Ask Me Help Desk - Teen advice from teens!

Teen advice from teens!

I have a 12 year old daughter, and she's starting to mature. Now I'm the type of mom that talks to my kids about everything, and they feel comfortable coming to me with any questions they have, but I'm also a mom, it's been a long time since I was a 12 year old girl, and I want to make sure I'm doing what I need to do for her, based on her perception, not mine.

She's growing up, her breasts are growing, her hips are becoming noticeable, and all that leads to her first period coming very soon. I bought her bras, we've talked about her first period, and even though she was a bit embarrassed, she talked and asked questions, so that's all good. But I want to be prepared.

Would it be weird to take her out for a shopping spree to buy pads and tampons, etc? How would you feel if your mom did that? Would it be cool, or totally embarrassing? Would you rather that your mom just stock the medicine cabinet with all the stuff you'll need without asking you about it, or would you like to go on the shopping trip with your mom, have a girls day, look at bras, look at pads, then go out for lunch after and have a long talk when you get home, or is that too "Judy Blume"(you may have to look that up, that's my generation).

I need some teen advice on how to deal with my soon to be teen daughter. What would you want your mom to do?

So much depends on your culture, pads and the such are just open topics and are discussed. Students may tell teacher, girls pass them to each other in class if needed.

But most families I know, the mother just stocks. Although a discussion of the various types, designs and sizes would be proper

I personally think that yeah it may be a little embarrassing at first but I think it would be okay to do that, as it might make your relationship be even more open, (and not saying your aren't close at all as you seem that you are) and I mean I sometimes talk to my nan about this stuff and yeah it embarrassing at first but then I settle into the idea of needing to know what I'm comfortable in as the buyer of the family will need to know. But I think yeah go for it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kezzy5

I personally think that yeah it may be a little embarrassing at first but I think it would be okay to do that, as it might make your relationship be even more open, (and not saying your aren't close at all as you seem that you are) and I mean I sometimes talk to my nan about this stuff and yeah it embarrassing at first but then I settle into the idea of needing to know what I'm comfortable in as the buyer of the family will need to know. But I think yeah go for it!

Thanks Kezzy.

I guess I should talk to her about it, see what she's okay with. We talk about everything. I also have a 16 year old son and he talks to me about everything too. I'm just that type of mom, and I've always had that type of relationship with my kids because I wanted them to know, since they were born, that they could always come to me with anything.

But, I do remember enough about being 12, 13, and 14 (that's when I got my first period) that I want to tread lightly. I got my first period on Christmas Eve. My mom and I had never talked about it, and I had to go to her and ask for advice and products. I was scared to death, embarrassed. Worse, we went to my Grandma's house that night and my mom told everyone that I had become "a woman". I wanted to die.

She told my dad and my dad was embarrassed too. I didn't get it then, but I do now, and his "Congratulations" was really bad when I was 14, but now that I'm 44 I get it, he didn't know what to say. I don't want that for my kids, and I hope that I did it right, at least right enough that even if it's embarrassing, they'll still come to me.

I guess I need to ask her what she wants, and then do my best not to embarrass her either way.

It's not always easy being a mom, anymore than it's easy being a teen. :(

That also a good idea asking your daughter what she wants? And yeah I remember when I had my first period and I was actually at my aunties and my younger cousin told me as she developed more faster than I did, but it was so embarrassing as she also told the hole of the family, and yeah I also hated to admit when I was on my periods when I moved into my nans but then I just moved in and had not settled in, but your daughter is very settled as you know she lives with you and you seem easy to talk too. And I honestly think moments like these will help develop your relationship with your daughter more. Think it would be also nice to turn it into a girls day.

I did that with my daughter, made it a girls day. She is 12. I think she would like that.

I would simply have a supply of various products in a place out of sight.

You might simply tell her where the supply is, and if she wants to, she can keep a few pads in her backpack. When the time comes, let her know how to dispose of pads too.

If she has questions, she'll probably ask you, or her friends. No doubt she and her friends talk about period time and she can also speak to them.

I think you've done well with educating her in addition to what she has hopefully learned in school. I would leave it alone.

I never had kids (because I was sure I couldn't be a good mother), was 12 when I got my period, had no idea what it was, ran part way downstairs to tell my mother, who was playing bridge with a bunch of women, tried to whisper loudly from the landing, whereupon she laughed at me and ran to tell the other women, leaving me to slink back to my bathroom and wonder if I was bleeding to death.

I survived, but that particular moment was awful. So anything you do out of all these choices will be just fine as far as I can see!

My daughter still remembers the girls day. Her dad bought her flowers. She thought it was all pretty cool.

Thank you all for the advice. I had a long talk with her last night and asked her what she wants to do. She loves the idea of a girls day. I think we're going to go tomorrow. I'd rather have the stuff on hand, just in case. You never know when it's going to happen, so better to be prepared. :)

Having it all on hand for the "when" is good. Have a day together shopping for those things. She needs to know what she needs.
My daughter had a little cramping that day she started so I put her to bed made her soup, her dad bought her flowers and we all watched movies the rest of the day.
It was her special day. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Having it all on hand for the "when" is good. Have a day together shopping for those things. She needs to know what she needs.
My daughter had a little cramping that day she started so I put her to bed made her soup, her dad bought her flowers and we all watched movies the rest of the day.
It was her special day. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Totally agree. Nothing to be ashamed of, it happens to all girls. Not really something to celebrate either, because it really sucks! Getting your period isn't fun. It's not as great as the books say . Judy Blume should have prepared us for this! ;)

I want to make it as easy as I can for her, because frankly, it really isn't a great moment. But it is life, it's part of being female, and we all have to stick together. :)

Yes it is a pretty crappy time. I'm glad I don't do it anymore and my daughter who is now 33 hates it. But that first day, I hoped to take some of the sting out of the reality of it.