiquette.Now,I had decided long ago I will not bother her with anything.So,I deliberately did nothing.

What? And you proved her right! Right?